I can never seem to make and keep friends. When I meet others, they seem fine getting to know me but people never seem to want to start friendships with me. I feel like there is something wrong with me because everyone else I know has no problems making friends but when I do the same and try the same tatics people use to make friends, I am not accepted, or in some cases, people will start pity friendships or friendships out of convince or boredom with me. I feel like people just genuinely don't like me as a friend, some like me as an acquaintance but others just do not like me at all. And I have done everything people have said to do such as join hobbies or clubs and get involved but it does not work. It is like people automatically connect with one another, don't understand how it is done. I have basically given up on friendships. I have a paralysis on the side of my face and I am hearing impaired. I have no doubt that is part of the reason. And unless people are just cruel, there is probably something I am doing that drives people off but they are too afraid to tell me. I think it has more to do with my looks because there has been times where someone would add me on facebook to get to know me before school begins and they seem to genuinely like me but as soon as they see me in person, I am nothing to them. I have a profile pic but it is kind of hard to see the paralysis in the pic so that is probably why at first they probably do like me but then when they see me in person, they realize there is something wrong and they disappear. Once I actually told a person beforehand that I have a paralysis and hearing impaired and they said they did not mind so I figured I did the right thing and they would not be shocked, but as soon as they saw me, she made small talk and then she never talked to me again. So I know that is a big reason but it still frustrates me. Also don't get why people feel the need to pity me or only befriend me out of boredom or convince. I just don't know anymore and basically give up. . I barely ask for people's numbers now since in the past when I asked, they gave me their number only to find out it was out of politeness, they really did not want to so I wait for people to come to me since that means there is a higher chance of them not minding. Wish I knew what was wrong besides my appearance.

[sideblinded]

Hi ryanLRC2015

I feel your frustration here. I am sorry that you have had to endure this. It sounds like you are a younger adult since you speak of these people starting school. I think young people are still somewhat immature when it comes to appearances. Not all of them but they tend to look at ideals. I have found as I get older that so many things about a person does not matter. I take into account whether the person is respectful and is true to their word. Values mean more to me than anything. It shouldn't matter what you look like. Some people are just not mature enough yet to understand these things. I am sorry that you have been put by the wayside so to speak. It hurts and I feel for you. I was wondering if maybe your hearing loss is a barrier in any way. Sometimes people don't know how to communicate effectively if they have to raise their voice or they don't understand what is being said to them. What do you think?

[JJBX]

Well, here's something kind of weird I was reading the other day - there are a lot of people who don't have as many friends as they let on. In fact, almost no one has as many friends as they say they do. I think it's more a matter of expectations. You're probably like I am, that is, you're looking for a connection and appreciation with other people and not a transient "see you twice a year" type of friendship. When you try to get to know someone, for them it's a lot of effort and they back away. It's not really that you're weird or defective, but rather they kind of don't feel like putting in the effort. That probably won't be much comfort, but you are most certainly not alone in being dissatisfied with your social situation. I would say just try to focus on what you're doing to pursue the things you like and try to be natural. If you're at least pursuing your hobbies, it's not a total waste, right?

[littlebitlost]

I've got this, with relationships, not just friendship....

Originally Posted by JJBX

Well, here's something kind of weird I was reading the other day - there are a lot of people who don't have as many friends as they let on. In fact, almost no one has as many friends as they say they do. I think it's more a matter of expectations. You're probably like I am, that is, you're looking for a connection and appreciation with other people and not a transient "see you twice a year" type of friendship. When you try to get to know someone, for them it's a lot of effort and they back away. It's not really that you're weird or defective, but rather they kind of don't feel like putting in the effort. That probably won't be much comfort, but you are most certainly not alone in being dissatisfied with your social situation. I would say just try to focus on what you're doing to pursue the things you like and try to be natural. If you're at least pursuing your hobbies, it's not a total waste, right?

Oh I actually totally agree with you. People say they have like 10 best friends. I know that is not true, in reality people have about 2 or 3 or at most maybe 4 close friends. What you said makes a lot of sense.

[JJBX]

Originally Posted by ryanLRC2015

Oh I actually totally agree with you. People say they have like 10 best friends. I know that is not true, in reality people have about 2 or 3 or at most maybe 4 close friends. What you said makes a lot of sense.

Yea, no one wants to sound like a loser, so they hide that they feel lonely to avoid looking desperate while basically leaving their needs unfulfilled. I don't know how ths became the new normal, but that's where we are.

I'll tell you how many friends I consider close friends - 1 - my husband. I have friends who i've known for years, but I don't consider them close friends because they don't know very much about me and I don't know that much about them. It's bizarre to me that people would consider years-long friendships to be close (sincerely) when I know they are in similar positions.