[CosmicRose]

I received a Christmas gift in the mail today from my mom. We have a very strained relationship and we basically never really talk except for once in awhile. The gift was a small 6 inch gem world globe that costs maybe 25 dollars and its meant to be a decoration to place on an office desk (I dont have an office or a job that has a desk) its less than 6 inches, kind of cheap and flimsy feeling, its not "real" gems, you can google it if you want to understand what it is. Its just a cheap little office desk figurine of the world globe. No card was given.

The reason I think this is an insult instead of a genuine gift is because last year we had a huge argument over my dads giant world globe that she stole in a divorce years ago, its real gems, very expensive and its very tall, it holds a lot of sentimental value for me because me and my dad bought it together and he told me when he passes away (before she stole it of course) I could inherit it. When I asked her if I could inherit that she said no and she said she would purposely give it to someone else in the family and she would not tell me who. So I really dont get it. Is this an insult or is this genuine?

She knows Im struggling with money and trying to save up money for college so I dont know why she wouldnt just get me a cheap gift card instead of a cheap office figurine that I have zero use for. By the way she has a really good paying job so its not like shes struggling financially...


I should also point out that it is an identical version of my dad's, same color, etc...only about 50 times smaller and of course much much cheaper in every way.



My dad's -

[Creamsickle]

I could be way off on this but I would accept the gift with gratitude. It may be a symbolic gesture on your mothers part to say that she understands the significance of the globe in your life. Although she told you "no" you cannot inherit the globe, this was said during a divorce where bad feelings existed between your mom & dad. She may have had second thoughts about the globe since then but does not want to make any promises. Divorce is hard on everyone but I suggest you look at the gift as a sign from your mom that she understands your attachment to the globe and is giving you a smaller one to hold on to as a keepsake (perhaps to serve as a reminder of your mom's love for you). Your mother's need to have a bond with you supersedes your need for a gift card this year. Motives are hard to interpret but since this is your mom, I would give her the benefit of any doubt.

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by Creamsickle

Although she told you "no" you cannot inherit the globe, this was said during a divorce where bad feelings existed between your mom & dad. She may have had second thoughts about the globe since then but does not want to make any promises.

The divorce happened about 8 years ago. The conversation about the globe specifically, happened last year. Thank you for your input though...she definitely likes to play mind games, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Kind of dreading having to call her tomorrow though.

[lizardlady]

CosmicRose, I had similar thoughts to Creamsickle. I wonder if your mother gave it as a symbol of the larger one.

[CosmicRose]

But I don't see how that makes sense? I didn't want just any globe for myself, the reason I wanted my dad's specifically was because it was his and holds sentimental value...that would be like if your grandmother gave you a sweater she owned, and instead of your mom giving it back to you she gave you another sweater she bought at a store instead?

[Raindropvampire]

I will not even hazard a guess as to your mother's intention. No matter the intention my advice is the same:

1) It was meant as an insult or to get under your skin. Take away her power and lie through your teeth! Tell her how beautiful it is and how much you appreciate it. She gets no satisfaction from your reaction and maybe it will teach her a lesson in being gracious.

2) It really was meant as a peace offering/symbol of your dad's globe. Tell her how beautiful it is and how much you appreciate it.

No matter how you feel about it you will be the bigger person and can hold your head up high knowing that you were gracious and didn't sink to her level IF it is an insult.

[Basmith]

Hello there,

Since you had the argument last year then she should have enough sense to know that little globe would be a slap in the face to you....and should have chosen anything but that. I hate to think a mother would do something like this to her own daughter, but I cannot think of a good excuse for her. Unless she is so clueless she would think you like globes so you will like that little figurine? Maybe it is a hint that she decided to give you the family globe? Or she is plain spiteful. It sort of sounds like she's testing you in some way.

In any case she knows the globe is a sensitive subject for you... I feel it was a poor choice on her part and the best reaction to this is NO reaction.

Hang in there...

[hvert]

I think she gave it to you to make you mad or drive you crazy wondering why she did it. If she wanted to be nice, she would have given you your father's globe. I don't see any positive way of interpreting the globe she did send you. She knows you want the globe you picked out with your father and sends a cheap copy instead?

I would be tempted to ask her what her thoughts were as she selected that present for you.

[Creamsickle]

I hear you CosmicRose. I'm sure your mother knows very well how much the real globe means to you. But she is not trying to hurt you by taking the globe. It sounds to me like she is trying to hurt your father and is possibly very upset that you might have a better relationship with him than with her. She may have no way to compete with the special bond you have with him. IDK. Your mother may be wrong by keeping the globe but we don't know what transpired between her and your father. You may think you know based on what you heard but we really can't know how much she was hurt, how resentful she was/is. I stand by my original interpretation. Her taking the globe was not an act against you but against your father. As long as he is around, she wants to hold it against him. I think her giving you the smaller version is a sign that she is not holding the globe to hurt you.

[Koko2]

There's a few possibilities. 1) Your mother gave the small globe to you to spite you (as you say she's not above doing that), 2) She absolutely adores the globe herself, and gave the small globe to you hoping to placate you, 3) One of these other scenarios such as keeping the large globe to spite your father and giving the small globe as a token. I guess my money is on #1 since you say she likes to play mind games and expressed that she wouldn't leave it to you as an inheritance.

[Sinking Feeling]

Hard to say, could be either way.

[Parley]

I really mean no disrespect but if my daughter asked for something that I stole from her father in a divorce~ I'd be so hurt~ i'd be angry. Maybe it wasn't your exact words, to her, but implying it wouldn't be any better. I'm sure a divorce would be hurtful but calling me a thief because I obtained some community property would not sit well with me. I would be offended and, for a moment, I might be so upset that I would want to prove it's mine, now, and it wasn't his to give. I can give it to whoever I want.

I would like to believe your mother understands the importance of the globe to you and has been thinking about it and just wanted you to know that it's on her mind.

I hope she wasn't being ignorant because that would be cruel and I hope you two can find some common ground.

[Bill3]

Mom, thank you very much for the globe. I must say that I am a little puzzled about it, though. The present brings to mind the big globe that we have talked about. They are similar-looking globes and so I can't help that. I am just wondering what connection (if any) there might have been in your mind between the two globes.

[doyoutrustme]

Whether or not she intended to insult you doesn't really matter. You can react angrily and she probably would pretend it was meant to be nice. You could react graciously and confuse the heck out of her, since you did not get provoked as she hoped. But she would have to play nice.

[CosmicRose]

Thanks everyone. I decided to text her saying "Thanks for the gift I got it yesterday evening". I decided not to call her because I didn't think I could hold myself back from possibly saying something out of anger, she knows the right buttons to push and she has a way of being nice while being condescending so you end up biting your tongue and feeling even more angry when you get off the phone with her. I didn't want to risk it or put myself through that today after a hard week already.
I know I should have called her, but oh well. I realized the postal date from when she sent the present was Dec. 29th (that's why I received it yesterday so late), obviously days after Christmas...not a priority to her it seems. Not surprising.

[A Red Panda]

Just saying thanks is taking the high road. Good for you!

It sure does sound like she did it to hurt you. I'd be feeling really hurt too.

[JadeAmethyst]

Yes, good for you. Now if you choose to you can display it or store it away. Whatever may make sense for you at this time.

[Koko2]

I'd give it to Goodwill and tell her you've been trying to declutter your house if she asks about it.