Only 4 months and already having problems

Hello everyone and thank you ahead of time for reading this.

So me and my girlfriend (yes, I'm a girl. I'm bisexual, please don't judge) have been together for just over 4 months now. This is the longest and most serious relationship I've ever had. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone before or will ever love again. But within this short time, problems have already come up.

The thing is that she is 3 years younger than me (I'm 19 and she's 16. Again, please don't judge). She is very mature for her age, but she is still trying to figure everything out. I know this, and always try to remember it when something comes up. It's just that things have been difficult for me lately and I don't feel that she tries to understand how I feel.

Neither of us had a great childhood. She was abused sexually, physically, and emotionally when she was young. Her relationships when she grew up weren't very healthy. I would almost say that she doesn't know what a healthy relationship is.
My childhood wasn't near as bad as hers, but it wasn't great either. My parents never truly showed me love. I grew up hating my mom and younger brother, and my dad was more of a friend than a father figure. I never had anyone to really take care of and love me. I was always a clingy child and that continued into adulthood. My past relationships have been very unhealthy, some have boarded on abusive.

With this, I started this relationship knowing that there would be problems. I didn't realize that I wouldn't have any idea how to handle the problems though :/

We both have addiction problems. She has a bad addiction to weed and I have a bad thing for hydrocodone. I have recently stopped taking any pills that aren't pescribed to me and I'm really proud of myself, she doesn't care. She is on probation and has failed 2 drug tests, she still refuses to give up weed :/. She knows that I really want her to stop smoking weed, but she says the minute she's off probation she's going to start smoking again. I don't know how to get her to see how much it gets to me that she's not wanting to stop :/

I have pretty bad trust issues which has caused several problems between us.
I'm not used to people caring about me. I don't know what to think or how to react. She always gets annoyed with me when this comes up. I'm used to people being kind to me and acting like they care to get something from me (money, a place to stay, sex, ect.). She doesn't understand that and doesn't seem to care when I try to explain it to her.
She also has a thing for talking to several of her Ex's. It honestly doesn't bother me, but I hate it when she constantly talks about them. Or, worse, compares me to them.
She doesn't have a job, so she comes to me when she needs money. I don't mind (I'll give her anything in the world), but I'm starting to feel more like her personal bank than her girlfriend. This causes me to get easily upset with her when money is brought up, and I feel awful for it.

Recently she's gotten it into her head that I don't want her around. She doesn't realize how wrong she is. The thing is, when I'm hurt or upset I tend to shut down completely. I've been stressing out over school, trying to find a job, and moving out of my parent's house. She thinks that me shutting down has something to do with her, and then she won't believe me when I try to explain the real reason for it.

I really do care about this girl. I love her and I'm madly in love with her. I just really need someone to talk to about this.

Thank you,
Shelly

from what you describe you have multiple issues to overcome. she seems to not think about your feelings in any situation and you continue to give and give because of your love for her and then you feel resentful. soon those feelings of resentment are going to overwhelm you. it sounds like you attempt to talk to her but she isn't interested in hearing it. I am sure this is due to her age. it is just like listening to a parent talking to her telling her she is doing wrong. you are right that she does not appear to know what a healthy relationship is. how much can you keep giving without getting in return?

Thank you, kaliope.
I guess I do feel some resentment, never really thought of it like that before. I feel, though, that if I keep giving and giving that it will make this relationship last. I know it might sound odd, but that is how I feel. I'm waiting for the day that she fully opens up to me and starts giving as well :/
I do believe her age plays a big role in this, so I'm hoping that with time it'll all smooth out a bit.

Firstly, feelings aren't facts.


Secondly, your feelings highlighted above are sorely and sadly misguided.


I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that's not at all how this plays out.

Yes, your giving will contribute largely to the longevity of this relationship, but not quite in the way you're hoping for.


In reality, what happens is that we give and give and give and give and give and give until we're all bled dry and have not even an ounce left to give to ourselves.


Then the taker leaves us as we're no longer beneficial to have around..


Or we kick them to the curb for depleting us of our very essence.


After we split up, we then rebuild from scratch, all the while working from very limited mental, emotional and even financial reserves.

There's nothing wrong with being a giver, I myself could never not be one.

What's important is to learn to give within healthy boundaries.

I know you love her , But the fact shes is 16 needs to be considered ... Most are wishy washy and just dont have much real life expierance ... You say you love her more than anyone else and will never find a love like this ??? Thats not realistic to be honest... People change I have been lucky to have true loves 4 times in my life , each one has be difference in some way or another,

If your girlfriend isn't willing to understand your needs and feelings about how her behavior is hurting that you , then its really time for a sit down and speak out about all your concerns.

This relationship is very young to be honest and on top of that she is young ... at 16 most people are just off in the own world and can't see that there actions effect others ..

Im sorry you are in this situation .. I know its not easy for you at all .. You do need to take care of yourself , regardless of her actions.

Best wishes