[reagan]

background; wife and I have a very colicy 8 week old baby at home. Not sleeping through the night yet and when he colics, he is very painful and the only way to consol him is to hold him. Some times he will sleep well between feedings, sometimes he will colic. He probably colics a little less than 50% of the time.

So that there can be any sleep for either one of us, we take shifts with him at night. Wife is breast feeding and pumping. I will stay up after last breast feeding and give a bottle of breast milk so wife can sleep, then wife gets up and I go to sleep. I am working, wife is currently not working although she plans to go back to work in a couple of months.

When I stay up with him, wife will usually go to bed around 10:00 and I will stay up till about 2:30 - 3:30 then we switch. I get up at 7:00 to get ready for work.

Wife has said several times that I need to get up earlier to help out with things in the morning. I have told her that I don't think I can both stay up late and get up any earlier. Wife is getting mad about it.

I have sugggested that she try to go to sleep earlier but she doesn't want to do that. I have encouraged her to try to nap when she can during the day when he does sleep but she says she doesn't sleep well during the day and doesn't want to do that. Here's where the problem is. We don't have a plan. anytime I suggest a plan, like her going to bed earlier, or napping during the day, she just says no..it's not want she wants to do or doesn't work for her for some reason.

Again, I am working full time and wife is off.

Am I being unreasonable? Is my wife being unreasonable to ask that I both stay up late and get up early and then get mad if I say that I can't?

Thanks in advance for thoughtful replies.

[hannabee]

You could be my daughter, her husband and I 2 years ago. The three of us took turns holding a Very colicky baby. Have you been to the Pediatrician? There is medicine that could help. Be forewarned tho, this may last 6 months, it did for us. You are probably not being unreasonable, but pumping and getting little sleep is very difficult and her hormones are probably going crazy as well. Just tell yourself to hang in there....it is soooo worth it! Soon this will be over and you will have a great relationship with your child as you will have bonded so well. Good luck and just come vent here when things get rough. Your wife loves you and needs you at this time in the marriage, and again, it won't last forever!

[guilloche]

Oh wow... that sounds really rough. I don't have kids, but I've had some issues the last few nights that screwed up my sleeping, and even with 5 hours of sleep, it's just not enough for me personally. Multiply that by a couple nights, and I can't function at all - I end up with bad headaches and exhaustion. So, I'm not sure how you guys are doing it.

I think your desire to have a better plan makes sense, and it doesn't seem unreasonable to me that you can't get up earlier and stay up later. You're already stretched thin. I'm sure your wife is too...

Do you have any extended family that could help out? Even if just for a few hours during the day for your wife to sleep? I know she doesn't think she sleeps well during the day, but she probably needs the sleep, whenever she can get it.

I'm so sorry... I hope that things get better soon!

[Trippin2.0]

You don't sound unreasonable to me... Mrs wife on the other hand... Hmmm


I helped my sister out when one of my nieces had colic. I basically moved in with her for a few months because her eldest was still at school and her hubby at work. So I know how rough colic can get. I feel for you


Then a year later I had my own baby, thankfully no colic, but it was rough getting up every few hours to feed her and then getting ready for work at 5:30....


I don't miss those days at all.


My point is this, I think your wife needs to take your job into consideration. She has the option to sleep during the day, she just doesn't. Even if she can't fall asleep, it wouldn't hurt to lie down when baby does.


On a side note, her adamantly refusing without even attenpting to rest worries me... Either she thinks she's superhuman and doesn't need sleep or she may slowly be taking on the role of family martyr.


Neither options are particularly good, so I sincerely hope I'm wrong.


Hopefully she'll get desperate enough for rest and start napping at some point.


You on the other hand simply don't have the option to sleep while at work.


I get that its rough on her, and she wants to feel supported and know that you're working as a team, but a little less selfish wouldn't hurt her.

[Love&Toil]

Have you considered looking into getting a doula to help out at night? Not sure if you have the means. Or is there another family member who could help? Even for 1 or 2 nights so you can get some extra rest?

Neither of you are being unreasonable, this is just a shytty stage of life. Our firstborn had colic and it was miserable. It *will* pass eventually.