[kelly8896]

I wrote earlier on this and can’t seem to make a decision. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

I met someone through an on-line dating site. We hit it off great and have great chemistry. After the 4th date I found out he had gone out with my twin sister about 6 months earlier. They had only gone on 2 dates and quit dating because she didn’t want or have the time to invest. My kids are the ones that found out he had dated my sister because they talk to their cousins a lot and when they mentioned the details and his name, they all discovered it was the same man.

Understand that I am a very honest person and feel communication is what makes or breaks a relationship, So I brought the information up to him and he acted sincere in his answer. He claimed that he didn’t realize we were related. He had not thought about her since it was several months ago and such a short encounter. I believed him, but it really upset my 16 year old daughter. She thought he was sketchy. She had only met him once and seen him twice, so for her to form an opinion based on the fact that he had gone out with my sister I felt was unfair. But it made me question things more.

The whole situation makes me a little uncomfortable, but I’m also drawn to the guy. My sister and I do not have a good relationship and haven’t for several years. I won’t get into that, but we don’t speak except to say hi at family functions. So I’m not sure if I feel uncomfortable about him dating my sister or the fact that if we continue to date that he’ll run into her and we all may feel awkward.

The other thing that makes me uncomfortable is that my sister and I look a lot alike (we are twins). New Friends can’t tell us apart at first. So I questioned whether he was being honest and whether he knew or not that we were related. I gave him a few days to gather his thoughts and hoped he’d open up and tell me honestly. I explained my feelings on the matter and he still claimed he had no idea. He had not given my sister another thought once he quit seeing her. He said he did not know we were related. Again, I believe he was being sincere.

So I’m stuck. I like the guy, I even met his family and they were great. My daughter’s opinion weighs on me some, and since I don’t know the guy real well I can’t tell for certain if he’s being truthful. It’s hard for me to trust men due to past failed relationships (due to them lying, cheating, etc.) But I also feel I need to take the chance sometime or I’ll never find anyone. My gut is a mess. I don't know what it's saying.

So do I keep seeing him or call it quits? I’m very torn.

[Angelique67]

Do your sister and you have some differences such as hair color, clothing styles, etc? I remember reading that men aren't as good at facial recognition as women are. Maybe he really didn't make the connection that you and she are related.

[kelly8896]

Our hair color is the same, hair styles are a little different and our body size is a little different. I'd say our clothing styles are different too.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Do your sister and you have some differences such as hair color, clothing styles, etc? I remember reading that men aren't as good at facial recognition as women are. Maybe he really didn't make the connection that you and she are related.

Also, the way memory works is different from person to person. For me, I could not possibly NOT remember the looks of a person but I could easily forget people's names. One of my favorite teachers at school was our geography teacher, and I remember her appearance, the sound of her voice and even mannerisms and speech patterns so vividly as if I were now sitting in her classroom (I am 43, mind you). But to look her up online and see if she is alive and to say hi is hardly possible because I do not remember her name. And that is after being her student for several years.

Other people have it the other way.

Also, some people have vision problems and they do not register the appearance as well as people who do not. Apparently this is true even if they wear glasses or corrective lenses.

I know several people who get themselves in awkward situations because they do not recognize their friends, do not say "Hi" when they pass by their friends at work or in social gatherings and thus appear cold or stuck up, but in reality they just do not have the kind of visual recognition ability that other people have and mean absolutely no harm.

Finally, in your case, you may want to think through his motivation. Why would he have not been honest - for what kind of benefit? Unless he is a pathological liar who does not tell the truth because of a compulsion, he would need to have a reason not to tell you the truth. What could that reason be?

[hannabee]

I also can't think of a reason he wouldn't tell the truth about this. Maybe he had a couple of drinks before and during going out with her and that could have clouded his memory of what she looked like.
Maybe do a background check before you get too serious. Good luck!

Hmmm...

He dated your twin, but claims not to know you were related...

Prosopagnosia only occurs in about 3% of people.

If he is one of those people, then it's possible, however the odds are much higher (in my opinion) that he DID see a familiarity.....

Does it matter? I tend to allow a certain amount of BS in the very early days of relationships. So I take that into account when speaking with someone new....THIS kind of BS, I wouldn't like....
But that's just me.

[hvert]

If you have a tendency to believe liars, then I might think that you were repeating that pattern now. If new friends can't tell you and your twin apart, why wouldn't this guy? I am assuming you and your sister have different last names? Are you not connected on Facebook or anything (even just through a shared connection with a parent or another relative)?

There are other guys out there. You are not that invested in this one yet if you have just been on a few dates. I'd lean towards cutting my losses now. His story just doesn't seem believable to me.

IF he only went on a date with your sister and never spent the night, I could see letting this slide. If things went any further than that, I would lose interest.

It really is a tough choice you have to make!