[tiodlliwi]

By saying something that I've been wanting to say for a long time...

We were emailing back and forth today and at one point she stated how proud her and my dad are of me and "the woman I have become"- which was great to hear! And I told her so... but then I added that sometimes I worry that they don't understand me and think my husband and I are "radicals" so that it was nice to hear that they are proud and think I'm a great person. I guess I maybe shouldn't have used the word radical, but that IS how I sometimes feel. I work in non-profit doing community building and combating racisim, sexism and all the other "isms" in my free time, and sometimes when I try to talk to them about these issues, we don't see eye to eye and I feel like they think I'm a freak. Anyways, that's what I was trying to say but after that email, she didn't really respond. At the end of the day, I even sent a follow-up email saying that I hope I didn't offend her and that I just meant that it was nice to hear. But I think that she may have already left work...

I think it's the anxiety that makes me feel crazy if I don't get a response from someone and makes me tempted to call and ask, "are you mad at me?" like a 5 year old. Chances are she just got busy at work and then left. Either way, I should not feel bad, right?

I will be seeing them tomorrow for a party and now I'm even more anxious about it than usual... Advice? Insights? Suggestions? Similar stories?

Thanks for listening.

[EJ711]

Hi Tiod,

I think the norm is for there to be a generation gap between parents and children.

Maybe just hold onto their saying they were proud of you, and don't worry about your not seeing eye-to-eye on every individual issue. They are proud of the overall woman you have become -- and that includes all of those issues, just be wise and not bring that up again.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and it sounds like you may have similar tendencies.

Just give them a big hug tomorrow, when you see them, and tell them how much you love them. Life is too short for unimportant differences.

Hugs,

EJ

[capricorn]

Aaah....we can't please everyone, even if they are the people we love and who's opinion we hold close to our hearts.
Ultimately, you sound like you are passionate about what you do (work) and proud of it. Go girl.
We can still value and hold dear to us our relationships with the people we care about and maintain our own 'place' in life. We can't expect our parents to agree with everything we do or have a passion about, but we love them no less.
If we spend the rest of our lives constantly worried about what other people think or how they don't 'get' (understand fully) what we do, we will never trully be living our own lives to the best degree.
We are all individuals, with our own perceptions, feelings, values, beliefs and so on. And need to respect and acknowledge the same of others.
As for being a 'radical' - yep, I'm one too. I've always thought laterally about life and 'looked-outside-the-square' and have tried to always maintain a healthy sense of who I am and what I uniquely believe in. I can't be someone else, I am me.
Your parents are proud of who you are, from what you say. There are alot of people in this world, who, sadly, are unable to tell us they receive the same adoration from their parents.
Agree to disagree and enjoy your life.
Wish you well.