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#1
Feb 14, 2015, 11:07 AM
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My son's stepdad constantly makes remarks about how my son (he is 21,works and pays us rent) is not respectful of his/our stuff, everything that goes missing or broken is my sons fault. He goes into my sons run and snoops around. It's becoming to much for me. Anyone in the same situation that can offer advice. I think this is
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 sideblinded
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#2
Feb 14, 2015, 01:44 PM
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Seriously12, Hello and welcome to PC. I am sorry that you are having this situation with your son and his stepdad. I personally have not had this situation but others will be able to relate. I hope this doesn't become a choose situation for you. There is always counseling either for just you or for you and your spouse together.
We are here for you should you need any help in navigating this site. Contact any community liaison or moderator. It takes a little while for your first 5 posts to appear as they are first in moderation. I wish you the best here at PC and I hope that you can get some answers very soon. |
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#3
Feb 14, 2015, 02:11 PM
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My ex bf's adult daughter lived with us and ruined broke or stole so many of our and my own things that it was awful. She treated possessions of other people poorly as well: her sister's her mother's etc
It is hard to deal with. Does your son ruin or take your husband's stuff? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#4
Feb 14, 2015, 06:31 PM
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Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you are feeling hurt and anxious by how your son and current husband are at odds. Have you considered a couples counselor if you think your relationship might be needing repair? A therapist and could help you as well.
Is there some uncertainty if your son is innocent of your husband's charges (even if guilty the husband should not trespass in your son's room)? Have you talked with both parties separately to see who is being more reasonable? You may find the forums of interest http://forums.psychcentral.com After 5 posts you can do the Chat Room Forums at Psych Central - Calendar Feel free to private message me or any community liason by left clicking on their name underlined in blue to the left of the post and selecting Send a private message to .....
__________________
Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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#5
Feb 15, 2015, 07:20 AM
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Are there other issues going on between the two of you? Have things been like this, since you remarried? Or is this something new?
I grew up with two stepparents. Have I been snooped on? As a teen, a couple of times. What types of things are breaking, in your home? Sticking up for your son, is fine. Resolving the conflict between your husband and him, is important. Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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#6
Feb 15, 2015, 01:54 PM
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Your husband needs to learn boundaries. In my experience, if you're forced to choose between your spouse or your child, you should always choose your child.
__________________
 You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
 kindachaotic, marmaduke
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#7
Feb 15, 2015, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
We don't know what her son really does, she isn't replying. He is 21 and if he really breaks and ruins things it Is a problem. I lived with 25 year old who stole from everyone she could steal from and broke everything she could. Different from a 5 year old Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| ChipperMonkey
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#8
Feb 15, 2015, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
The first thing I noticed is she didn't finish her post... She's stating she's overwhelmed by her husband's behavior toward her son which makes me think she feels her son is being treated unfairly and she seems to believe her son is innocent. I don't doubt that adult children living at home can wreak havoc as I've witnessed my brother's struggles with his own son. I don't get the impression that's the case here. I was referring to children of all ages, adults included, not just 5 year olds. I'm sorry about the miscommunication.
__________________
You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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#9
Feb 15, 2015, 02:47 PM
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I wish op came back and clarified. I think there is a big difference between 5 and 21. 21 year old might need to start living in his own. Mother doesn't need to disown him but it is too simplistic to demand one chooses a child of any age regardless what's happening.
Perhaps i am biased here. My ex was convinced it is ok for his 25 year old steals and ruins things because she is just s little girl. Lol at 25 lol her older sister snd me weren't as convinced. Some people prefer their kids never grow up. I don't know what's the case here as there is no clarifications but I refuse simplistic approach that kids are always right and one needs to choose adult kids no matter what. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#10
Feb 15, 2015, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
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| Werewoman
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#11
Feb 15, 2015, 02:55 PM
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I would too. But if my doughtier was still living at home and breaking things it would really bother me. Also I think most adults want to be on their own ASAP Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#12
Feb 16, 2015, 09:57 AM
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I wouldn't tolerate a destructive adult child, or any age for that matter.
In the case where the destruction is being perpetrated by an adult, you need to get law enforcement involved. My nephew wouldn't stop stealing from his parents, so they finally pressed charges against him and he's currently in jail. My brother refuses to drop the charges and I applaud his decision. To the best of my knowledge, my nephew was never abused and has never claimed he was. I understand that there are young adults out there who act out for any number of reasons, one of which is ongoing abuse - even abuse that began in childhood can and often is carried into adulthood. That does not mean that all adults who act out have been abused. If anyone tells me they have been abused, I believe them unless they are obviously making it up and those of us who are survivors of abuse can instinctively spot a fellow survivor.
__________________
You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
| ChipperMonkey
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#13
Feb 16, 2015, 10:15 AM
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Quote:
That's what I was saying. Unless op clarifies, if someone breaks and ruins things (especially as an adult) it is silly to demand mom embraces it because he is her child. And stepdad should be ok with that too? I am not sure why she is not clarifying. And if he isnt the one breaking things then who is? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#14
Feb 16, 2015, 04:53 PM
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It doesn't sound like a good dynamic to me. The majority of cases of infanticide etc are committed by step-parents... Evolutionary psychologists have a field day...
It is common for father / sons to 'lock horns' when the sons are in their adolescence. It is a part of a boy growing up... Someone elses son... Is a different dynamic indeed. Different dynamic entirely. I'd be surprised if this came as a sudden shock, from out of the blue. I'd be surprised if the stepdad was supportive and nurturing before then suddenly turned on him... The way you posted the thread title it seems clear that you feel you have to choose between them. What kind of a mother chooses a possessive guy over her own son? ? It isn't like your son is a delinquent and the step-father is trying to lay appropriate boundaries out of love for your son. Is it? Does he really treat you any better? |
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