[gamer91]

My fiance deals with her own share of mental issues. History of abusive family and abusive relationships have left her in poor mental shape. Since meeting me she has become dependent on me. Her entire happiness is centered on me. She's convinced she has noone else despite the fact that my family loves her and most of her family is loving. So when I'm not around she's angry at me. If I have to work long hours we fight. If I go see friends we fight. And it's not that I'm leaving her, though it's also not like I'm going out and partying and leaving her by herself. I have meals or game nights with friends and family. And I invite her along. But her anxiety makes her a nervous wreck with people and she's convinced that no one cares for her so she won't join in. When we're together we do nothing. Everything becomes a trigger for her. I love her and I want to help and support her but I feel guilty if I go out and do anything. Am I the bad one in this? I don't know what to do or say.

[kaliope]

no, you are not the bad one in this at all. she has mental health issues and until she gets apprpriate treatment it will always be this way. there is a book called walking on eggshells that you may find useful to read. you cannot feel guilty nor take responsibility for her feelings. you need to enjoy your life or you will begin resenting her. it takes two to argue. dont participate.

[MixolydianGray]

You are most certainly not the bad one in this. Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel guilty for spending time with other people. You have different connections that mean something to you, and they all deserve attention.You're just doing the right thing by spreading the love and being with people you care about.

As far as what to do with your fiance, I agree with kaliope. Even though you might think they are, her insecurities aren't your responsibility. There are some clear issues here that need to be resolved, and until they are, the dynamics of your relationship aren't going to change. Maybe you two could go to couple's therapy and sort these problems out together. If she knows that you're there to support her with her difficulties, she'll find it easier to "let go," so to speak, and allow you to do things without her. Who knows? Maybe she'll eventually want to go with you.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

[kim_johnson]

I don't think it is particularly healthy to be in a relationship where the other person is angry when you feel happy. That doesn't seem... Supportive, at all.

It sounds like she needs help... So she isn't quite so dependent on you. So she can develop her confidence in other peoples company and / or feel happier with her own so she doesn't mind you going off to do your thing a bit more.

If she won't / can't... Maybe you guys won't really work out. For the longer term.