Is this unreasonable?

I and a friend of mine are both pregnant and due pretty close together. This wasn't done on purpose or anything, we just both happened to have this happen at about the same time. This is the first child for each of us.

So, we were just talking generally about things we'd like to do as new parents and the topic of siblings came up. I mentioned how I think my brothers and I physically fighting really hurt our relationship as we do not speak or have much affection for each other now. I said that I would like to keep that kind of stuff to an absolute minimum, teach them the importance of TALKING with WORDS, and using things like punishing both of them to keep them united in their relationship.

My friend though thinks it's totally dandy to let kids duke it out, not as a playfight, but out of anger. I think it's totally unreasonable and I was shocked, to be honest with you. I've seen parents who take that approach and their kids have always been too violent, rude, and very difficult for other people to manage. Plus, it's really uncomfortable seeing two kids punching each other and seeing adults just stand back and let it happen.

I told her that I thought that it wasn't the best idea to ALLOW children to physically hit each other, but that they should be encourage to resolve their differences in peaceful, non-booboo-inducing ways. Sure, they might hit each other when you're not looking and you should discourage any hitting from happening, but actually seeing the violence happening and choosing to not intervene, I think that instills a sense in the kids that you don't care about their feelings or about fairness. How do you trust an adult who doesn't step in when your sibling is beating on you?

My friend insists that this somehow makes sense and I didn't want to keep arguing about it. I do hope that she realizes what a terrible idea this is when she actually has the baby and winds up feeling differently.

Is it unreasonable to think letting a recreation of WWE between children is a bad idea?

I totally agree with you. I think children have to be taught how to work things out in a peaceful way or they will grow up not knowing how to settle their issues without violence.

Not intervening when children become violent can have serious consequences for the child and the adult.

Your friend could face felony child abuse charges as well as a loss of custody for standing back and doing nothing.

Google "Krystina Woods" if you don't believe me.

No, I think you are right. I've managed to raise three sons who are pretty close now. Hurting each other was NEVER okay in our home, not that it didn't happen, but it was never condoned. Kids have to learn to respect others' physical and emotional space, even when they don't agree with them.

Oh my gosh! Well, that's something. I did not know that you could go to jail for this, but she was a daycare worker, so that's just wrong. Yikes!

Ok, that's good. I was starting to think I was taking crazy pills when I was talking about having kids DISCUSS their problems and work things out with WORDS. She was looking at me like I fart rainbows or something.

I have two young children (boy/girl) who are extremely, extremely close and also fight like cats and dogs. I think mine are probably worse than some siblings because they are so close and also for whatever reason they really fight for my attention. We have to use a timer to determine how long each gets to cuddle with me, because God forbid one feels slighted.

The number one thing I will say that what you think you will do before you become a parent and what you do after becoming a parent, many times ends up being two different things. In the heat of the moment or when you are exhausted, you may allow things you never thought you would have, etc. I let my kids fight to a point because I'm really trying to get them to use their words and resolve their own issues. However, when it gets to the point of being physical or over the top mean or screaming, then I step in. My H steps in sooner because he has less patience for listening to them bicker.

You and your friend are going to have different theories and different ways of parenting. For the most part, there isn't a right or wrong way (unless true safety is involved) but it's really not worth arguing over, especially if you aren't going to change their mind. She will most likely figure out pretty quickly that letting the kids physically fight and work it out between them is going to create negative consequences. At least one will end up "hurt" and crying and running to mommy. Also, it teaches them that they can do that with other kids and it gets them into trouble pretty quickly in social and school situations.