Friends, what are, friends?

I'm a very nervous and shy person when it comes to making friends and meeting new people. It is a major challenge for me it's like skydiving, scary and something I always hesitate to do. Some people don't understand how hard it is for me to make friends. They tell you to be 'confident' don't be shy, you can do it. Yet in reality its not that easy if it were that easy i'd have millions of friends by now. Whenever I come across meeting a new person they have to make a move first and talk to me. Then when I do go to talk to them I become red in the face, I feel like i'm burning up inside I become a tomato. I feel like an embarrassment? and I know that they can see this on my face. My lips become dry and I sit there thinking of what to say next. Then when I do think of something the words don't seem to come out. I get choked up. I want to speak but the words are stuck inside me screaming to get out but they have no where to go. For some people making friends is like baking a cake, simple and easy.

What are your thoughts?

I wish I could meet you. I am one of those people that hate silence and will talk your ear off instead of letting things be silent. I like to think I would be someone you could get to be comfortable around. Even though, sometimes I when people are too quiet I think they don't like me because I talk too much. It's a double edged sword. If only we could express our needs as easily in person as we can online.

Keep trying until you run into someone like me, who will talk your ear off.

If you are comfortable around a person and they are comfortable around you, silence is ok. Sometimes people talk all the time because they are uncomfortable with themselves and others. It is ok to be quiet.

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I'm one of those really socially awkward introverted people too. I don't have any friends right now but I do go to Starbucks often to draw and there are a couple people there who are interested in art that I have been talking to that might develop into a friendship.

It is easy for me to talk to people when I have something specific to talk about. When people make small talk to me I too become all flustered and get tomato face, but talk to me about dogs or art and I actually become coherent and articulate.

So do you have any hobbies or interests that you could try to find like minded people to talk to? Maybe you could develop one if you don't have one already and take a class? Even if a class isn't an option having an interest still gives you that something to talk about when someone asks you about yourself.

I'm going to give you the total opposite advice of those people that tell you to be confident. Be yourself. Trying to be something your not only sets you up to feel bad about being shy. Just accept it. It's who you are. That's absolutely fine. Being comfortable in your own skin and accepting who you are will make it easier for you to find people who you are more comfortable with. Introverts are always trying to be converted. I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert you just have to learn to navigate the world as one.

When you're talking to someone don't get caught up in all the crazy stuff your body is doing or start looking for the nearest escape. I know that "please let me think of something; anything to say" feeling. If you don't have anything to say, that's ok. Like a previous poster said, silence really is ok.

I think once you start allowing yourself to communicate the way you feel comfortable communicating it will get easier for you. Just be you.

Talking is just one way of being with others and it might not be where your strengths lie. That's okay, quite a lot of people find that.

Some people prefer to bond by doing things together. Kicking a ball around or hiking (quietly! listening to the nature sounds).

You might find it easier to relax when the focus isn't on you. Sometimes conversation can feel a bit like being in the spotlight. A bit too demanding / intense.

What sorts of things do you like to do? I bet there are all kinds of social clubs for things like watching films or tasting wine or kicking a football around or going on hikes...