[bobbins8897]

Wasn't sure if this was the right forum but hey Ho. ...I met my husband 7 years ago, he had just separated from his wife who he had two young children with. We started seeing each other and he moved in pretty quickly due to circumstances. He suggested we try for a baby which I agreed to as he was so good with his kids. We started to have problems rowing all the time mainly about the past. When I was three months pregnant he refused to tell his ex wife I was expecting so I told him I would tell her myself, at which point I found out they had been having an affair for nearly 6 months. He moved back in with her and said it was for his kids. I often wondered why the child I was pregnant with wasn't enough to make him want to put the effort in with me instead of her. Needless to say 3 years later he decided to leave and told me he'd made a mistake he wanted to be with me. We are now married. My daughter is now nearly 6. He has shared custody of his other two children so we have them at least three times a week overnight. My problem is , well more to the point problems are , for starters I don't like his other children, all I see in them is their mother. They are rude, bratty and constantly talking of happy memories they all shared as a family whilst I struggled to look after my daughter by myself. Secondly I cannot let go of the betrayal?, I can not let go of the feeling of humiliation and heartache he left me with. I am constantly in fear that eventually he will leave if not to go back to her them for someone else. In the time since we got back together he has never actually given me reason to think this. He has gone out of his way to support me and make me happy. Nothing seems to work, because really all I want is for his ex wife to no longer be a presence in our life, however as long as he has children with her then she will be. I have grown evermore angry and resentful toward him and his kids. It's ruining our relationship, an I fear if I don't get my emotions in check we won't last for very much longer. I used to be able to del with this so much better. I don't know what happened but now it seems I am incapable. Please help ! It's making me miserable and angry all the time. Thank you <br/>

[Puglife]

Your anger and hurt feelings are understandable. You definitely need to talk to a therapist and about this. Just remember, his kids are a victim in this too. You may not like them very much but they are your daughter's half siblings.

[~Christina]

You got involved with a man that already has children, so he is always going to have some contact with their mother pretty much the rest of there lives as school graduations, weddings, grand kids are probably going to happen.

You can be angry about his ex, sure. But he choose to go back with her, his choice. I assume you have been able to forgive him for it???

Instead of looking at the children and being angry because you see their" mother" why not see it for what it is , they are your husbands children.

The fact is when familes divorce you are going to hear kids talk about times before the divorce, what trips were fun, funny stories or joking around ,etc, That's what kids do . You can't expect them to never talk about things prior to you and there father getting married.

If the children are not behaving when they are with you then "house rules" need to be discussed and agreed upon by both you and you husband about all the children.

I think you could really benefit seeing a Therapist you have a lot of anger going on, Therapy can help you identify where its coming from and processing it in a healthy manner as to move forward in your life.

I'm sorry your going through such a hard time right now.

Welcome to PC

[bobbins8897]

I'm aware I sound like a spoilt five year old....I'm also aware that I chose to get back with him. Honestly I think I was naive. ..I didn't consider the impact that this would actually have, I was just happy to be with him. Don't get me wrong I put in tons of effort with his kids, he couldn't fault me on that. I just wouldn't choose to if it weren't for him. Their behaviour is bad for everyone, just me. I assume they probably resent me too...and I don't want them to experience the broken family that I did as a child, it is me that encourages him to go to parents evenings etc. I did previously deal with this very well, it's like I've hit a brick wall and can't seem to block out the things I previously ignored . They are also mean to my daughter , they begrudge me doing anything nice for her even tho they have their own mum that does nice things with them. I feel like I can't treat my daughter or take her side in an argument between them because I'm so conscious of being unfair to them that I end up actually being unfair to my own child. I'm clearly going wrong here and I feel totally out of my depth, I will look into counselling. Thank you all for your comments x

[hamster-bamster]

I think he should take his children on outings way more often than he currently is doing. For everyone's sake - his sake, their sake, your sake, and your daughter's sake. Just tell him what you have told us - that you are resentful, that they most likely are also resentful, that they are a handful, that your daughter is shortchanged, etc. And that if he does not do it, then pretty soon you will have exhausted your emotional resources. Counselling costs money; for that same money he can take them out and you can take your daughter to a playground for a mommy-and-me time, one-on-one.

[kat345]

I'll start off by saying, no you're not a horrible person, you did nothing wrong in this situation and it is only naturally for you to feel resentment towards both him and his children. He cheated on you and as you said, they remind you of his ex wife. What he did was wrong and can never really be forgiven, but without forgiveness, only you will end up suffering as you are. You've had the burden of knowing that even while he had suggested to you that he wanted to have a baby with you, and were carrying it, that he was sleeping with his ex and having to carry that around with you will eventually start to make you feel like this. There's nothing worse than betrayal, especially when its with someone you trust and love and the fact that you were carrying his baby makes it all the more hurtful. What he did however, cannot be changed and unless you seek help and advice from a therapist or some form of counselling preferably marriage counselling with him so that this can be discussed and sorted from the core, then it will only get worse and only you will be suffering the consequences. The children on the other hand are also victims in this, they lost their father in this situation and its also only natural for them to want their parents to be together and so talking about happy memories may be their way of trying to encourage this. The fact that you see their mother in them is not their fault and they have also had to lose something from this situation, and so the best option is for you to seek help before this gets any worse.
I hope this helps x

[FreeBird98]

I would be mad too and hurt. It Sounds like you're his back-up.. I know you are married now but that's how I would have felt. You will probably always resent his kids..I think you could benefit from therapy to find strategies to work through your feelings. You're not a bad person..you're just hurt sorry