[mojave_rose8]

Ok. After three years of friendship with a compulsive liar, I have decided to call it quits. I tried so, so hard to be supportive. I tried to look at the situation objectively and understand this person's condition. I tried to remember that the lying was their problem, not mine, and not a reflection on me. But I reached my limit.

The lies were big, small, and constant. Some of them were egregious, such as lying about having cancer. Some were absurd. And some were frivolous. I am not sure I ever had an interaction with this person without them lying on some level.

That said, we were close, and I loved her as a friend. I brought up the lying once -- very gently, non-threateningly, and even told her some behaviors I myself am very ashamed of to break the ice. She admitted only to the lie that was possible to disprove (without actually saying, "I lied about that") and then said, "Everything I say is true, I just leave out details." (?)

I think it would have been easier if she had just admitted, "Yes, I have a problem with lying. I am sorry. I can't help it. I hope you will still be my friend."

I think the lack of an apology, lack of acknowledgement that her behavior is hurtful -- lack of empathy, I suppose -- hurts most of all, and has made continuing the friendship impossible.

But despite the hurt, I still feel like I failed her, that if I was a better friend, I could have learned to overlook the lying.

[hopingforpeace]

So sorry to hear about this situation. I think you did what you had to do to spare yourself. It is no fun being lied to, makes you feel like the person doesn't value you. I am going through a similar problem. Sometimes you just have to make the decision to dismiss people from your life for you sanity's sake. Hang in there.

[SophiaG]

Once you lie you kinda have to be committed or face embarassment. Maybe that's where your friend was coming from. But it doesn't really matter, if the relationship wasn't working for you, it wasn't working for you.