[jarajaramelon]

okai im really going to explain an awkward thing now but i dont know how to get over this. like, a while ago i've been put in a clinic hostel for psychosis and met someone reallyreally awesome, so i told that docter "yee, i really like that guy" and he started laughing at me. it was mean. i mean, that dude is 27, im 16, and it's really weird in general. im away from the clinic hostel now and don't know a **** of what has happend or if my feelings were true, because i was heavily psychotic. and neither how it happend or what's the cause of me feeling something for him plus what i feel for him or if i should be emberrassed for what i said. maybe it was just friendship or whatever, and i actually hope it is. but now i start missing the guy, just like the one living in bulgaria (which is 16 too, and i live in holland), and i don't know how to handle that when still wanting to be perfect. 20 march i can call him. and mostly i kinda overreact in those stuff. instead of being myself, i start being extreme. and it's not cool. everyone is telling me "yee, it's true what he said (the 27y old which works there), he sees you as your sis, and is very proud of you, different than others" but maybe that's just to calm me. i don't know how all these things work you know.. what i read from love is mostly veryvery onesided, and there's only 1 person which feels 100 for one and the other actually is very uninterested. and left him a diary.. i feel very awkward about it and need to wait till 20 march, before i know if he picked it up, liked it or has read it and don't get in trouble with it because i wrote things like "ye, i love you very much!" while he has a girlfriend.. and i don't want to bring him in trouble in any way. i don't know if this is a love feeling, a friendship feeling, a whatever feeling either. it's confusing for me. the docter was surprised to hear he didnt literally said goodbye tho. im scared to get psychotic just the other time i thought i should never see the guy from bulgaria again and search for traces everywhere, when im not allowed to and can't.

I'm sorry you are feeling awkward, but I am a little confused on your story. I am having a little bit of trouble understanding the situation. The person you met works at this hostel?

[jarajaramelon]

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

I'm sorry you are feeling awkward, but I am a little confused on your story. I am having a little bit of trouble understanding the situation. The person you met works at this hostel?

ye, this person i like works there. i had an other experience with some "impossible i-love-him and i-don't-know-how-he-thinks-about-me" situation, from someone in bulgaria, while i was in holland. i was already heavily psychotic because he left me in 2011 without a word which made me very confused. this 2015 i met this guy, and because i was so much in trouble i started liking him because he helped me so much. i'd say meeting someone in real life has it's advantages. but it's hard too. 1. he has a girlfriend 2. he works at a clinic hostel. 3. i don't want to do everything to make him leave his girlfriend i just want to have fun with him and have it like it was before. but he works at a clinic hostel. so then i get thoughts like "how would he see me when he has to treat everyone the same", there's been told 10000 times he doesnt love me but i dont care because i dont want a relationship, i want happiness. i still don't know if we're just friends you know, or that he feels 0 for me, which is hard to see when someone takes alot of distance. (or in the case from bulgaria, has alot of distance). mostly for a cry for help i start cutting myself in the end, tell stuff like "i hate you".. tho i told myself not to do that. i have to wait till 20th march, so i can call him again. but why the hell would i call when he doesnt care. you know how extremely one-sided it is, well im used to it, i think being in love with someone is just a weird illness of nervousness now, i see no problem in the first place to stay in touch with him except if it's against his contract. but ye, i don't want to talk to him when he sees everyone on that clinic hostel the same. he said he saw me as a sis once tho. that's the only thing i remember after i told the docter i liked him. ofcourse the docter has to tell him to take distance, i know that, but how to be sure we're still sort of "friends" or if he cares when it's impossible. so yeah, two different people in this story, but im talking about the guy i met there in the clinic hostel.

the last day before i went home after being 3 months in that clinic hostel he talked to me again. i locked myself up in my room most of the time and only have vague memories of what happend between us. i know he didnt do any wrong and he's a nice and sweet person i don't want to hurt. but it's just weird to leave like this. he didnt say especially goodbye to me or my friend senna which i went home with exactly the same time. tho the docter was surprised to hear it. i left a diary there, im really emberrassed sometimes of what's written in it, but im just wondering if he really cares enough to take it happily without "why the hell should i even read this" face.

only thing i wanna say is that it's hard. i can't extremely stay focussed on him just because i lost control over what he's doing atm, but i don't know if it's even POSSIBLE, for people who work there to care about a client.

[divine1966]

I think most likely people who work in mental health clinic aren't allowed relationship with patients. It could only cause problems. I wonder if you are better off improving your own health before focusing on these two guys who are not available. Eventually you'll meet someone who is close by and is available for healthy relationship and good luck to you

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[jarajaramelon]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think most likely people who work in mental health clinic aren't allowed relationship with patients. It could only cause problems. I wonder if you are better off improving your own health before focusing on these two guys who are not available. Eventually you'll meet someone who is close by and is available for healthy relationship and good luck to you

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i still don't know why it can cause problems. because i don't know, i don't want a real relationship you know. i just wanna be friends. because of that i still don't know if it's friendship or love. but im alright with it to wait till 20th march. but i wanna know WHY it causes problems because i don't want him to be in trouble. still. i think friendship is friendship and it cannot be onesided. i was really confused about that for long. and i still am.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by jarajaramelon

i still don't know why it can cause problems. because i don't know, i don't want a real relationship you know. i just wanna be friends. because of that i still don't know if it's friendship or love. but im alright with it to wait till 20th march. but i wanna know WHY it causes problems because i don't want him to be in trouble. still. i think friendship is friendship and it cannot be onesided. i was really confused about that for long. and i still am.

If you are confused then no you do not want friendship. Also if it is one sided you are better off not dealing with it. It would cause problems of you continue pursuing him and then what's that other guy in Bulgaria? If you are confused you better off without all this

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[jarajaramelon]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you are confused then no you do not want friendship. Also if it is one sided you are better off not dealing with it. It would cause problems of you continue pursuing him and then what's that other guy in Bulgaria? If you are confused you better off without all this

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per information im always confused so that'd mean i don't have any friends. tho i don't know. are those things possible to be onesided? especially when i think about the fact he works there, it makes me kinda confused.

[divine1966]

No friendship is relationship between two people or a group and it cannot be one sided meaning if you are the only one who wants it, then it is it not friendship

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