[hvert]

I have always been sort of odd about the amount of alone time I need, even as a kid. I think I just need more than most people - an hour or two a day doesn't cut it for me.

I live with my BF. He works traditional office hours. I haven't worked for a few years and so I have enjoyed 5 days a week of solitude from 9-5. I just started working 3 days a week and I'm already getting stressed and feeling like I don't have enough time to myself. My two week days off are usually spoken for, at least partially, with meetings, classes, or get togethers with friends.

I am not really sure that there is any point to this thread, other than I am annoyed that I need so much more alone time than the rest of the world seems to.

[gayleggg]

I need a lot of alone time, too. I was an only child and got used to entertaining myself, so I got used to having time just for me. I'm retired now and so is my husband. It is hard to find alone time because he is the opposite and wants to have someone around all the time. He never stops talking, It drives me crazy, so I understand what you are going through.

[hvert]

I actually wonder about retirement! We have gone through brief periods where we are both at home all day and it just doesn't work for me. I feel like I have spent this morning recovering from being around people, just in time to go out and be around people again, LOL.

I do wonder if I can find some way to not need so much alone time in the first place. I never really thought of that before - I've just always tried to carve out the time I need. It would be easier if I could get less stressed in the first place.

[kim_johnson]

I have started to get better at accepting that I need more alone time than other people. I used to give myself a really hard time about it, all.

Some things that help:

-Learning to find 'alone time' around people. E.g., the gym or some other kind of physical activity. Not sure if you can get your partner or friends or whomever into something like that. If they are then able to put their headphones in and ignore you... So you can be 'solitary together' insofar as that makes sense.

-The whole 'solitary together' thing... Fostering that. Some people... You can relax around. Be quiet / silent with. Other people are more 'high maintenence'. Demanding of your attention...

Perhaps different people are different... What is it about people that you find exhausting, do you think?

For me... It is that I find them highly salient and I find it very hard to ignore them so I can focus on me / what I want / need. Which means I get out of touch with what it good for me which is draining / exhausting for me....

[JadeAmethyst]

I need quite a bit of alone time also. My H is the same way, so we are able to spend time together and just be....it is simple and easy. Good match. He travels a lot out of town, and the dogs and I enjoy our time when he's gone. I am retired and am grateful for the solitude after years of direct caring jobs

[hvert]

Kim, your post makes me realize that I may need to adequately define the qualities I am looking for in alone time for myself. Now that I think about it, it may have less to do with being alone than it has to do with being interrupted or *possibly* being interrupted. Like this evening, we ate dinner together, chatted a bit, and then went off to work on our separate projects... but it's not the same as working in the house alone, or walking in the woods alone, because I feel like I am on edge the whole time, just waiting to be interrupted.

Thank you, this has given me a new way to think about this.

[~Christina]

I literally need my "alone time" if I don't my bipolar just tries to take me out for a spin. I talked to my T about it , he said it perfectly normal for some people to need "more" than they think others do. Its whatever works for a person.

Since your just in the early stages of going back to work and its certainly upset your normal schedule I am not surprised that this is an issue right now , find things that your able to cut back on , for now.. Maybe once you get use to having more on your plate you can add things back in, or maybe you will realize that doing X actually wasn't something you enjoyed or actually needed in your life taking up time.

I do know that I sat down with my husband and explained to him that for me to feel healthy mentally I really do need time alone and it was nothing he was doing or not doing, it just is what it is. He's fine with it. I think he enjoys the fact that I am not needy like his first wife was she apparently demanded his attention all the time. I am not that way at all.

I know many people like "us" we just need that time.. I also have a childhood friend, I kid you not, she would wilt into a puddle if she had "alone time" she needs to be surrounded by spouse family and friends all the time. I am worried as her sons are in the last years of high school and I kinda expect her to have a meltdown when they go off to college.

Take care of yourself