[January]

My Mom has been staying with me for a few days. It's been hard on us both, but we've survived. It's a very good thing she is here because Mom's whole sister, my Aunt Edie called today. It seems that Mom's half sister and half brother have decided it would be just great if the half sister, whom I have seen but wouldn't recognize on the street, comes down and sponges off Mom this summer.

My Uncle Millard is the most bombastic, arrogant, rudest jerks I've ever had the misfortune to meet. He thinks he's perfect in every way. He was a career military officer and by jinkies what he says had better go no matter whom he hurts.

He hurt someone in my personal family and I stood up to him. I am thoroughly ashamed to say that words came out of my mouth that I never dreamt would come splashing out of me. He wouldn't listen to reason and he was hurting the ones I loved the most. I wrote a sincere letter of apology for using foul language and stated that it had never before happened in my entire life. I also added that while I was very sorry for the language my sentiment remained the same.

Of course, the argument occured when my head injury was raging and that is the reason for the foul language. I just don't do that normally...

Anyway, I talked with Aunt Edie and she said she is going to call the sister and tell her no on Monday. She told me that my brother or I would need to call both the half sister and half brother as well. Understand, my brother and I don't know these people. The uncle called me trash and only weeks later the skeletons in his closet came dancing out for all to see.

I told my brother about the situation with Mom tonight and of course he started yelling at me. Actually he was screaming, because it was louder and meaner than yelling. I told my brother very quickly what had happened in the past and that I will take care of it but it's going to be messy if I do it. He said he would call but that he hated messing with those people.

I'll bet he doesn't call and I'll also bet I have to call the police and have this half aunt removed from my mother's house this summer.

Lovely...just lovely!

Aargh,

Jan

[lenjan]

(((((((((Jan)))))) Families are such a pain. I'm sorry yours is causing you so much unneeded trouble.

Candy

[January]

((((((((( Candy )))))))))

Thank you!

Hugs,

Jan

[Maven]

That just sucks. I hope you and your aunt can get it through to your (half) aunt and (half) uncle that the half aunt can't stay with your mom. That is so pathetic, using your mom like that.

I really hope it doesn't come down to needing to call the police. Your uncle sounds like a real piece of work. You may feel bad for using foul language, but don't feel bad. Some people bring out the worst in us. I personally have no problem with foul language, but since you do, I understand it distressing you.

I know how jealousy, taking advantage and other things can really make family relations difficult. I hope things are quickly resolved for you, even if your half aunt and uncle don't like it.

[January]

((((((((((( Maven ))))))))

Thank you so very much. I guarantee my half aunt and uncle will not like the outcome. It's not my job to take care of them though. It's my job to take care of my Mom.

Thanks again.

Hugs,

Jan

[sabby]

Here's an idea....how about asking your Mom's doctor to write a letter stating that her health condition does not lend to having anyone living with her for any amount of time. He does not have to explain what her health problems are (HIPAA regulations and all). That way, you would be getting some support to back you up...and from her own doctor no less!

It's worth a shot I think. I do so hope you can get through this with little hassle. Family can really suck the life out of you sometimes. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this situation.

Hugssssssss
J

[January]

(((((((((( Sabau )))))))))

Mom has a new Dr. that I haven't even met yet. He might write the letter, and it's the sanest idea I've heard. However, my brother is Mom's Power of Attorney and he can have the half aunt removed. Also, my brother is 6 ft 7 1/2 inches tall. He used to be a policeman. I don't think anyone is going to ignore him. Well, the half uncle might, but my brother is still the Power of Attorney.

I want to make it clear that I have absolutely nothing against blended families. They are wonderful! It's just that my brother and I have never known these people. We saw them at funerals or for very short times over the years. They are strangers to us and to be honest, we don't want to get to know them better. We've had enough. I know I've had more than enough.

Thank you for the good idea. I will still think about it.

Hugs,

Jan

[bebop]

Jan just simply tell them about your moms health issues and right now is just not a good time for her to entertain anyone. and you know she isn't up to it too. poor thing! above all take care of you!

Jan, hang in there and protect mom. Those people need to get on down the road.

[sabby]

Family whether blended or not is always such a touchy subject. We don't always agree and at times, we really don't know each other all that well.

