[aprilmayyrocks]

I have had this problem for as long as I can remember. I pretty much have no friends and it is all my fault. I meet people and become friends with them when I am feeling balanced and then BOOM! I hit a depressive episode and avoid contact with them. Several friends I have met that I drop in and out of their lives.
Does anyone else have this problem?

What can I do?

[sideblinded]

Hi aprilmayyrocks

I have depression as well and I have really worked at trying to keep close friends. When I get depressed, I have to let them know. I really work at being a good friend when I have the energy. I have a few friends who know that I deal with this and they understand. The key is to find friends who know that you have problems with depression and who will stick by you. Can you keep in contact by letting them know that you are depressed? Hopefully they will be understanding.

[hvert]

I have some friends who have that problem. I am thinking of two in particular where it's like both of them just completely drop off the face of the earth for months at a time.

So, speaking as someone who is friends with people who do this, here are a few things that I think make it easier on the friend:

1. Avoid making promises or plans that you probably won't keep. If you know you are probably not going to want to leave the house, it's so much better to just say that up front and not cancel at the last minute.

2. Be careful about overwhelming your friends when you feel good. Sometimes I feel like one of my friends is trying to make up for lost time when she is well. I don't hear from her for months, and then she calls me every day.

3. Don't take it personally if people can't make time for you immediately.

4. Let people know why you aren't calling/hanging out. I'd much rather know that someone is not getting back to me because they just don't feel like dealing with people than worrying that I did something that made them mad.

I do think it's possible to keep relationships up. A big part may be just to get over the fear/worries that you have driven people away by being depressed. Sure, some people may not want to resume a friendship, but a lot will be happy to hear from you and to know that you are feeling better.

[JJBX]

That problem is so, so much more common than you would think. A LOT of people who don't struggle with depression have no close friendships at all. It's about feeling too awkward to initiate a relationship and not putting in enough effort to maintain it over long periods of time. Your depression is an obstacle for sure, but it is not making you weird at all. A LOT of people are actually muc lonlier than they are willing to let on. No one wants to admit that they have no friends, so you find it extremely common for people to exaggerate the number of friends they actually have. Just do your best to at least text them and try to push yourself out of your comfort zone more than you normally would. It's not easy, but pushing yourself will shorten the duration of your depressive episodes. I've been trying to do it more over the past year and it is extremely difficult at times.

[peaceseeker63]

I agree with both sideblinded and jjbx. My mood is ever changing and sometimes, even when I am not depressed, I don't want to see my friends. They can get on my nerves at times, for no apparent reason. At other times, I love them dearly! And it has nothing to do with them or their behavior, it's just how I am feeling. It is ok to tell your friends that you're not up to seeing them. Sometimes I just say that I am struggling with my mood and not up to visiting, and that's all I have to say.

I have problems developing and maintaining friendships too. I either feel entirely disconnected from the person and like I don't wanna talk about anything with them or I feel too attached and intense.