[SilverFlame79]

I know the psychology behind the guy chasing the girl, which is why I've always been reluctant to actively pursue a man unless I know there is a definite interest.

I've been on and off online dating for a while. I found someone who expressed an interest in me and flirting and asked to hang out a couple nights; I was hesitant due to my usual misgivings about meeting guys online (not always a fear of some crazy stalker, but even just not being what I expect) I used a couple excuses and delayed meeting up until the day he was leaving for a planned trip to his work out of state. We hung out for a couple hours, just walked and talked and that was it and everything seemed cool, he did mention "we should hang out again" as I left. Well I knew he was busy with the long drive and work in the three days that followed so texting was sparse. I did mention the idea of seeing a movie and going to the beach (something he showed interest in prior) to which he seemed inclined upon returning.

Well he came back to town yesterday and texting is still sparse but I do try to keep in mind busy schedules and I know he works in the IT field from home for long hours during the day. I know I often sound like a silly middle schooler when I become fixated on a man (I'm 23, btw) and only had four relationships in the past, all of which were rushed into, so I'm not very familiar with the drawn-out dating game/chase and it makes me anxious. I just wrestle with the part of me that wants to outright make my intentions clear and cut to the chase and the part of me that says to hang back and be more subtle and let him come to me. And luckily I have hung back from being overly obnoxious or saying anything silly.

But I guess I am just at a loss of how to continue this, and whether there is an indication he has lost interest in me or just the bad timing what with the trip and not giving enough of a framework for the other person's schedule and not being able/inclined to reply to me right away all the time. Sorry for the long post and probably silly issue, it's not not often I meet someone who I'm very interested in and who seemed to be very into me as well. I should also mention he is 3 years older than me and has stability and that is something both of us are looking for. Anyway, how should I approach the situation from here?

[Jan1212]

Usually I'd give a couple more days if he's not replying as much, before assuming he lost interest, but he's only been back yesterday, and it's a start of a busy weekday. Depends on his type. I would call to talk next time in the evening to name plans for the weekend

It does depend on his style...

I can only speak about my personal experience, but a guy that is cool toward you might be juggling a couple of you. Because he's online dating. It's like shopping a little.

Don't reply to him. Feign disinterest. It does funny things to their brains and makes them seem more interested.

(the above are simply garnered from experience. YMMV

[hvert]

As someone who used to chase guys I was interested in, I finally learned that it's just not worth the hassle. If they are into you, they'll call or text or whatever. Once you let him know that you are interested, the ball is in his court. It doesn't matter how much you space out your texts or phone calls -- if he wants you, that won't matter.

That having been said, there's no harm it putting yourself out there and suggesting you go to X movie on X day or Y day. It will let him know where you are at and he can take it from there.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by hvert

As someone who used to chase guys I was interested in, I finally learned that it's j...m there.

This is good advice. If they don't contact you they are probably not worth having, but men are timid, delicate creatures whose ego must be carefully protected from rejection and gentle suggestion can help them find some courage.

[eskielover]

LOL....you need to watch that movie....."He's Just Not That Into You"....a friend of mind gave that movie to me last Christmas.....it's cute.....you never know just how things will turn out....but you are right.....no matter how much or how little you try to contact them.....if they are interested....they will be there.....if not.....they won't as long as you gave them the "you are interested" signal in the first place which you did by talking about things you might do together.

I know I had a guy in college that was one of my horse riding friends....but he wanted to date & wanted ME to set aside a specific day of the month 6 months in advance that we would go one on. Crap....I don't even plan what I'm going to do the next day let alone 6 months ahead when it's JUST for dinner at a normal reataurant....not like a play that's going to be in town only for a few days 6 months from then......

Had another guy that I enjoyed riding horses with....& he was interested but I wasn't & he was forever sending me HUGE bouquets of flowers.....felt like he was trying to buy my friendship......definitely didn't get involved with that one either.....too much of a free spirit....& most guys are that way.....let them know you are interested & if they are....they will be calling you.....& if they don't get your message.....then maybe you are better off without them also because there will be too many other things they just don't read & if you aren't ok with things like that & get frustrated......it's probably NOT a good fit either.