Okay, sorry for the silly title.

This is about my birth mom and her antics.
So, here's some background information on my birth mom. She was 13 years old when she got pregnant with me and she was a very, WILD child. When I was born, my birth mom still kept contact with my adoptive mom. Now, my birth mom has a lot of mental issues, I don't know her personally, so I don't know what those are exactly, I just know she wasn't a very stable person.
There was an incident where my parents had me in a nursery and my birth mom actually went to the nursery and asked if she could take me. She did this without telling my parents what she was doing. She planned to "show me to her friends" and then bring me back. My parents were upset because she didn't say anything and she wasn't even supposed to be there.

My birth mom still isn't stable, she never finished high school, she has a lot of kids now. She's in her early 30s now, and it seems she hasn't really grown up much since giving birth to me. When she was pregnant with me, she was in therapy and she was supposed to still be in therapy after she gave birth to me, but she stopped going to therapy shortly after I was born.

So, I'm adopted. I was technically adopted before birth with a "semi-closed" adoption. My mom offered to keep my birth mom updated without the involvement of a lawyer so I'm pretty sure the adoption was meant to be closed, but my mom (adoptive mom) got so caught up in gratitude to my birth mom that she gave my birth mom her phone number so she could call at any time and she could get updates on how I was doing.

So, after I was born and I went home with my adoptive parents, my birth mom called my mom every day, multiple times a day for a while. Then my mom stopped calling to update her because it got to be so draining for her and she felt like it wasn't healthy for me to be stuck between two moms, she felt it was the best thing for me. So my birth mom stopped calling and they lost contact.

Anyway, 20 years later, I ask my mom if I can meet my birth mom. My mom is very supportive of me meeting her and my mom actually got excited for me to meet her, and ever since I found out I was adopted my mom has said nothing but nice things about my birth mom. So my mom gets in contact with the people who know my birth mom and because my birth mom is a complete and total stranger to me, my mom tells the people to tell my birth mom that she wants to talk to her, but my birth mom says, "I have nothing to say to her, I ONLY want to speak to Kori!" And then she proceeds to completely IGNORE my mom's request completely and she writes me on facebook and says:

"Hi Kori, I know you don't know me, I'm your birth mom and I want to tell you that you're so beautiful. You've grown into such a beautiful young lady and I want to tell you that I've never stopped loving you. If you want to talk to me here's my number."

Well... Yeah. That offended me. It offended me because she ignored my mom's request and she blatantly told the mutual friend of my mom's that she doesn't like my mom and has nothing to say to her. She also gives off the impression that she will bad mouth my mom in front of me if she's given the chance. I don't want to get caught up in their drama, but my birth mom seems to want to drag me into it if she can... Which, is crazy to me. She had the chance to keep me and she chose not to. (Literally, my biological grandmother offered to help her raise me but she said no) So I can't understand why she's so upset with my mom. If anything, I'd think she'd be grateful for what my mom did. I also can't understand why she'd be angry with my mom for doing what she felt was the best thing for me. It almost feels like my birth mom doesn't even care about my best interests.

I'm just torn. I thought I wanted to meet her, but it seems like all of the people that know my birth mom don't like her. She doesn't seem stable, she just wants to drag me into her drama and I don't know how to feel about it.
I thought meeting her would answer my questions, I thought she'd be the one to tell me who I really am and where I am from and that sort of thing.

Sorry this was a long message. I'm just sort of in shock right now. Someone I know suggested that I write my birth mom a letter to tell her what I feel about the situation. I wrote the letter, but I'm waiting to send it...

I just want to know, does this whole situation sound normal? Is my birth mom just crazy or is this pretty typical? I hope this whole situation gets figured out soon because even though I do want to meet her, I don't want to get involved in the drama and I'd be happier living my life without knowing her at all than to get involved with her and have her say nasty things about my adoptive mom.

[Rose76]

I think you are very wise to be reluctant to let yourself be used by your bio mom in an unhealthy way. She does sound selfish. Maybe you could put the meeting on hold for now.

[Little Lulu]

I agree with Rose76 - maybe put the meeting on hold for a while and let things cool off. My best friend met her birth mom when she became an adult and it wasn't the pleasant experience my friend had hoped for. Maybe you already have all you need in and it could be this woman won't have anything to offer in terms of a healthy, mutual relationship.

[CosmicRose]

You're very lucky to have your adoptive mom. I would keep a healthy distance between you and your birth mom if I were you. Don't get sucked into the drama. Focus on leading a healthy life for yourself. My mom has mental issues and I barely speak to her. Whenever I do speak to her, she's bad mouthing my dad who raised me while my mom didn't want to be in my life. If your birth mom is as unstable as you make her sound, then just respond to her message by saying a few short words like thank you, and leave it at that.
Your real mom is your adoptive mom.