[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I feel a dark cloud looming over my head, the ever present onset of Christmas. Thanksgiving was such a disaster, I would like to ignore Christmas. I don't want to put up my tree. I am feeling the pressure to conform however. I know my young daughter in law is all energetic and put hers up on the day after Thanksgiving and mentioned that she and the little ones could come over and put mine up, but I declined. I love how my family told me that once I got divorced and now live alone that I should just put up some kind of little twig. How insulting that was to me.

No, it does not matter in the grand scheme of things, but it is all going to be in my face the next few weeks via social media and television. No, I won't cut it all off. I do have to buy some gifts for the kids, cannot get around that. My family is a huge disappointment to me for some reason lately. At Thanksgiving my only sister told me a few days before that she wanted nothing to do with me and my children basically, without coming right out and saying it. That put a dark cloud over our whole day, no one said anything but it was hurtful. Plus my daughter in law is so casual that she did not even bother to set the table, we all had mismatched plates and glasses. We only had glasses rather than plastic cups because I mentioned it. It felt like a last minute gathering rather than a special occasion. I could go on and on but the day just stunk to me. I guess my expectations are high, that is not how I would do things. I wonder if the disappointment was obvious in my face? When we sat down to eat, all crammed in at a little table, I had an awful feeling come over me. It was profound. Not sure exactly what to blame for that.

Next time I guess we should just get take out Chinese and sit on the couches watching the parade. I cannot look forward to holidays like that anymore. Why bother? With my attitude right now I don't expect much for Christmas. Now that our family is completely broken up, I guess I just need to take the gifts to the kids, stay a minute and then just retreat back to my cave. I used to go full force into Christmas, put up a nice expensive tree and decorate. Do lots of baking and spend lots of time shopping for gifts. Now I do not have the money for all that. Who says money can't make you happy? It certainly could for a little while. Having none can sure make you miserable. Christmas really should not be all about who has the money to afford it, but it is!

[Crazy Hitch]

I am so sorry that you are not in a good place right now foreverlonelygirl.

Especially at this time of year.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

I am so sorry that you are not in a good place right now foreverlonelygirl.

Especially at this time of year.

Thank you. I am wondering how I am ever going to get to a better place. I seem to react badly to any situation any more. It is driving people further away.