[Secretum]

I have a friend who cancelled our plans a few weeks ago because she purposefully scheduled something over our time together. We rescheduled for Friday. Now I get a text from her, explaining that once again, she made new plans, but that we could still meet for a quick dinner, because "a little time is better than none". Then she asked me if we were "cool".

Wtf??!

No, no we are not cool. It is NOT okay for her to treat me like that. I can understand if she simply forgot we had plans, but to remember and then purposefully schedule something over them?! No, just no. I deserve better than that.

How should I respond? She's expecting me to be sweet and compliant and just tell her that "yes, that is cool. See you Friday!" because I always let people (including her) walk all over me. But now I've had enough.

I'm tempted to tell her that "No, we are not cool. I deserve better than that. You need to make me more of a priority. Let's reschedule (again), and this time don't make plans with someone more important during our time".

Is that too aggressive? I'm terrified of conflict, and I'm afraid that telling her that will end our friendship. But at the same time, I'm really mad. And I can't continue to let people walk all over me. I've done enough of that.

[maninblack]

Direct is definitely necessary here. I think what you are tempted to say is great, minus the part about making plans with someone more important. Maybe say, "let me know a day and time that works, and stick to it." YOU are important.

I have had that happen many times you want to blow up but you don't because they somehow turn it around and make you the bad person ..

My advice is if you really want to see her then do it but if not then tell her how you feel ..

[maninblack]

Or, do both- go visit, but make it clear that your time is valuable, too. An "I feel" statement would be helpful, such as "I feel like you don't respect my time when you schedule over our plans."

[hvert]

I would probably just cancel the dinner date and not make plans with her again. There's nothing wrong with being direct with her either.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I'm tempted to tell her that "No, we are not cool. I deserve better than that. You need to make me more of a priority. Let's reschedule (again), and this time don't make plans with someone more important during our time".

Is that too aggressive? I'm terrified of conflict, and I'm afraid that telling her that will end our friendship. But at the same time, I'm really mad. And I can't continue to let people walk all over me. I've done enough of that.

I'm going to admit at the outset I'm an old fart. I would be highly upset if someone sent me a TEXT cancelling our plans. At least have courtesy to call and tell me personally. Stand me up because "something better" came along? I'd be rip snorting PO'd!

As for you reply to her, how about "No, we are not cool. I deserve better than that. You need to make me more of a priority. Call me so we can find a day and time that works for both of us."

I don't believe you are being too aggressive. You sound assertive. I understand not wanting to lose your friendship with her, but do you really want to continue in any relationship where the person disrespects you this way?

[Lemon Curd]

Make no mistake about it.
You are not a priority to this individual.
It's not someone I would reschedule anything with.
You teach people how to treat you.
You are worthy of being a priority.
I know I am.

[maninblack]

How did this turn out?