Who out there has a...

(((Dear One)):

Your own grandmother hurt you terribly/horrifically. You are NOT NOT NOT her! Children are NOT responsible for adult feelings - I know you know that in your heart, even though your Grandma (and the Mom who didn't believe you) tried to make you responsible for hers.

Autumn is also not responsible for what your daughter has done. Autumn may feel like your enemy, but she isn't. Her responses and then lies to her parents DID hurt you very much = cause you much pain, but, (and there has to be a but here), YOU are the adult in the situation; she is the child. Someone should've been there to be YOUR hero when you were young. Please consider putting your feelings aside, dig into that 'generosity of Spirit that I KNOW dwells in you[!!], and be hers!!

All 'wrongs' don't have to be righted, they really don't, and certainly not at the expense of a seven year old child. I believe that that pure love for Autumn's true little Spirit IS still in you = under the pain; under the hurt.

Your friend,

J.

Fun?? Watching a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old play baseball????

Or would the fun be me "eating up the boys all gone"?? LOL I'll have to remember to take some baby wipes to clean them up before I eat them!

good wishes!

Jill, I was in the middle of answering your post when we lost power here. Then it was time to leave for the ball games.

You've hit the nail pretty much on the head. Right now I don't know which way is up. When we got to the ball park, Autumn was the first one to see me. Her face lit up and she ran towards me. I said "Hi" and I know it was a dry tone, but she threw her arms around me. Somewhere between her hug and her kiss, almost everything went away.

She was the one that pointed me out to her older brother. His face lit up and he darn near flew to me, hugged me (the best hugs in the whole world!) and wouldn't let me go. I asked him if I could eat him all up and he said "yes." Then I asked him who would play ball if I ate him all up and he said "No problem. I'll play from your tummy." and gave me the goofiest grin I've seen in a long time! LOL

I didn't see Autumn again until her ball game. I was right by the dugout and cheered her on every time she went to bat. I don't have star ball players but I've got a "switch hitter" in the making.

Didn't get to "gramatize" the baby. He wouldn't let me hold him, but I played with him when Poppa had him on his lap. He's so beautiful! I'm gonna have to dig out the 1 yr old pic of my oldest grandson and post the pics of him and Aiden together. It's uncanny how much they look alike.

Autumn and Austin have games twice a week. We haven't decided if we're going to each and every one since we have a grandson in roller hockey, but... we'll play it by ear.

John and I had a tender moment. We both said at the same time "It all went away." We hugged and sniffled.

After the ball games, I bought Austin and Autumn and myself a corn on the cob. We were all trying to bite patterns on the cobs. LOL

I'm certainly not in the dumps but I'm not estatic, either. Maybe I'm being cautious. Whatever. We're on the mend. (S I G H!)

(((( Tomi )))))

wow tomi.....that really made me smile........

*crying* oh how sweet!! I am so happy she ran up to you hon! kids soon forget about things done wrong don't they? I am so glad everything went well and the kids ran to you like that. sure warms my heart!

"Ya done good," ((Tomi)), (and I know it couldn't have been easy - honestly, I remember how much you were hurting when that happened), and I'm so happy to read how the day went so well!

Yeah, it kinda puts a grin on my face, too.

That smile on her face was sure sweet! Holding her again was like I had never stopped.

I don't know what I'm feeling, though. A whole bunch of mixed up feelings in my heart.

Stop it! Now *I* am crying! LOL I want to fly to wherever they are and take them all in my arms and never let them go! Oy... *wiping my face*

It's difficult being an adult that feels she has to protect herself from "love."

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

For a nano second I wanted to scold her and tell her how much she hurt me, but she was in my arms before I had a chance to even think about it anymore. When I felt those little arms around my neck so tight, how could I think of anything else?? Her smile was so bright and happy!

Yep! I think we're going to go see her next game on Tues.

How do you become a hero to someone who has accused you of being cruel to them, though? Or did I already pull it off and don't know it?

Me, too!!!

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How do you become a hero to someone who has accused you of being cruel to them, though? Or did I already pull it off and don't know it?

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Just the way you did it today, my Dear!

I think when we've been hurt a lot in the past, we think "no more - not again," and that's good to a point, but I really believe that it is the hurt put on us with shame and guilt and unjustified responsibility for the adults around us's crap, (and then not being believe by other adults when we cried out for help, bc we weren't equipped as children to handle adult emotions), that was the worst hurt of all.

I think THAT is where most of our shame comes from. Today, you stopped that cycle in it's tracks, and you can keep it stopped, (at least as is in your power to do; you're, of course, not responsible for what other adults in Autumn's life do).

XO,

Jillers

I can only wish I had been allowed to do so much, much sooner. There's no way I would have let it go nearly as long... but I wasn't allowed. It would have saved Autumn and me a whole lot of pain and fear.

Well... what's done is done. We can only go forward from here.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jillers}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

(((Tomi)))...

{{{{{{{{{{Jill}}}}}}}}}}}}

Much, much appreciated.

(((((((((((((((( Tomi )))))))))))))))))

(((((((((tomi)))))))))))))))))

i am so glad that things went so well.. i was wondering about you!!!!!!

Yeah... but there's still a nagging little voice in the back of my mind that says "don't get too comfortable or excited."

Peanut61/Jill got it right. I just don't know why it's always been the women in my family that have betrayed me.

Got to "gramatize" my baby grandson yesterday!! Sure didn't take long for him to trust me!!

In fact, I had a long play time with all three grandkids last night! When they had finally had enough, John asked me if *I* had enough. Told him, "give me 15 mintues to catch my breath and I'll be ready to go again."

Autumn kept wiping my kisses off but that's her game when she wants more. LOL

Austin still is the best cuddler and hugger!! (happy sigh!) Mom and Dad got jealous because he won't cuddle with them like he does me.

Aiden has a thing for my mouth. He's got to stick his grubby little fingers in it all the time, but I got even! LOL He thinks it's hilarious for me to take each little chubby finger and nibble on it. Of course, I nibbled ribs and neck, too! Oh, and the delicious raspberries on his fat little tummy followed by peals of laughter. Funny. It doesn't tickle me!

I even got to hold a brand new baby girl; neice to Christina. She is only four days old. While I was holding her, she sucked on each one of her little fingers on her right hand. Cute baby!

aweeeeeeeeee

awww that is awesome... i am happy for you