is it possible to attract someone who is mentally healthy? Or do we attract ones who are like us, who in a sense, suffer the same issue as we do? I'm having a pretty tough time looking for a partner.

[kaliope]

that is a really good question. i am of the mindset that nobody would want me because i am too defective but then i have a friend who has a really great guy who puts up with a lot of illness so it does happen.

[Steiner of Thule]

Possibly, until they get fed up with you.

[insertname]

It's not really to do with mental ill health, it's to do with how effectively you communicate with others. If you have good interpersonal skills there's no need to fear a stable partner will not 'put up with you'. And if you don't have good interpersonal skills they can be learned.

But I think you're right that those with less than perfect backgrounds naturally attract the more 'f-ed up' types, and are attracted to the more 'f-ed up' types. I think that's just a natural 'being used to what you know' thing. Just as people tend to be attracted to those who remind them of their parents or remind them of home, people from less healthy backgrounds will also seek the familiar. If you're aware of it you can avoid it, though.

[IrisBloom]

It's possible to have a good relationship with a "normal" person. But they must understand your condition and be willing to put up with your treatment and backslides. If someone truly loves you these will not be big issues. Taking time to get to really know someone is very important in any relationship, so don't rush things.

My significant other is a high functioning and successful normal person. I would much prefer someone who has similiar mental/emotional issues like I do. Normal is so boring. My SO does not relate to me emotionally at all. It's very lonely.

[MattBemis]

Hey, that's not true. You'll find somebody, love is love and silly stuff like this doesn't get in the way of it.

A friend once told me, it would have to be someone who can tolerate you. I actually felt a bit hurt by that but come to think of it I am rather difficult at times even though I think I'm really very simple and uncomplicated but to others I seem complex. I don't understand that really ...

[hvert]

Tolerate doesn't seem like the best word choice, but I can see what your friend meant.

I am not sure that I've ever really been in a relationship with someone 'normal.' I don't think that would work for me. I don't think you have to find someone who has the same struggle as you, but it does help, imo, to find someone who also struggles.

[insertname]

I'm the opposite way round, i find it a lot easier to be with someone who is high-functioning/stable. This is partly that I don't like conflict and I do like transparency (people who are secure in themselves are more likely to communicate well), and also I like being around people who have a positive outlook and experience a lot more positive emotions than I do. I can learn from them and also just being around happy people makes me happier. My closest friends are all stable and secure, although I have friends who aren't, and I find being around people with MH issues makes me worse.

[CosmicRose]

I attract men who have zero mental health issues, which just makes me feel worse about mine. I'm not sure if I would want a boyfriend who has mental health issues like me, but at the same time, having a completely mentally healthy partner while you're struggling has it's own challenges.

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by EmpressEugenie1982

My significant other is a high functioning and successful normal person. I would much prefer someone who has similiar mental/emotional issues like I do. Normal is so boring. My SO does not relate to me emotionally at all. It's very lonely.

My SO is also very stable and positive. My experience is different, seeing her navigate situations that get me stressed and flustered is a good motivation to be more like her, patient and non-judgmental. I have other people in my life with emotional issues that I can relate to at that level if I need to.

Originally Posted by mountain human

My SO is also very stable and positive. My experience is different, seeing her navigate situations that get me stressed and flustered is a good motivation to be more like her, patient and non-judgmental. I have other people in my life with emotional issues that I can relate to at that level if I need to.

That's good. My problem is that he is the only person in my life now. I'm sure if I had others I could relate to, it would be more tolerable.

[Overcoming OCD]

This is a very interesting question. I definitely think it's possible. However, I can understand why there might be a tendency for individuals with mental disorders to bond more frequently with others who have mental disorders. Similar-ish experiences of any sort, I think, can make people relate to one another more.

Also, I don't necessarily think someone who has been diagnosed with a mental disorder is always mentally unhealthy. They may have been and aren't any more, or they could go back and forth. In either case, dating someone with a mental disorder could potentially be just as rewarding as dating someone who doesn't, but that's just my personal view.

Best of luck to you.

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by EmpressEugenie1982

That's good. My problem is that he is the only person in my life now. I'm sure if I had others I could relate to, it would be more tolerable.

That IS a problem, having all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. I'm kind of in the same boat, so hard to make friends and trust people, so when I find one, I cling maybe too tightly. I wish I had the ability to make friends easily, I only have a couple, and some casual acquaintances. Have you considered a support group?

[MixolydianGray]

I can't say I have a lot of experience either way. I will say that the man I'm with now has somewhat similar issues to mine, and we understand each other in a way to where we can build each other up. We both have our bad times. Sometimes it's me; sometimes it's him. We just try our best to be there for the other person because we love each other that much. That experience leads me to think that having someone "like me" has actually been much more of a good thing than a bad thing. Then again, maybe I'm just really lucky that I have someone as sensitive and caring as my boyfriend.