[hamster-bamster]

I am subletting the small bdrm in my 2-bdrm as a crashpad. Just for several months, until the guy's family, which is back in his home state, sells the house and relocates here. The guy seems very nice. He will have the small bdrm and the hall bathroom to himself. The master bedroom has its own bathroom. He says that he cannot cook for the life of his and will eat out. There are plenty of eateries around here, so I trust that he will find something.

I have never lived in this fashion and am trying to prevent problems. That he is going to move in is vital to me financially - I would not be able to make ends meet otherwise. By the time his family joins him here, I might get a decent job, but for now this income is essential to me, and I want to do it right. And if I like the arrangement and the extra cash, I may then sublet again, because there is demand.

Thinking along the lines of how I can make it a good experience for the guy, I did or plan to do the following:

1. I am going to have several t-shirts on hand and a couple of medium length skirts with an elastic, so that I can get dressed in my bedroom and not walk around in a bathrobe
2. Shall I clean his bathroom? This remains unclear to me. I am leaning towards cleaning it, or, alternatively, I can leave a spray bottle with a cleaner and a roll of paper towels for him, and he will take it from there. Opinions on what is better would be greatly appreciated.
3. I may or may not ask him if he wants to share a meal with me. I am a good cook, but I do not want to make him feel that I am imposing on him. So, I do not know what is better.
4. I will maintain the cleanliness of the kitchenette at all times, even though he would not be using it.
5. I will continue to diligently clean after the cats and use a deodorizer plus spray with an essential oils solutions to make the place smell nice.
6. I will give him a key to the laundry room outside. I will pour enough of the laundry detergent for 4 months into a small container and give to him so that he would be independent. Or is bordering on going out of my way? I wonder...
7. I will make space for his bike.
8. I told him about my cats who are escape artists and asked to enter and exit the place swiftly, without lingering.
9. I have a fruit bowl on the dinner table and I will say that he is welcome to it.
10. I cannot think of anything else. I badly want this to go well, but don't want to appear completely crazy by overdoing being hospitable.
11. I asked him to receive his mail at the office, because the mailboxes in this apartment complex are so tiny that even one person's mail does not always fit. He said: "sure thing, I planned to do it anyway". CHECK Mark.

[Angelique67]

I hope this works out really well for you hamster. The only thing I'd say is to make sure the boundaries are clear.

Being dressed instead of in a bathroom, great idea. Cleaning his bathroom, no. Give him the supplies and leave it to him. By all means keep your areas clean and fresh.

He's not a guest, he's a tenant. Think along those lines. Some of your ideas are more based on the guest aspect than the tenant aspect.

I've never had good luck with roommates, but that's me. I hope, and I do think, this will work out well for you. Good luck.

[guilloche]

I hope it works out too. It sounds like you're very considerate, and I'm sure things will go smoothly.

I've rented a small apartment from someone (above their garage, so we weren't quite as physically close as you're going to be). They definitely did NOT clean my bathroom or supply any cleaning/laundry supplies. They did give me access to the washer/dryer, but I'm pretty sure I bought my own detergent.

I absolutely agree with Angelique about clear boundaries. And, yes, making sure you're dressed when you are in "common spaces" (living room, kitchen) is a good idea.

Even though he won't be cooking, he may want to use the fridge (if he has leftovers from a restaurant, for example, or milk for his coffee) so you of course can make sure he feels welcome to that and leave some space for his stuff. Same thing with the rest of the kitchen, he may not "cook" but might want to heat up some water for tea/coffee, or toast a bagel or something?

I think it's lovely that you'd invite him to share a meal. Probably not necessary or expected, but I don't think it's an imposition. If you feel like sharing, you can just casually let him know you've got enough to share and that he's welcome to a plate. Just be careful about boundaries - don't push (not that you would!) if he doesn't want any, and be careful to not set the expectation that you'll be cooking all the time for him!

Good luck with it! I'm sure once he gets there you both will settle into a routine. The biggest thing that I always found with roommates was good communication. If something happens that you're not comfortable with, or if he seems uncomfortable, being able to talk honestly and kindly is such a huge help in getting past all the little weird things that pop up when living with someone else.

Good luck!

[hamster-bamster]

Thank you guys! I feel more confident now. Giving him supplies for cleaning and laundering is what I would do, because I have enough Tide to last me for several years so that would be his detergent, and I make my own vinegar+dish-washing liquid+drops of lavender essential oil solution for a spray cleaner, and buy paper towels at Costco, so the marginal cost for me of providing him with the supplies is very small, but the gesture would be appreciated. I won't clean his bathroom though. I will draw the boundary at my providing him with the supplies and the laundry room key.

Inviting him to share a meal once or twice casually without sounding overbearing is another thing I will do, and yes, will leave space for him in the fridge and on kitchen counters. I buy a gallon of milk each time I get milk and might just tell him that he is welcome to use it as a creamer for his coffee since it is not much quantity anyway. I won't offer other foods or liquids from my fridge, so the boundary will be drawn there.

