[Yismymindblank12]

this youtube link of a complete description of what I needed. Why I don't like many people, the people I'm around are very superficial even in love or dating or seeing people as a another half and a boring love story. A lot of the girls want something, but aren't vocal about it and display it in negative behaviors. I find many people I like are too damaged or abusive to me, but this is exactly what I was talking about. Someone who gets me and knows me more than me.

This video described it, why many girls thought I was not attracted to them, because of stupid superficial reasons. I just find none of them suitable for being my friend, or worth my time to be my friend not very long.

I desire an individual to be in love with, with whatever decent looks come with the package wherever in the world. I needed this, like I've really really needed this.

This person would give me and her the opportunity to grow as another better versions of each other when we are around and thus never be boring a complete comfortable sense of knowing that we aren't afraid or nervous/anxious of our departure. This is who I've died and wanted to be alive with for a very very very very very long time.

It's a feeling of the familiar, not just a human feeling of wanting what most people want in love, it may not be even that at all. It's like awe struck feeling not that I'm oogling the looks and simple carnal fantasies everyone has for a short lived time period before breaking up, divorcing, it's like a constant feeling of bliss that even at the worst. It's gratitude they exist with you now and they are alive to be here with you. Even though they can live their life with and without you no problem and same with their expectation, but that doesn't really matter. It's a pure gratitude and just living not worrying about the shoulda coulda woulda or I wish I had's. I mean someone who probably can live without you, but won't ever forget you and will be saddened like the loss of a mother a father a someone who impacted their life so significantly it sends bigger shockwaves than he or she ever knew as their partner whoever they are to them.

I want that so badly. I turn down lots of people, I just want to be surprised and not be constantly barraged being to settle, because I look nice to them. There is a place for that, but not how many people go about it. I'm not interested in it, I don't care if I die before it happens. I've accepted both terms of my life, to either die alone and continue to live now and then or meet this person and continue living and enhancing with someone else to grow on and live with in pure gratitude.

I want that love. No marriage, no ring, no ceremony, no culture could ever tell me that. No documents no house no way of modern life or the complexity can dictate this, I want it to happen naturally without these influences. I want to be with this person as not a life partner, but as an experience partner, a partner to go on every adventure a person who is wanting nothing to be around me and me being around them to experience all the ups and downs life can bring.

Why is this so hard to find? I haven't met anyone like this, and their face seems faceless to me now. Their voice, motionless, but feels visible, their love is real more real than the white dresses and ceremonial dances and parties to show matrimony has conjoined two lovers in whatever silly fashion.

I'm not saying matrimony is bad in any culture, I just don't find it suitable for what I want and need emotionally.

This person I would want children with, but not marriage. I'd rather raise children on that they're own actions have weight and that understanding that our love was formed from love of gratitude and trust and a bond that is very hard to find. That my children wouldn't be lied to about the harshness of the world, but to be respectful to the development to understand that everyone will most not likely be so kind. Just keep an open head and don't let anyone change it. I sometimes imagine this person in my head with me in photographs I send to my parents and grandparents on our trips in different countries and parts of the world to experience the uniqueness of the world. Kinda ironically like my parents did, but on a much bigger scale and focus on things that my parents dismissed. My parents loved each other once, my dad probably does, but my mom doesn't, because she is blinded by her own pain sometimes I think she needs my dad and my dad doesn't need her. He feels alone and unheard, and I find myself in that situation myself when I've dated people. I don't want to be like him, not that I resent him or think anything negative of him. I find this so heart breaking on how distant and struggling it is to be around them.

The lack of intimacy is both awkward in both funny and humorous to just down right creepy and distorted with a bit hint of depressing and gloomy.

I love my parents a lot, I truly believe they should not be together, but they don't have a choice.

So I made it clear, I won't have joint bank accounts or get married, because of this. I strive to find love without the need of incentives and just build something from the individual that we both can grow on good and bad. Someone I probably couldn't stand a lot at first, but find them tolerable in a short run and then love them in the long term that their **** makes me happy and their bs is my bs. Kinda like my parents, except, I don't want it to rely on money, sex, or the need of things my parents used that are unhealthy to themselves and each other emotionally.

I love intimacy, I am the guy equivalent of girls watching the notebook. Except mine is stuff in the cosmos, feeling that this person has been in my life, but hasn't made a physical appearance, but their existence could actually be out there. Bringing more pressure on myself, but working a hard line between not coming off as creepy to my point to this person how they mean to me, and at the same time show my true nature of myself little by little.

I want to grow, before I can find this person. I want to feel the nurturing feeling I get when I think about them as if they are real. The fact our minds are both great analytical and solve huge problems, highly intelligent and dashing and daring to understand the world around us.

Someone who doesn't like conformity, and tolerates it like I do. Someone who shares introversion and extroversion and keeps their self in check. Someone who can tell me to go away when needed and tell me they need me now and that they won't hold back on their feelings with me, and trust I have not either.

I'm posting this, because this is what I've needed all my life. I feel I will achieve happiness by just having this person around just once for a period of time. I want this person to impact me in a very positive way and show that I'm not alone. As I am or used to be, even if I am firmly happy with what I have in my loneliness. I accept things as they are and don't question it, because I don't have provided answers at the moment, but that doesn't mean I can't still search for clues or better yet answers to some of the questions.

I've had this belief rooted, in both my life experience from all my life and a purpose that this person is supposed to come cross to me again soon. Someday I know the last time I took them for granted. Now I'm not letting them go like an old romance movie where the man what he has lost from his ignorance and lack of judgement, but it's on a much grander scale. I can't conceive to put in this post. I tell my therapist this explicitly why I have psychosis and suffer loneliness, because this person has been my friend. I've worked very hard to find this person, but I hope through growing I achieve this goal. The video on youtube perfectly describes what I'm looking for.

It's called long term desire, from the shots of awe channel on youtube. Definitely something you all need to watch.

[jelly-bean]

Well this video certainly caught your eye! I'm glad you found the description of your perfect partner and I hope that you find the actual partner.

[Yismymindblank12]

Yeah. It always feels like they are so close to me, when they are not here. I do hope so too.

[Crazy Hitch]

It's amazing how music / videos / documentaries make me think of things that were or are to be or are yet to come.