[Citrine]

Hi all. I dont post much these days. I have so many things on my mind.

Anyway I have an older friend who is really becoming irritating. She has always had her quirks and oddities but lately its getting worse.

Shes stubborn to the point of ridiculous. She would rather ruin things for herself and spoil something than coooperate or accept a situation she doesnt like very much. Then goes on about the incident with pride.
Terribly vain for her age and always going on about peoples size.
She cant be on time and instead of feeling ashamed and sorry comes out with bull stories and no way woukd u say..oh again? Or..yeah right.
She has no understanding of mental ill health. Necer had any issues and kind of thinks its all in mind. I have never called her in a dark moment but I have tried to intelligently explain OCD, anxiety etc but its wasted time. She thinks its all weak and we need to toughen up.
She lives in the past, I can talk in the now and she will recount an experience when her mum was alive or 30 yrs ago. Its so frustrating.
She seems to enjoy talking about illness and death! This is dreadful. So often a conversation will turn round to a death experience she has had..again the past. Another example is we could be talking on the phone and she will gasp and halt the conversation and say oh just a minute oh dear poor girl on tv ight now is having her alsation put to sleep. Smack bang in the middle of an unrelated convo. She digresses until Im dizzy.
Leading from that shes obsessed with animals deaths. I have heard 50 times each im sure how her dog from 30 yrs ago died and the cats and the tale of a kitten.
She repeats herself and stories frequently. longwinded stories with every miniscule detail pausing over names and dates. Ahhing and saying others words as well like a bl...y play!. Most people would say get to the point in this situation.
Ive never bren to her house in all these10 yrs...why? Its now clear shes a hoarder. She has never got rid of anything nor her parents things. Furniture, books u name it. Rooms and rooms full of unboxed things. Unyet shes normal right?!
She is inconsiderate, she never thinks about my time. I will say I have to go and she will carry on. Not even get to the point. I had 3 mins to get my bus the other day because she doesnt care to stop talking. Then I bumped into another friend and it would be rude not to introduce so it was names only as I had to go. I saw her go into selfish mode and ignore why we were charging to bus station. She actually thought it was time for chitchat and proper intros.
She stubbornly wont visit my home. She says I live too far away (15m) and she doesnt like the roads to get here. I have to trek by bus to a middleground.
Anyway yes I sound like a cow but Im worn out. I have big problems and she gets me down. I need a considerate fun friend not a pain in ***. Theres more but thats enough! Help?

[ChipperMonkey]

Yep, I'd say its time to let this one go. If you don't feel like being blunt and telling her its over, back off slowly. Stop returning calls and texts and emails. Not always the nicest thing to do, but in some cases its the best as some people will blow up on you if you tell them the truth. There are lots of great people out there, why waste more time on this one?

I wonder what there is about this relationship that keeps you in it, Citrine. From what you write you get nothing out of it but inconvenience & strife. Yet you stay. The reality of the situation is, you can't change this person. She is who she is. So, to me, the question would seem to be what is it you're getting from the relationship that causes you to want to stay in it?

[hvert]

I first came to this forum because I had a similar problem - an older friend whose behavior had grown intolerably rude and strange over the past few years.

It took me a long time, but I finally stopped seeing my friend. She has family in the area and lives in senior housing, so I wasn't abandoning her to the elements, as it were. I don't know if it is the aging process or medication, but this does seem to happen to certain people.

I am much happier without her and wish I had stopped letting myself be guilted into wasting so much time providing her with an audience for her crazy rambling. Yes, there's a part of me that feels bad that I dumped a friend because she was old and annoying -- but there was no part of her that felt bad about taking advantage of my goodwill.

Taking a break from her sounds like a good step to take. Don't waste your energy feeling bad about this. A friendship needs two people to work well.

[Citrine]

Thanks for understanding folks. hvert especially as the thoughts in my mind are the same and you have been in the same situation. I do feel quilty and you may see this thread removed ss I see how horrible I seem. I shouldnt be lashing someone for all to read either she cant help it. I can. I will keep our contact to a quick call 1 time per week see how it goes. I just dont need anymore irritation in my crappy little life.