Relationshios and self growth after divorce

4 years ago i separated my ex wife due to her infidelities and desire to be with another man. I immediately began heing with help from counselors et al. I have 50/50 shared custody of 3 girls for whom i was a stay at home dad most of their young lives.

I am currently in a 1.5 year relationship with a good woman but I struggle with self esteem and codependency issues that plagued all my relationships.

I am realizing i cannot give SO the marriage and family she desires (she is divorced and 33 with no kids but wants them). Initially i tried to 'give her' the babies and marriage she wanted but have finally found my gut and realized i dont want those things and it is wrong to do those things just to make her happy.

I have had a tough time as a people pleaser and am on the path of addressing thkse behaviors and old beliefs. But I wonder if this relationship is salvageable or if a breakup a is necessary. Of course we will be discussing this.

Moreover, I think I need some time alone without the 'need' for a relationship. i think I was seeking esteem from a partner and know now that that esteem must come from myself.

It sounds like you are on the road to self-discovery and that's a very good thing. Whether your relationship can withstand the denial of marriage and children is up to the both of you but I am glad you are recognizing what you need and are working on getting it.