[kray_bray_may]

Hey folks just feeling like sharing a little bit about myself today.
I've feel that I am shallow when I am attracted to people's looks. I think I am attracted to a pretty face and not the person for who they are, their humanity, personality. My previous (and first) relationship showed me that I am not open-minded or tolerant like I used to think I was.

[sideblinded]

It is a great thing to be aware of these things. It is a good first step to getting things right in our life. I really hope that you are able to sort all of this out. A therapist could help you with this if you have the means. I wish you the very best.

[kray_bray_may]

I don't like my therapist. I feel uncomfortable with him. haven't went for three months not going to go back

[Frankbtl]

Hi kray bray may, well I'd say that it's good you managed to learn from your first relationship and you've shown a lot of insight in identifying (and by the sounds of it wanting to change??) that trait in yourself.
Now if you're initially attracted to certain looks then that's fine, but you're right there are (so many!!) more important things about a person.
So do you think that you could have a think about/list the other things such as personality types, humanity.........which you can acknowledge as good traits??
I'm thinking if you could start really seeing how important, valuable, even attractive (!!) those traits are in someone the more you might be able to see them in other people regardless of looks/appearance........the more you might be able to really appreciate those traits, those people.
And maybe in time that might lead you to seeing that it's those traits, who someone is, that makes them attractive and makes them look attractive.
Of course some people are going to have preferences e.g. long hair, short hair........but that doesn't need to make someone who doesn't meet those preference less attractive while they have some of those traits. Everyone can be beautiful!!
Alison

[kray_bray_may]

I just feel like I have no motivation to get to know anyone because I don't want to get hurt. As I mentioned, my previous relationship showed me how hateful, judgmental and unpleasant I could be and I am not willing to put myself through that again. I don't want to get to know people because I don't want to find out things about them I might dislike.

[Steiner of Thule]

I tend to think most are shallow. Some are just better at lying about it.

[kray_bray_may]

Well I'm going to remain relationship free for a while.

[ChipperMonkey]

Awareness is good.

BUT, I agree that most people are shallow. Ya, take it from someone who went from being really ugly to not so bad looking ;-).....I can see the MAJOR difference in how I am treated by society, and it is sad. People say its all in my head, that people aren't shallow, blah, blah, blah, but rare is the case of someone who's looks change so drastically, so quickly, in a positive direction. That is, they haven't lived it so they don't believe it to be true.

The thing is, if you base relationships on looks alone and instant attraction, you are missing out knowing a lot of good people. Sometimes someone isn't a total hottie, but as we get to know them we become increasingly more attracted to them.

[kray_bray_may]

Let's not generalize. I don't base friendships on looks in the least. However I feel conflicted that I find people attractive but lack any motivation to get to know them past that.

[NWgirl2013]

I like that you want to be by yourself for awhile. I did this years ago, no dating for a year and spent the time working on myself, getting to know myself & my attributes and flaws. Learned how to be a better & more tolerant person and really like myself.
It was one of the best years of my life ... Best to you...

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

...more tolerant person...

I should like a LOT of that
The relationship made me realize I was nowhere near as tolerant as I thought I had been.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by kray_bray_may

Hey folks just feeling like sharing a little bit about myself today.
I've feel that I am shallow when I am attracted to people's looks. I think I am attracted to a pretty face and not the person for who they are, their humanity, personality. My previous (and first) relationship showed me that I am not open-minded or tolerant like I used to think I was.

Fascinating, we should compare notes; I am as deep and meaningless as the sea and care naught for a person's face or appearance, I cannot help but feel it would be liberating to live life in the sunlit shallows.

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Fascinating, we should compare notes; I am as deep and meaningless as the sea and care naught for a person's face or appearance, I cannot help but feel it would be liberating to live life in the sunlit shallows.

Feel free to private message me.