He doesn't believe in MI

My 17-year-old son told me this weekend that he thinks depression is just a mindset and all I have to do is decide to "be happy." He also said "it's not like you have a real illness." When I told him he should get his facts straight, he said, "you just don't like what other people have to say."

Wow. I've asked him to read about depression and bipolar depression, but he refuses. His opinion is sadly like that of my father, who I've cut out of my life. My father thinks I'm lazy and useless, and now my son does, too.

I'm really not sure what to do or say to him. This has put a major kink in our relationship. Any advice?

Thanks!

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Unfortunately there are many with this mindset. Pull some data for him to read about how depression is a medical illness, brought on by many different things. The science about the connection of the brain's response to our thinking, and the chemicals it dumps because of our thinking is pretty strong currently.

It is common for some to say snap out of it, think happy thoughts.

So while many things can cause us to become depressed, the "cure" IS positive thinking. The brain believes everything we say or think; it has NO opinion of it's own. So if we are not blocking our negative thinking (no one believes me, no one supports me, I can't ..it'll never get better etc) then the brain sends out chemicals to reinforce that thinking. If we force ourselves to rephrase those negative thoughts into more positive ones, countering the negative (well that's not true, that's not always so, of course people support me some just don't understand..) then the brain will dump in the good-for-us chemicals and eventually we WILL feel better and not be depressed.

Quit talking ABOUT depression and why or not you are with them? Talk about how they can help encourage you to think good things and be active...

You felt better in the past...and you will feel good again.

I REALLY don't agree with you that the cure for bipolar depression is simply positive thinking. You yourself admit that depression is brought on by many things. I've been in therapy for 25 years--surely if all it took was a little positive thinking, I wouldn't need to be medicated anymore!

I also take offense to the statement that I felt better before and will feel better again. Certainly bipolar disorder has its ups and downs, but that vicious cycle is unfortunately something I can count on. Some days I feel manic, some days I want to kill myself. Some days (very few), I'm in the middle and feel fairly stable.

Unless you've lived the majority of 40 years in this cycle, please don't tell me that the cure for my bipolar depression is just "positive thinking." Maybe you need to do a little research yourself.

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I think that there is plenty of research out there suggesting that depression and bipolar are biochemical diseases. They are real, medical diseases. Just as one cannot talk oneself out of diabetes, one cannot talk oneself out of depression and bipolar. However, there is value in working on ingrainded thinking patterns which can contribute to depression. I have found that working on my thinking using CBT has been helpful in my life, along with medication.

It is unfortunate that your son doesn't understand your illness. I wonder if he would be willing to go to a therapy session with you to gain some understanding of your illness? There may be some underlying resentment towards you and your illness that is fueling his feelings. Take care!

I have some experience with this, and I must say, a combination of things, meds and a dedicated effort, CBT, and truly exercising regularly, whether up or down, will help.
As to your son and his attitude, perhaps there are some videos you can find that will help explain it a little better. At his age, I have a feeling some sort of media other than the written word would be easier to digest.

All the best to you

I wonder if you could approach it from a different angle - instead of trying to convince him that MI is real, give him a book about showing compassion or speaking thoughtfully/respectfully. Sometimes it just seems pointless to argue with people who want to have ridiculous beliefs. Given his age, it seems very difficult, indeed - teenagers seem built to disagree with their parents

Honestly ?

Your son is 17, at that age "most" kids know everything and its often difficult to get them to take a dish to the sink and rinse off , let alone want to read up about a parents mental illness..

Or maybe he has read up on it and seen that there is a possibility of passing it along to children and maybe freaked out wondering about it and could he have it, etc

This is the son that took/stole a car and drove to another state, right? If so , well everything is about "him" right now , in his mind.

I'm sorry he has hurt your feelings , it would be wonderful if all the people in our life were accepting and understanding about BP or any mental illness , But often that's just not how it works.