Codependent and Mooching In-Laws

My leech of a mother-in-law is only half as bad as my codependent, controlling father in law who ends up somehow getting my husband (and subsequently me) involved in his ex wife's b.s. drama. He is a glutton for punishment--loves to whine about how his ex wife (who divorced him 25+ years ago) uses him, but somehow he still indulges her and sends the message that he expects my husband (and me) to indulge her too...to be a good Christian.

Since my husband and I are church members, my husband's father in law asked us to reserve the hall for his ex wife--my mother in law--- since we can reserve it for free. Of course my husband did reserve it, under OUR names, even though my mother in law is an extremely lazy, broke, homeless, criminal moocher who got her ex husband (my father in law) to give her hundreds of dollars, which she only used SOME of for the party prep. She expects my husband to cart her and her stuff around on our (very small) dime all day, decorate the hall, cook, clean, spend money, use our house, electricity, etc. Of course her friends always end up thanking mother in law for the "wonderful party" that we had to buy prizes for, etc.

The worst part is my father in law, though. He is constantly answering his ex wife's every whim and ends up pawning her off on my husband who DOES try to set boundaries by limiting answering her phone calls, has started telling her no when she tries taking advantage of us (every time she talks to us), and has been stern with her.
My father in law's girlfriend is fed up with the way he is constantly doing everything for her, so she asks us to "pitch in." I refuse. She was getting free section 8 housing but decided to rent it out to others while she slept on the couch so she could get even more money, as if she wasn't already lucky to get free housing! She has never worked steadily her entire life and has always gotten by from mooching.

At one point, she had 2 houses that she inherited from her father, but she decided to live high on the hog and blew everything only to become homeless. During the time she was living in luxury, she cheated on my father in law, had him living in shelters, and neglected my husband and his sister, catering only to herself. Now that the tables have turned and she blew everything, she is constantly calling, asking for money, for rides, etc. She even stole my husband's diabetes medication when my father in law brought her over to our house (WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION) when we were out. My husband is disabled, on limited income, but still trying to work part-time. His mooch mother doesn't care that she steals the lifeline from her own son.

A couple weeks ago, my father in law decided to bring mother in law over unexpectedly. Of course I couldn't say anything because my husband has a right to see his mom, but the woman blew her nose all over the place, dropped all the tissues on the floor and said she refused to pick them up. She is horrid. My father in law said "I'll do it" in his usual martyr way, as if WE should "chip in once in a while.
Mother in law said she wanted to come over and dye her hair tomorrow. My father in law actually was going to tell her she could come over here (without my permission), but then he blamed it on me and said she couldn't because I would have to answer the door and I "like to sleep in." I said, "You could tell her I'll sleep til 5 PM for all I care." It really pissed me off though. How dare he expect me to indulge her rudeness.

Once she came over here, unannounced, without permission. My father in law brought her here when I wasn't here, so I had no choice. When I saw her and asked my husband what the heck was going on, he said she said she is staying and that's final. My father in law said sorry, but that's what she said. She eats all our food, asks why we don't have certain types of coffee, uses our heat and electricity all night, and stinks up our couch by laying on it all day, not showing. I finally lost it with my father in law and said "You brought her here. You get rid of her!" I also said I don't care if she said she's staying here and that's final. I will not pay her way, let her bully us, and then be made to feel guilty for not indulging her. Father in law's girlfriend keeps saying we could help out once in a while, but I will not indulge her. The only reason she is still in our lives is because my father in law still lets her manipulate him, then pushes her on my husband. My husband never talks to her unless his dad pushes him too. My husband is codependent with his dad.

I'm sick of the whole thing. Father in law lives with us and contributes to part of the rent and bills, but I try to pay my own way for everything that I can even though he buys food for us (that I don't want to eat), then tells everyone that he buys the groceries for our household. He also tells everyone that I make my husband eat bad. I do no such thing. My husband buys fast food after work and I try to tell him he ought not do that, but he does anyway. So now everyone in the family thinks I'm "making" my husband eat poorly because I'm not forcing him to stop. I actually have my own problems with food, but no one cares about me. Yet somehow, I'm supposed to be the moral shepherd, telling my husband not to eat fast food. Father in law buys me food to cook my husband. When I have tried, we ended up throwing the food away because my husband won't eat it, then gets pissed off at me. But he will be gracious to his dad because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

I think I'm going to sit out the party tomorrow. I'm not going to end up being stuck cleaning at the end of the night after everyone else for a party I don't even want to attend. I know father in law and others will see me as the selfish, lazy person I supposedly am, but I don't care anymore. They can think whatever. Let them be miserable cleaning and planning and whatever else they want to do.

That whole situation sounds pretty horrible. I don't like my in-laws, but luckily they live far away and my boyfriend doesn't like them much either. It's too bad your husband is so enmeshed.

You started out saying your father in law wants you to indulge this low life woman to be good Christians. Kind of a joke there. are there any bad Christians! I am really tired of guilt trips being laid in the name of religion! Please this woman has nothing coming from anyone! Especially you!
I do not understand the control she has over your father in law, but one word comes to mind and that would be whimp.
I don't care if he buys all your food or not. that is your home and his ex is a guest and an unwanted one at that. You totally have the right to say who is allowed in your home when you are not there. He needs to understand that and have some respect. Actually it does not sound like anyone has respect for you or your husband. That is ridiculous.
I would not do a thing for that party and I would not allow anyone to make you feel guilty. No one deserves to be disrespected in their own home. You and your hubby need to make a united front about that! And don't let them walk on you!
Sometimes it does not pay to be so nice, especially when you get walked on because of it!
Sounds like you have been way to nice for way to long. Good Luck