Possession: Why do we fall for this trap so often?

Reading about the love life experiences of fellow mental health survivors, I can't help but notice a few patterns in our shared experiences.

Living with depression, my mind doesn't always make "correct" emotional connections in relationships. My last relationship devolved into possession/loss of control on my part, where I felt like I was constantly being emotionally manipulated by my partner. Outsiders noticed it, too.

What is it about us that makes us susceptible to others' machinations? Why do we seem to attract those who are able to see our real selves, but take advantage of that?

Hello blackmagic: Well... I don't know the answer to your question. But what I will say is that I was corresponding with an internet friend a while back. Her current living situation is not ideal. But she has hope for the future & she said that she plans to trust her inner voices to guide her safely into the future. I replied that my inner voices have betrayed me so many times, I no longer trust them. And so, I guess this is sort-of my answer to your question. At least in my case what people sometimes refer to as their inner voices, or intuition, at least in my case I believe is & always has been flawed. This has resulted in my making one bad choice after another... following my "inner voices"...

I think we don't know what 'normal' looks like. What other people see as inappropriate behavior doesn't strike us as out of the ordinary. When a predator comes up to us, we don't tell them to go away -- and so they recognize that we are good targets.

This really hit home for me. It's one of the reasons I hide from the world.

In the same vein as Skeezyks I know myself to be flawed and so I have a tendency to assume that it must be me that is wrong.

So when the red flags appear I just assume it's me being 'wrong' and ignore them.

I have no idea what "normal" looks like, either. But I will say that I have no problems with seeing certain red flags and kicking people to the curb because of them. Some say I am too picky, but at the same time I MUST be picky as it takes a certain type of person who will understand my PTSD and be supportive. Unfortunately many aren't.

My downfall was plain ignorance. I was young and stupid, and my first bf groomed me to be his victim for years...


Certain red flags stood out, and I fought against them tooth and nail, (like trying to dictate my wardrobe and friends) but I chalked it up to him being insecure, I didn't know what was waiting for me...

If I had experience to compare him to, I would've run much sooner.


I honestly didn't know how bad it was until it literally hit me in the face.

And that's when I finally ran.

I can't speak for others though...

I have often felt like damaged goods for having a mental illness and so I have settled for less, despite the fact that I have a lot to offer. I know of others with MIs who have done or are doing the same. Sometimes we feel fortunate to have anyone at all and we settle. Unfortunately this makes our journey even more difficult.