This is beginning to sound exciting even! Most importantly, the guy is laid back and low key. Very casual and down to earth. I think it is a good trait. He is the kind of person to who it is easy to say: "Hey, this and that, not that it is a big thing, but I wanted to mention that..."

[unaluna]

I actually lived in this kind of situation for a while, where i was the person sleeping in the extra bedroom. Difference being it was a house, and the owner was a little crazy - like he would yell at me one day for not being social enough when he had a guy friend over, and then tell me i was hovering too much when he had a female friend stay. And then he had a drinking on lithium problem and i just was not educated enough about these issues, or i was in denial myself. I mean, it was back before everybody had cell phones, so even the phone was an issue! Thats so funny now!

You might want to have coffee together in the morning, or breakfast once a week, or some set time to talk about issues that might arise. But it sounds like you are already being a more than gracious hostess. As crazy as he was, i did enjoy my time with roommate. But i think he travelled a lot and i was more like a housesitter.

[hamster-bamster]

I was just thinking yesterday night - thank goodness for cell phones.

Many years ago I let a gal stay in my apartment out of pity. She had nowhere to go. Well, she spent hundreds of dollars on long distance phone calls. It was not without trouble that my got her to leave the place.

But now, even the word combination "long distance calls" is sort of... when did I hear that last time? In this millennium or in the past millennium?..

[~Christina]

I feel much the same as the others .

This is what I would do...( I know some if not all has already been suggested.)

1.Put up a roll on toilet paper holder. After that he is on his own.
2.He can buy his own laundry soap and a bottle of cleaner for the bathroom.
3.Bowl of fruit ? Yes I would probably say help yourself if you would like to.
4. I would clean out some space in the Fridge, for whatever he drinks or take out food left overs or lunch meats, snack foods.
5. Maybe clean out a bit of cabinet space for bread bagels cereal or such things.
6. I don't think I would cook bigger amounts that you are already doing. for yourself. 1. That might start a trend of doing so and it could become kind of expected, for 2. You are not in the financial position to spend more money on food. Defeats the purpose of needing the extra money by renting a room out.
7. Walk him through your kitchen so he will know where to find things, show him that cupboard space and fridge space you have for him to use. No one really wants to eat out 3 meals a day for months, sometimes you just want a peanut and jelly sandwich for an example.
8. Have you thought or discussed him having people over? Would you be okay with him having guests in the apartment?
9. Sit down and discuss basic common "rules" for the lack of a better word. Agreements of what is okay and is not okay. Both on same page will make this situation work easily on both sides.

I would start out with a good solid boundaries and as time goes by you and him could "blend" a bit more.

[hamster-bamster]

Ok, I got it. I do not need to provide 4 extra rolls of toilet paper just in case . Nor cook extra. A bowl of fruit be it, but not more.

He will not have guests over. That was written in his ad (when he was looking for a crash pad). He is working and when he can, he flies back to his home state to be with the wife+kids (this is where he is now). So no guests. Given that he wrote it proactively, advertising himself as an easy, quiet, low maintenance tenant, I do not think I should rehash it. Right?

[Rose76]

You might want to do some kind of background check on this guy. Also, get a dead bolt lock installed on your bedroom door. (You'll sleep better.)

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Ok, I got it. I do not need to provide 4 extra rolls of toilet paper just in case . Nor cook extra. A bowl of fruit be it, but not more.

He will not have guests over. That was written in his ad (when he was looking for a crash pad). He is working and when he can, he flies back to his home state to be with the wife+kids (this is where he is now). So no guests. Given that he wrote it proactively, advertising himself as an easy, quiet, low maintenance tenant, I do not think I should rehash it. Right?

Ah, got it. Yeah, you might want to mention it in a low-key way, I'd say something like "By the way, your ad mentioned that you weren't having guests over. If that changes, could you give me a heads-up so I know not to wander around in my pajamas?"

[Edit to add: I probably wouldn't actually say THAT to a male that I don't know well yet. I wouldn't want him to think that I'd be parading around in PJs and various states of undress while he was there. But, you get the gist, right?]

But yup, it sounds like he really is just looking for a place to sleep until he can get his own accommodations and bring his family over. It sounds like he could be a perfect temporary tenant!

And, you said you've talked to him right? And he really is low-key? That's great if so. Should be very low-drama! Hopefully, you won't even know he's there!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Rose76

You might want to do some kind of background check on this guy. Also, get a dead bolt lock installed on your bedroom door. (You'll sleep better.)

I have it. The dead bolt. Very helpful, because sometimes my cat gets hungry at night and my policy is: I get up to give one 3 oz can of Fancy Feast. I still get up to give another can. I do not get up to give a third can, because there is hunger and there is indulgence. After 2 cans, it can only be indulgence. So I take the cat, throw him outside of my bedroom, and lock the door while he lands on the carpet. He very much understands that this is fair treatment (no 3rd can and a flight with a soft landing on the carpet) - when I get up in the morning, he is on his best behavior.

