[LadyCry]

I see to always have a problem staying connected with people. Am I rude and don't know it? Boring? Pushy?

I try to be fun, but maybe I am not normal. I feel like people are way to busy and not interested in friendship....

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I don't know you to make those judgements, and I'd wager the same goes for the rest of us, sorry.

Maybe it's something you could discuss with someone who knows you well and would give you a decent answer.

Originally Posted by LadyCry

I see to always have a problem staying connected with people. Am I rude and don't know it? Boring? Pushy?

I try to be fun, but maybe I am not normal. I feel like people are way to busy and not interested in friendship....

Hello LadyCry: I guess it's difficult for me to answer your question. My response to my personal mental health struggles has been to seal myself off from other people. I am something of an "urban hermit"... except that I am married. But my sense, for what it's worth is that few people nowadays have time for friendships. Everyone's busy working, running the kids around everywhere, participating in "events" of various sorts, etc. People may get together around some common interest for short periods of time, But after a while they part ways & maybe don't see or hear from each other for a long time, if ever.

I suppose it is true some people just make friends more easily than others. They're more popular, more interesting, or whatever. I was never one of those people. (So I'm just speculating here.) Assuming this is true, I don't know what the answer is. I guess if I did, maybe I wouldn't have become a self-styled urban hermit.

Perhaps if you're wanting to try to make new friends, you might try becoming involved in some community activities that are of interest to you. In so doing, you're likely to meet others who have similar interests & this may make it more likely that new friendships will develop. Good luck!

[Lexi232]

i know what you mean.
you dont have to answer if you dont want to, but are you on the autism spectrum?
thats what contributes to my problems with making and keeping friends.
theres a whole lot that differs from each friendship, so its hard to ever be the "perfect" friend. and if you were the perfect friend that would also mean you would likely be sacrificing your own beliefs, values, and self. which wouldnt be a healthy relationship anyways(i do this alot, lol...)
are you friends with yourself?


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Originally Posted by LadyCry

I see to always have a problem staying connected with people. Am I rude and don't know it? Boring? Pushy?

I try to be fun, but maybe I am not normal. I feel like people are way to busy and not interested in friendship....

Hey Lady don't be hard on yourself okay, for some people social communication needs a bit of work, and we all have different tolerance levels, I have this situation almost everyday.

Often I can see now that it's not just how we behave causing the conflict or lack of ability to stay connected, you know I wish people would meet me half way with social communication if it is that obvious I am so inept.

Originally Posted by Lexi232

i know what you mean.
you dont have to answer if you dont want to, but are you on the autism spectrum?
thats what contributes to my problems with making and keeping friends.
theres a whole lot that differs from each friendship, so its hard to ever be the "perfect" friend. and if you were the perfect friend that would also mean you would likely be sacrificing your own beliefs, values, and self. which wouldnt be a healthy relationship anyways(i do this alot, lol...)
are you friends with yourself?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hey Lexi - same, the social issues are also very bad with me in real life, thanks for pointing this out, i just checked the dsm-5 new definition of asperger and they have modified it quite alot, wanting to get rid of 'asperger' and adding a social communication disorder, so one part of the triad is gone, but replaced by another part to keep the triad intact, from what it says. So it looks like asperger syndrome diagnosis is geared towards the interests and social deficit if she did want to get a test done - hope this helps.

[StressedMess]

I can't keep friends because I can't go out and visit and chat and talk on the phone and email and instant message and make an effort to keep in touch. I'd rather not bother and prefer to isolate instead.

Friends I do have tend to overlook these qualities, or either forgive me for them and accept that I'm just that way.

And I'm moody and sensitive and get my feelings hurt over some petty stuff, which causes me to avoid those people and lose touch with them.

Plus I'm awkward and apt to say the wrong thing, ask too personal a question, not get a joke, or feel out of my depth.

Hey, just not a typical social butterfly! May you find good friends and keep them!!

[FallingAwayFromMe]

hey lady, right away when reading this, it made me think of this ex-friend of mine. she use to talk about not being able to keep girl friends (but has plenty of boy friends). i realized she was a home wrecker. i often wonder if she knew this about herself but figure, how could she not? Then i have this other friend who mentioned not being able to keep friends, but recently realized that she is a serious *itch to people. Came on super strong and would just dominate anyone who let her.
What im trying to say is, perhaps you know, deep down, why you can't keep friends. Making excuses maybe your way of not wanting to face reality. If its a negative thing, just learn to better yourself. If its just a matter of people not being able to appreciate your honesty, screw them, honesty is to be appreciated.
hope i didnt come off to harsh, i just had no other way to put it.
love yourself, or no one else will!

[Musica91]

LadyCry,

I know exactly what you mean. With me, its weird too - people seem to think I'm a certain way when they meet me, then as they get to know me (if they stick around long enough or if I stick around long enough), they find out they were totally wrong.

Sometimes that's a good surprise for them - sometimes not.

I think in these times, people are also just not social - I don't think its just "you" or just "me".

And we have a society which moves around a lot and I just think its harder to connect socially than it once was.

I don't know if that helps? Just hang in there, and keep trying. Hugs!

Musica91

[hvert]

It probably has less to do with you than just to do with people being busy in general.

I did notice last night as I met someone new and hung out with someone I hadn't seen in a while that I have a really bad habit of being persistently negative. It's something I'm trying to fix, but I'm still in the observation stage at this point. If you feel like you are turning people off somehow, maybe try observing your behavior?

[Deejjay]

Yes it's a hard one as when one is desperately seeking everyone does seem to be too busy to admit new people into their lives. It's well worth seeing a therapist to see if there is anything you are doing wrong but it could well be that you aren't.
Try participating in activities that you really enjoy where you come in contact with others. Then you have something in common and you won't feel as disappointed if nothing eventuates friendship wise. Targeting ongoing activities where you see the same people is good as you don't have that pressure to pounce on someone too soon but can let the connections naturally build. You also gain a sense of the other people so can plan and target invitations in a way that you are more likely to get a yes.
I've found acceptance and commitment therapy/mindfulness helpful as it's not about "challenging" your thoughts around your experience to prove that it is just "faulty thinking" but is aimed at helping you live with a not ideal situation that is difficult to change by making your thoughts/situation less painful. But ACT also encourages you to get in touch with your values and make changes in accordance with these.