The other option you might have is to tell them you will be happy to find them accomodations elsewhere, close to where your mom lives (at their cost of course). That way they can visit for short periods of time rather than barge right in on a woman who can't even care for herself, never mind entertain these folks for more than a little while.

Good luck dear....sounds like your brother will be able to handle things if they get to the point of needing to be handled HIS way

Hugssssss
J

[nothemama8]

okie dokie, Jan heres whatca do, write up a
House Rules
1. No freeloaders allowed
2. Everyone must do household duties
3. You eat, you pay for food
4. etc
5. etc
6. etc
and send it to them

[Wants2Fly]

It sounds like you are handling the situation just right. ((((((((((((((((January))))))))))))))))))))

[January]

I talked to my neice today. She said my brother has agreed to call the half brother. I honestly don't believe the half brother will listen. My neice said if my brother doesn't do it, she'll call. She said she can handle in a different way than I can.

My neice said when Mom was in the hospital so very sick, the half uncle called yelling and demanding this and that. My neice told him since he wasn't here helping take care of Mom it wasn't his business and she was too busy for him to take up her time and she hung up on him. That's all good and fine, but I happen to know he repeatedly called back and talked to Mom!

If my brother doesn't do something, that woman will be in Mom's house and I will have to call the police and have her removed. Since my name is not on the deed I'm not even sure I can do that. Mom will try to hide it to keep from trouble happening and I'm going to have to go over there every day in June and July and check her house.

I'm so tired. I hope my brother makes the phone call.

Jan

[Maven]

Oh, your mom's one of those who will be miserable and put herself out, just to keep the peace? I have one of those, too.

I was going to say, what are they going to do, just show up and expect your Mom to let her stay there? But if your mom would do that, it kind of defeats my suggestion of just tell them no, too bad they traveled so far, but that's not your problem.

I don't think you can do anything in regards to the police. When I lived with my mom, I went to the police because my aunt and her family were staying with us and making life hell on me and my OCD, but they said that it would have to be my mom who kicked them out...and she wouldn't do that.

I really wish you luck, but do keep us posted.

[Wants2Fly]

Hmm, this is a very very difficult situation. Do you know the approximate date of uncle's arrival? Can you afford to take your mother away for a few days around that time, so they arrive at an empty, locked-up home? Or send your mom to visit someone uncle doesn't know and cannot reach for a few days so that, again, the home is empty and locked when uncle comes?

Hehehe, if it was me I would turn off the lights and just pretend not to be home, like on Halloween but your mother is much nicer and less selfish than I am.

Keep us posted.

[SeptemberMorn]

All either you or your brother have to do is write a letter and say, "Our mother is too ill to receive company at this time and possibly for an extended period of time."

[(JD)]

Jan are you your mother's attorney in fact? She can make that happen, even temporarily for now, with a notarized form... and then you will have the authority to call the police on your own for her.

Why not call the police dept now and ask them how to handle the impending situation? You know how they love to feel important and knowledgeable



And, if you do have to call the police, what of it? Don't get personally, emotionally involved, just pick up the phone and call. Dust off your hands and go on.

[January]

Yep, Maven, my Mom is one of those. That's how she dealt with my father and that's how she deals with controversy. She just takes it.

I hate that.

I'm so hoping my brother will do something about it.

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

LOLOLOL Wants! I would love to turn off the lights and pretend not to be home! They deserve it, really they do!

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

I'll write it and I hope my brother will sign it. Since I'm not the power of attorney. How aggravating!

Hugs,

Jan

[January]

(((((((( Sky ))))))

Your advice is very sound. I wish I could stay unemotionally involved. The trouble is this half uncle triggers me to the point that I lose it. I am ashamed to admit it, but it's true.

I will do my best though and I'll try.

Hugs,

Jan

it would be very hard, if not impossible, for me to be get "emotionally involved". i still get mad thinking about some of the things that my mom was deprived of when my family was caring for her. that's why i moved back in with her and fed her real meals and kept her dry and clean and cool........you hang in there, Jan!!!!

[seeker1950]

Thinking of you, Jan!
Love,
Patty

[January]

(((((((((((((( Pat & Patty ))))))))))))))

Thank you both very much.

Hugs,

Jan