[toolman65]

I have a co-worker. She is a super sweet person, smart, kind and always tries to look her best. Recently, she started smiling less and less. I asked another co-worker what was going on. Turns out, a while ago , she started seeing some guy. Last week, she got really angry after he sent her a text at work. In it he referred to her as "my girlfriend" . I asked how long they had been dating.... 3 months. Her response to him was something like "yes, i'm your girlfriend, just don't tell everybody".

I thought after 3 months of dating exclusively, you were a couple by default. I was left kind of confused about the whole thing and her reaction.

How soon before you can be considered a couple? Ladies, was her response appropriate?

[kaliope]

i think three months of exclusive dating would make you a couple..

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe she was ashamed of him, according to my knowledge you're officially a couple as soon as you agree to be exclusive.


Or maybe it's not shame, maybe she's not into labels, if that's the case I don't blame her, labels can at times complicate things.

[eskielover]

I went out with a guy from college but just as friends. I knew that I would NEVER marry him & I knew that I would NEVER be exclusive with him either.

Maybe she never agreed to be exclusive with him....maybe that's just everyone else's assumption. There were times when I wasn't dating anyone else but we would just go out together to do something & we enjoyed riding horses together (I had several guys I rode horses with). If he had commented that I was his GF.....I would have been very angry also because I knew & made it known to him that we were just friends.

No one really knows what is going on with them at the truly personal relationship level....sometimes what it looks from the outside has nothing to do with the reality of the relationship.

If she hasn't been truly honest with him about her feelings & he's assuming that she is his GF.....then she needs to have a talk with him & set him straight rather than leading him on to think that way.....or maybe she needs a baseball bat to get it through his head that she isn't interested in him as a GF.........as I said....we don't know what is going on at the very personal level of their relationship.

Maybe she's afraid of commitment

[~Christina]

The fact that she recently stopped smiling as much .... well that would be a concern about if shes in a healthy relationship or not?

Even if she wants to keep things quiet , Hey, thats okay ! But her recent change and lack of smiling would concern me more than anything.

[toolman65]

The reduction in her overall mood (less smiling, etc.) was what had me concerned. She is a private person and seldom volunteers personal information. I respect her right to privacy, but in this instance i felt compelled to ask a mutual friend what was going on.

She seems better these days, which is a good thing.

just found her reaction to being called 'girlfriend' strange. it has been my experience that women push for commitment from men. not vice versa

[eskielover]

just found her reaction to being called 'girlfriend' strange. it has been my experience that women push for commitment from men. not vice versa

We don't push for commitment from someone we only want to be friends with & have no emotional interest in. When we just want someone to go & do things with but know that personalities aren't what would make for a committed relationship, we definitely don't push for commitment & try as graciously as possible to let them know how we feel. Some guys just don't get what they are being told. I dated a few who were like that.....& I dated plenty that were the ones not interested in a committed relationship either & we didn't consider each other BF or GF....JUST FRIENDS.

[hvert]

Yeah, think Eskie nailed it. It's possible that this guy is just moving too fast for her. I don't think you can really tell why she had that reaction, but it does suggest that she isn't that into being his GF. Maybe he's married or something?

[ChipperMonkey]

I guess I'm a bit shocked that so many people ASSUME commitment after so long when its never even talked about.... To me, there is no commitment unless there is an actual conversation about being in a relationship. If a guy wants me, he better damn well tell me or else there is no reason for me to cut off everyone else based on a stupid assumption!

NO WONDER so many relationships fail! People can't even discuss the basics!