[Yismymindblank12]

I don't want a bf gf crap. I hate when people assume I'm complaining about it. It's upsetting when I'm always looked over. It's annoying no matter how much attention you receive you are always last. I don't feel anything special I don't deserve anything special. I'm tired being fed the bs that everything happens. I don't believe it, I resent that belief, because every time I fell for that trap of putting myself to believe that. I end up frustrating myself and hurting myself every time. I don't expect anything except people who really piss me off.

I hate the idea of it why can so many people can do it. I can't! I know why, except why does it have to be like this. I hate how all my friends who are born with all these opportunities had all these friends and some bad things happen here and there and they got everyone to show their support. I do too, except I don't see it. It's like they are never here to begin with.

Relationships get super awkward because I feel like they feel like I isolated them from everyone in a corner, but I can't help that all my friends suck. I can't help that people are so mean to me.

It's made me believe I really want to wear a bag over my head and stop eating more altogether. I have had an eating disorder because girls didn't like me at all. I mean that I didn't want them to give me all the attention and focus only on me, I mean they flat out treat me like crap and make me feel ugly. I don't fit in their image of perfection so I have to stop eating to hopefully up my chances. I don't have a true friend, so my self esteem in the *******.

I can't and don't believe in love because of everyone who keeps telling me this not credible crap about it. I doubt any of it is true. I hate how my body only wants sex all the time because I have a unusually high libido from an early onset of masturbation being raped. It basically destroys first impressions, it's like a very bad itch to get laid, I control myself no problem, but it's like trying for me to want to get laid and the fact I can't as much as I like to. I'm not a virgin, but damn I hate being in this super conservative city. I don't want to marry you, I don't want to give you a house and kids, it shouldn't matter at this young of an age. Be boring when you get old, don't drag me into this.

I seriously feel like I'm the only one in my community like me, and I hate everyone because I'm lonely and depressed from living in a city with people who are completely different from you. I was always shunned and pushed away in towns and areas I was always in, so why should I care about anyone here. Even if I was attracted to them, when they open their mouth. I just want to be frustrated, but I just walk away and feel very annoyed that people here are so ignorant and trying to pressure me in an unfair way directly.

I hate how my friends, want me to get married or have a nice job girlfriend. I'm just content living something way more simpler and getting laid for now. Everyone seriously needs to leave me alone. I hate my mother getting on how I will go to hell for my sexual needs this isn't about sex mainly. It's just that my relationships in dating, friends, and family have been ruined because no one accepts me for being as sexual as I am. I only had it with 4 girls only 2 were friends, and 2 were partners I've dated, I only wanted to be free from this community so I can understand myself more in this regard.

Everyone here is putting it back on me like I'm a problem child and I'm different I'm the problem in the world. I am going to make all these bad decisions and assuming things I don't do. Yeah because you don't understand me, doesn't mean you can come into my business trying to hurt me all the time and change me into something that I'm not and try to make me miserable.

Living life is ok, but this bad itch, for the need to feel understood and loved is always stabbing me in the chest all the time with anxiety. Fearing that someone is trying to seem nice, but really isn't like before. I'm like on a minefield, I don't trust anyone. I can't be loose, because I'm not anything that they may be attractive. I don't know for sure, I'm just assuming.

I'm really bad at getting laid. Let's be honest here. I only wanted a friendship if I want a true relationship, not what everyone expects me to like. I'm treated like I have no say and I want a say. Please someone take me from this horrible city of crazy ignorant people. I never want to come back, I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to be crucified for crimes that aren't crimes. I didn't do anything wrong or illegal, you find me different so you want to hurt me. No girl in any society wants a guy who likes to be super sexually active all the time when he can't help it. Have kinks that she doesn't approve or share, like being with more than one person..

It feels like I'm forever trapped harming myself for pleasure, self harming and starving myself, and deep down I just only care about getting to the finish line in life naturally. I'm patiently awaiting to die by whatever gets me because I hate how I am not loved for who I am I am wanted for what they only want me to be. When I say, "**** this I'm out!" and stick up for myself. Everyone believes, I'm crazy and unappreciative always telling me I'm unrealistic no one has this blah blah blah you'll get nothing with that attitude. When they look right past the pain I'm dealing all the time. These people suck at caring, I wish they would for once open their eyes and stop being so damn cruel. **** girls, **** friends, **** parents, **** everyone, because everyone is so far up their *** as a collective. It feels like I'm trapped forever imprisoned by a masochistic society in my city where people have all these issues come down complain and take it out on the people they assume are really weak like me, but aren't just because I don't say anything or want to deal with you don't mean I'm weak... Everyone leave me alone and let me be the "slut and man*****" you all assume I am. When I only had it with 4 people just get over yourselves. I am responsible use protection and make smart decisions don't talk to sketchy people, don't do drugs anymore, don't do anything to harm myself, but I'm starving myself and self harming emotionally because not one of you sees what I'm going through all you care about is your stupid, day to day, lethargic, self loathing lives and drudge away on booze, football, parties, shopping, and things that are fun, but it's like you don't have a reason to live you just live. When I do, I get damnation. Thank you have a good night....

[niceguy]

Well...
You have a lot going on...
I think firstly, what you want with a poly relationship is possible. Hell, your online!!Check out some dating websites that specialise in that. Also, not sure what kind of fetishes you are referring to, but I'm sure there will be someone- or people keen to try.

I hear a lot of emotion, but it's kinda rambling rants ATM. It would probably prove more helpful to be specific in what feedback you actually want, cos tbh there is far too much to desipher how to help.

You don't have to want to get married, but maybe the girls your interested in want a commitment, or at least to feel secure, that you won't bounce after getting some. Esp, if you want a permenent threesome. Though I think your overestimating how great that would be. Three personalities? Hell two in a relationship is more than enough. Trust me - I know...

Anyway, hope things get better.