I'm supposed to make new friends, but...

I'd rather just spend more time with people I'm comfortable with and understand how to interact with. And yet I keep trying to socialize with other people because the one person I know how to interact with wants to spend a decent chunk of his spare time with friends and family without me and doesn't want to feel guilty about leaving me behind. I have no idea if this is normal or appropriate in a relationship, but that's the way it is so I had better find a way to socialize with other people or get used to being unemployed and lonely.

And I've tried socializing. But most of the time, I don't really get it. There's this one community group I've been involved with in the past and I'm trying to get involved with again but the last meeting I went to made me wonder if I want to ever go back. They're really big in supporting LGBT which is great, but when we go around and say what pronouns I prefer, I feel ostracized because I really don't know…I guess I'm gender fluid or something but present female at the moment. I just don't want to think about those sorts of things when it comes to me. Even worse is afterwards everyone apparently expects hugs and I don't like hugs. If someone else asks, I'll be polite and let them hug me if I don't feel pressured to do so. But in this last situation, two people asked and I obliged, but the third person didn't. I don't particularly feel comfortable around him anyway (hard to explain), so I didn't really think anything of it and started to leave. He says something to the effect of "I see how it is!" I don't know if he's being serious or joking and now I feel bad and feel forced into coming into physical contact with a person I don't feel comfortable around. So now I'm REALLY uncomfortable around him.

Another group that seemed to like me and want me around (which never happens) I find out are a religious group and they seem to prey on lonely people who need friends in order to add them to their list of people converted. So I don't know if I'd feel comfortable around them either because I don't know if they're genuinely nice or just want to convert me and I know I would feel pressured to take on a religion I don't believe in if I hung out with them.

I've looked into meet ups but I feel very wary of the groups I'd be interested in. There's a vegan group and I'm vegan so it should work well, right? The problem is, it seems like a lot of vegans like to out vegan each other and make you feel like an absolute fraud. Yes, I still have a leather coat from way before I was vegan. Throwing it away now will not save any cows. I also don't cook every meal completely from scratch because I don't have time and I always manage to burn myself when using the stove. And that makes me inferior I guess? If I join a 20-something group, I would just be made to feel inferior because of my inability to get a job despite having a masters and working on a doctorate, because of where I am in my dating life (since I started so late, I'm not engaged/married yet and I've been made to feel ashamed about that). Honestly, I'd rather hang out with retired folk. I'd feel safer and less judged by them, but usually they don't want 20-somethings around them (at least not through meet up).

So basically, I don't belong anywhere and I always feel uncomfortable around other people. I'm realizing that I don't know or understand what they want and they don't tell me because I'm supposed to magically know. I wasn't taught how to socialize as a kid and as an adult it's just as difficult. I feel like I must be some other species. If I didn't feel pressure to socialize and make friends or be lonely when my significant other isn't around or never get a job, I wouldn't bother socializing. It isn't worth the effort. Especially since I don't know what I'm supposed to do to maintain the friendship(s) anyway.

And had I known that getting a job in my field was based solely on being socially adept and has nothing to do with experience or skill, I never would have bothered living. This is the only field I'm interested in and I have a lot of natural abilities and honed skills and I'm highly educated, but none of that matters because I'm not everyone's best friend.

So I have to magically learn what people want from me and how to interact with them if I want to ever make any money or not be lonely all the time. Finding one person I click with isn't enough unfortunately...

well unfortunately i dont have any tips for you as i am alone as well so i wanted to let you know you arent alone in this. my only friends are the people i work with and the only time i socialize with them is on the job. outside of the forty hours at work, i am alone as well. but i did take a step toward making a friend at a nami support group last weekend, she is bipolar too and thinks much like me and had me laughing so much. she was going to try to go for a walk using exposure therapy and since this was a problem of mine i offered to go with her. so if you go to nami.org you can see if there is a support group in your area. you are worlds beyond me being able to attend these groups at least. i think you just need to find the right fit. good luck.

Actually, I don't want to socialize to make acquaintances. I just want to be able to have a job (and one in the career field I'm trained in) and I want to see the friend I have a little more often, especially since he's also my significant other.

There's no point in trying to make new friends if I can't keep them.