[theres_always_hope]

After a traumatizing breakup with a long term love I woke up one morning feeling "different." I couldn't describe or comprehend the feeling, I was just terrified that something wasn't right. A year later, this has become my new "Normal." It started on & off like during stress & at night but would be gone in the morning. Now the feeling never goes away & I'm scared to death it could be permanent. The best way I can describe it is that I'm not fully awake or my life is a dream or a play and life itself isn't real. If that makes any sense. I feel like I'm going crazy to be honest. I have 20/20 vision but I see blurry clouded foggy tunnel vision & sometimes overly sensitive to sun & lights. I constantly feel like I'm floating or swimming on autopilot with no real emotions. I have zero suicidal thoughts or hallucinations but I get random chills of unexplained fear & paranoia especially when showering & going out in public alone. I've never experienced anything traumatizing that I remember but I was diagnosed with anxiety at age 7 & depression at 15. I hate this feeling! I feel trapped in a fog, distant, numb & disconnected with life itself. I tried explaining to several doctors psychiatrists but no real diagnosis was made. Can anyone help me understand what I'm going through? I feel so alone & terrified & like no one could possibly understand. I want to feel human again! I want my life back. I can't leave my apartment or be alone ever, I've lost 2 jobs, the only social interaction I have is with my boyfriend who lives with me but our relationship is strained because I am so distant. Can anyone please help? Thank you for reading.

I responded to this same post in dissociative disorders.