[MissInvisible]

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man. He's an honest and trustworthy guy and he'd tell me if there was anything wrong. I wish I could leave my past behind but I'd love to know that I'm not the one in the wrong. I have had some trust issues but I'm getting better. I have been thinking about my past history of relationships. In the first relationship I had, there was something fishy going on. I saw that my ex had an “online girlfriend” but it was only pretend. I thought, you already have a girlfriend so why not spend more time with your real life girlfriend? This made me jealous and concerned. I want to know if I was stupid for feeling concerned. Near the end of my relationship, he accused me of there something going on with my friend. I’d never go out with him and he wasn’t my type anyway. He got me to call my friend to call me to say that there was nothing going on. Then he did. I think that was rather pathetic. I think he was cheating on me because that’s what cheaters do, accuse their girlfriend/boyfriend of cheating. I only ask because I want to know that I’m not stupid for being concerned. Then the next relationship, I was so paranoid. I kept looking at his page and I skipped a college class because I was so paranoid and in some mental breakdown. We split up and I went into another relationship. I don’t know why that ended. He said he wanted a break and blocked me on facebook. I’m so glad I’m with my boyfriend now. He’s serious and he tells my friends about me and him. My boyfriend has done nothing to make me not trust him but I think it’s the past that's affecting me. If anyone has any suggestions on how I could get the jealousy thoughts out of my head, then that will be greatly appreciated.

[kaliope]

it makes sense that you would be insecure based on your past relationships. it seems you have a bad picker. you just have to keep counteracting these negative thoughts as they come into your head with all the evidence you have to prove contrary. eventually they should go away. take care.

[JJBX]

Well, insecurity is a purely internal thing. There isn't anything that your boyfriend can do that can cure you of your fears. I was very insecure when I started dating my husband too. I realized that it's pretty friggin easy to tell if someone is messing around and no one can successfully pull it off unless they are an actual sociopath, and even then, you can tell that he's a sociopath by his lack of moral compass and proclivity for repeating mistakes. You even said that you pretty much figured out that your one boyfriend had something else going on. It wasn't rocket science.

I think you need to start trusting yourself more and reminding yourself of the good that you bring to a relationship and in general. If you trust yourself more, you can learn to start to trust him more. If you do have disagreements and conflicts, trust that you will be able to handle it and work it out with him. If things don't work out for whatever reason, trust that you would be ok being single and you won't spontaneously explode into powder. It's a gradual process, but worth it in the end!