[Nat92]

A few weeks ago, I started seeing a guy and we slept together. I stayed over the weekend, went home Sunday and the following week, we spoke until Monday last week, where I went to see him again. I've more than once desired to define what we are, but the answer is unclear, due to his current situation. He's going through a phase of transition, trying to sort out his life etc and therefore he's not in any position to make any commitments or promises and I accepted that.

I've been more than understanding towards where he is and how he feels, but I somewhat feel that he doesn't understand me at all and just a few hours ago, I saw the worst side of him.

For now, we've as mentioned, been in this undefinable friendship, we do have feelings for each other and desire more, but it's just very unstable and I made the decision to back down, just be friends and tell him I couldn't stay in this area. I needed something stable, something that I could grasp at and hold onto, boundaries and well.. He didn't like that.

The conversation more or less went like so: He told me that I was being unfair, that I needed to explain myself and that he seemingly didn't understand why. He doesn't trust me or believe my words until I somehow prove them true.

At one point he called my behavior schizophrenic and this hurt me deeply, I hung up on him and he flew off the hinges. He blamed me for trying to control him and the relationship, he seemed quite threatening and told me I had no business setting boundaries without consulting him first and talking it over, that I more or less couldn't make decisions for myself.

It was completely uncalled for, as I feel I've explained myself etc.

There's a ton of red flags and I'm really hurt and upset by the things he said to me.

I however, don't know what to do at this point. I really would like to keep him in my life as my friend, but this whole thing is just unstable, a ticking bomb.

[gayleggg]

Listen to you intuitive self. There are too many red flags. Let go now, before things become more entangled. Of course, this is just my opinion.

[healingme4me]

Rough beginnings usually don't fare well, long term.

What's up with everyone being a psych specialist, these days, anyways? I recently heard that label used in reference to someone in my circle, unfair, untrue and certainly a step back in the reduction of mh stigmas, but enough of my soapbox...

If he can't agree to exclusivity, and that's what you need...then he's a lost cause

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[nicoleflynn]

Go online and look up verbal abuse; even better, read The Verbally Abusive Relatiionship by Patricia Evans;it saved my life.

[Nat92]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Rough beginnings usually don't fare well, long term.

What's up with everyone being a psych specialist, these days, anyways? I recently heard that label used in reference to someone in my circle, unfair, untrue and certainly a step back in the reduction of mh stigmas, but enough of my soapbox...

If he can't agree to exclusivity, and that's what you need...then he's a lost cause

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

I realize this and I knew it from the beginning he couldn't offer me that. I just didn't expect to be attacked because I made a decision by myself, for myself. I mean, he made it clear the choice was mine and I didn't think it'd lead to a huge discussion.

Like, from the very start he said I could always set boundaries and we'd always be friends no matter what happened. I didn't really think I'd have to discuss it with him, talk it over etc, because well.. it's my decision? I don't know if that makes sense, but I feel like I have to now take everything to him, run it through him and seek validation from him.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Go online and look up verbal abuse; even better, read The Verbally Abusive Relatiionship by Patricia Evans;it saved my life.

Thank you so much, I'll definitely read it. Was hoping someone would direct me to books related to this.

[Bill3]

There's a ton of red flags

I agree.

I feel like I have to now take everything to him, run it through him and seek validation from him.

You do not have to run things through him.

I didn't really think I'd have to discuss it with him, talk it over etc, because well.. it's my decision? I don't know if that makes sense

It makes sense. You don't have to discuss it with him.

I just didn't expect to be attacked because I made a decision by myself, for myself. I mean, he made it clear the choice was mine and I didn't think it'd lead to a huge discussion.

You should not have been attacked. The choice is yours. He is way off base.

[ChipperMonkey]

So my question for you is why do you have such low standards for your friends?

I don't get this about people. Someone can treat them like dirt but they still want the person as a friend. WHY?

My standards for friends are pretty much the same as in a relationship. Respect, honesty, no abuse, etc. A guy I dated last summer had a number of red flags but wanted to keep me as a friend. I told him to hit the road because I have standards for my friends, too. (Sadly, he lets his friends treat him like crap, steal his girls, etc....his best friend hit on me a number of times and he had no problem with it because he and the guy "had each others backs". I couldn't stop laughing at that one!)

[nicoleflynn]

We teach people how to treat us. "When someone shows/tells you who they are....believe them!"