With the background check - since the tenant-to-be is a new employee, I assume that the employer checked thoroughly. He is a new employee who so far is living in corporate housing and to whom the company would pay moving costs (to move stuff from his home state). Don't you think that an employer would not go to such lengths for a guy whose background they did not check thoroughly? In other words, I am working off the assumption that the employer checked the references and criminal records.

[healingme4me]

Hope it works. I like the idea of keeping cleaning supplies, in the bathroom. I'd expect he'd know how to maintain it well enough? Keeping the kitchenette maintained with basics sounds fair. As far as supplies in laundry, it's not that pricey, that he cannot obtain his own supplies.

Fingers crossed that it works for you.

[~Christina]

I second the lock on your bedroom door a must have regardless of a male or female renter.

I would also speak to his wife , Just a "hi" glad to meet you , maybe once your relocated here we could all go out to dinner once , as a welcome to the city. Besides you need to have a contact number for her in case something happens to him.

Do you have a written contract with this fellow? both sign and have a notary stamp it. The reason I ask is I once got into a mess once over not have such an agreement, according to state law (Florida) I had to go thru an entire eviction process , yes during which time the person did not legally have to pay me a dime in rent nor could I just change the locks. 3 months it took... I'm sure your situation will go smoothly, but one needs to cover all bases.

Just some thoughts

[Rose76]

I'm glad you do have that dead bolt on the door. Like Christina, I say it's not about gender. It's about all kinds of safety and privacy concerns. I've lived in rooming houses where I've shared an apartment with several strangers. We each kept our rooms locked, and I think that eliminated a lot of problems. No one took it as an insult.

That sounds reasonable about the new job giving you some sense that the guy probably has a pretty clean background.

[hamster-bamster]

Oh well... it is not going to work out. They have just gotten an offer on their house and plan to close in 3 weeks.

But still, I am glad I researched the subject and gotten thorough responses; I am going to post on Craigslist now. Off Craigslist, I definitely would do a background check.

[Angelique67]

I'm sorry this one didn't pan out. I wish you a lot of good luck, but I'd be afraid to use Craigslist.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I'm sorry this one didn't pan out. I wish you a lot of good luck, but I'd be afraid to use Craigslist.

I see your point. I think it would be better for me to send this ad to various people (I know a bunch) working in large companies for posting on their internal mailing lists where people post housing ads. It would be safer this way.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I see your point. I think it would be better for me to send this ad to various people (I know a bunch) working in large companies for posting on their internal mailing lists where people post housing ads. It would be safer this way.

That sounds like a much better idea. At least there's far less chance of things other than people actually looking for a place happening.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

That sounds like a much better idea. At least there's far less chance of things other than people actually looking for a place happening.

Indeed. No shady characters. At least, a much lower risk of facing a shady character.

[~Christina]

Roommate.com ? Padmatcher.com? I would be very leery of posting on Craigslist to be honest.

Always meet a potential renter in a public place first , coffee shop ? Make sure you don't have that omg "creep factor"

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Roommate.com ? Padmatcher.com? I would be very leery of posting on Craigslist to be honest.

Always meet a potential renter in a public place first , coffee shop ? Make sure you don't have that omg "creep factor"

posted on padmatcher.com, but without pics. tomorrow will take the pictures. But at least it is up there! thanks for the suggestion roommate.com - tomorrow.

Hi hamster...

The only thing that I would add to the already excellent suggestions is to listen to your instincts when talking to people.
Also there are free generic lease agreements online to copy and print out (make one for each of you). And require tenant insurance....they may not have much, but if anything happens they could hold you liable and not everyone is as honest as we are.

I would not expect anything if I was renting a room from anyone and I think that it's very nice that you offer....

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Hi hamster...

The only thing that I would add to the already excellent suggestions is to listen to your instincts when talking to people.
Also there are free generic lease agreements online to copy and print out (make one for each of you). And require tenant insurance....they may not have much, but if anything happens they could hold you liable and not everyone is as honest as we are.

I would not expect anything if I was renting a room from anyone and I think that it's very nice that you offer....

I carry renters' insurance. I have a bundle with AAA: car+renters. This is fairly new - I am in my first year of doing this. Do you mean to say that the tenant should have his or her insurance? I am just clarifying because this idea did not occur to me.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I carry renters' insurance. I have a bundle with AAA: car+renters. This is fairly new - I am in my first year of doing this. Do you mean to say that the tenant should have his or her insurance? I am just clarifying because this idea did not occur to me.

Personally, I would require him to carry insurance for his stuff. I believe your insurance only covers your own stuff.
We also have our own insurance which includes the kids stuff (because it's under our roof), but when they have rented in the past, it was required that they have their own renters insurance.

Perhaps, as an alternative, there's some kind of release of liability statement that your renter could sign? This I'm only guessing at this, though.