I do not know what has changed in me, but something has.

I have never been open with anyone about my thoughts and feelings. Those are things I have always kept to myself. Maybe that was the result of growing up in a chaotic, alcoholic home, maybe that was just me. It doesn't really matter.

Yesterday, I found myself to be a bit hyper and talkative. I shared with my husband some of what I discussed in therapy. Stuff I thought to be "safe". I have noticed that lately I have been doing more and more of this. Not only have I been talking about my feelings with him more, I have been sharing some things I have written.

I have always had guilt feelings in this relationship. Guilt because I kept everything to myself. Guilt because by keeping things to myself, when It got to be too much and I "lost my mind", it came as a surprise to my hubby. Awhile back I freaked my husband out, I almost died, he saved my life. Since then he calls me twice a day from his work. I see this as his way of "checking up" on me. A husband should not have to call home twice a day to make sure his wife is okay. Maybe this is why I have been more open with him lately. I have noticed new guilty feelings. I feel guilty that my hubby feels the need to make sure I am okay so often. By being more honest about my thoughts and feelings, he has a better understanding of "where I am at".

This cannot hurt our relationship it can only help.

[CosmicRose]

That's a big step, good for you! I have the same problem, almost every relationship I've had with a man, I've kept most of my thoughts and feelings to myself. Interestingly, I also grew up in an alcoholic and chaotic home. Maybe there's a correlation there?

I know how hard it is to break down that wall. And I've also had the experience of the wall just crumbling one day and then suddenly being much closer to a significant other where I felt like I was finally able to breathe and relax and open up.

Don't feel guilty that he is calling you so often to check up on you, it just means he really loves you. Maybe you can comfort him and tell him you really appreciate him checking up on you but you're okay and he doesn't have to do that anymore.

Thank you CosmicRose I appreciate your input. I also must add that I absolutely love your signature. It reminded me of something I read recently (I saw it exactly when I needed to see it) "If all you can do is crawl, then crawl." I've found myself thinking about my relationships a lot lately. Ive been here at PsychCentral since August. Today I made the decision to check out this section of the site. I also have a mom and sister who's relationships could use improvement so maybe I'll hang out here some more.