[hopper18]

I am just a little stressed and need a second opinion, and perhaps some advise. My boyfriend is a great guy, smart, dedicated, determined, hard working, loving, caring. All of the things you look for. We are both just very different. I am very social, outgoing, and more of an anxious person, while he is more of a dismissing individual. That is really what I love about him is our differences. We have been dating almost 2 years and live together.

I have never jumped into a relationship as quickly as I did with him, and he is also the first partner I have ever moved in with. When we first started dating he broke up with me about 7 months in. A little more than a year ago now. He broke up with me, then the next day realized what a huge mistake it was and I took him back. I really cared about him and was willing to give a second chance.

Since then everything was working well. Of course I was having issues with insecurities from him breaking up with me (which is normal) and I have forgiven him and bounced back.

About 9 months after the break up, I found something on his phone about going to one of those massage houses. *Special massages* I approached him about it very upset and crying asking if he had gone and why he was looking.

He told me he never went and was only looking, bad habits die hard. I told him very seriously that if he didn't want to be with me or was unsatisfied sexually he needed to come out with it. He said it was a big mistake, I forgave him again.

About 3 months after that I noticed his e-mail was hooked up to my ipad so I did a little snooping because of the last issue my trust was once again destroyed. I then found out that when we first started dating he was still seeing his ex GF, so technically was talking to her long distance and dating me (It was when we first started dating and he did break up with her so I never told him that I knew) but I did then found out that he had been going into chat rooms and sexually chatting with girls. Not a lot of chatting mostly just masturbation but still it was a HUGE hurt to my heart. He was very embarrassed, felt really bad, and once again said it was HUGE mistake he didn't mean it it was nothing just porn. Yet still to me it was more than that. I asked him again if he was satisfied sexually he should not be doing these things. I asked him once again if he was serious with our relationship. He apologized felt very bad and I forgave him, because I love him. I did mention this time that I can not continue to get hurt with this lies, and if it happens again I'm done. I have to put my foot down somewhere.

A few weeks ago we had a really silly fight just over our personality types and an incident we had went through. Out of anger he lashed out and called me a "pushover. " I freaked out, got very upset and told him I'm happy he can finally tell me the truth if that is how he really feels And that if he feels I am a pushover that is not right and really messed up to say just because I am a nice person. I left the fight, and had to eventually come back to him saying how sorry he was once again. I love him dearly so I forgave him, it was only a fight, a lash of anger from him..... I hope

Now I told myself last time that one more thing and I couldn't handle it anymore.

He is very secretive of his phone, so it makes me very insecure that he is hiding something. I am very open with my phone and let me take it whenever he likes, if I even grab his phone once he is quick to snatch it away. This creates even more trust issues, even though I want to trust him so much, and I love him A LOT.

Him and his friends are taking an upcoming trip to Vegas....with his sexual history of being a porn lover I am scared he will go to strip clubs, I really hate being his crazy. He is going with his friends for a wedding he should be able to go to strip clubs without me freaking out. But I do because of our history.....

So I found this e-mail from his friend who is getting married with links to sex ranch clubs, not just strip clubs, hooker houses where u can get stuff done.

This really sent me over the edge. I didn't tell him I saw the e-mail but casually mentioned what he will be doing and if his friends are interested in things like this.... I think he knew I saw the e-mail because he got very defensive.... asked where this was all coming from and I just said it was an idea from a friend because they were joking with me about hookers (which my friends actually did mention to me, and got me freaked out to snoop) He of course told me his friends are not like that and he isn't going to do that and it is gross....

The next day I noticed that the e-mail from his friend was deleted....

Now I am stuck in this crazy situation and I really don't know what to do. I told myself one more thing, one more lie, and I would have to end it. But I have invested so much of my heart and love into us it is very difficult.

I know I just need to come out and talk with him, tell him the truth (because I am truthful and can't live with lies) yet I know he will be upset, embarrassed, and angry that I was looking at his e-mail.

Please help.....

You know deep down in your heart what you need to do . If you had not of found all the
" Red Flags " do you think he would of told you ? Hell NO !

You keep saying you love him but love dose not save a person if they are not honest with you , that is not love your blinded by your love to him and at the end your going to get hurt , you see all the warning signs but for some reason your not doing anything to stop this madness so it will continue until either he dumps you or you wake up and dump him .

My advice move out and leave him , you know he wont be faithful with his friends they will all get drunk hello ..

Ask yourself if a friend wrote this letter what would you tell her ?
Your gut feeling never lie if it did you would of never looked at his stuff and I bet if you looked harder you would find more things .

You only have one life to live why waste it on someone who clearly has no respect for you

[Rose3]

Where do you see this going? Is it possible for you to arrange for yourself to have some space and time away from him for a while? To kind of think this through and figure out what's reasonable for you. What would you like to happen? As things are right now - do you want these to continue? Or would you like some changes?

[~Christina]

It's sad that these types of situations/replationships are increasing in numbers all the time.

He has lied to you time and time again, Yes you love him, yes you have some time invested in this relationship, so not so easy to just pack a bag and move on.

You need to decide just how much more of this your willing to put up with. He is sorry each time of course, But he is only sorry because he got caught in lies. You do need to think also about the possibility of him actually having sex with hookers or other women in general and he could easily bring home any kind of STD.

Is couples therapy an option? If hes not willing , please see a Therapist on your own, someone that can help you see what is healthy in your relationship and what is not.

You deserve love ,respect, honesty and loyality.. Seems all that is lacking in this relationship, those are the cornerstones of any relationship romantic of not.

Never settle for being treated this way.

Take care of you.

[healingme4me]

Are you financially able, to live on your own? Sometimes being trapped by finances causes a person to convince themselves that a not so great relationship can be saved or to settle for less than they deserve.
If these things, especially the ex gf were known before moving in, in an honest assessment, do you feel you'd have moved in together?

[CaptainChaos79]

Run away as fast as you can