Relationship and communication advise

Hi there. Feel like I am going out of my mind and joined to see if anyone could help or tell me whether I am right or wrong. Was in a relationship for 4 years, I have never trusted the man. Which I know would cause issues on it's own. But I our first year I found pictures on his phone , chats with a friend of his. Which they would exchange naked photos. I was devastated and went mad. We ended up fighting and hitting each other. We were up and down all the time. I constantly fought with him on every issue, and checked phone and emails. Never trusting. He had promised to change. Which he did make some significant changes. But always threw trust and insecurity issues in my face. I paid the bond and he would pay water and lights expenses. We then bought a house together thinking new start. He lost his job and was depressed. But just sat on the couch which erect me as I was and gave always been financially responsible making me feel used. He would sit and surf porn and models. Which also made me feel inadequate. I have a 5 year old daughter which he is fantastic with. Loves her madly. However we have never managed to be comfortable. The sex life disappeared and the fights increased. I continued to check his phone he in December had been chatting to a lady at the office. Calling her sweet lips and she calls him sexy. And they have a meeting spot... Long story short I flipped saying inappropriate. He says nothing is going on it's just "fun flirting". I just feel if someone loves u they work on the relationship not on another?? Anyway, in November there was more issues before the lady at work. My mom had her 60th party at my house. I am very anti drugs, and my friends disappeared and went and got cocaine. I flipped out and kicked them out. (One my brother in law). He has not spoken to me for 5 months and we normally have spats but carry on because we are family. This time he is still very angry with me. To find out he is angry because my own boyfriend was doing it too. But I took it out on all of them kicking them out? I had broken up with my boyfriend in January. But he will not leave the house as it is "ours" yet I have paid all the bond payments , he says if I want out I must leave. I get so confused coz then he says he isn't leaving cos he doesn't want to loose me or my daughter... I feel it's because it's free living? He says I run away from everything and never fix anything,I just believe there is no. Respect so it's pointless. I was devastated that he took the cocaine as he knows how I feel. He says he doesn't tell me cos I will flip. Felt so betrayed as my friend who went and organized it was "my best friend" I then wasn't talking to her now and when I told her why she flipped saying in not her mother and have no rights judging her and who do I think I am saying they are lying to me, it's there life's? I just feel so lost and I wanted to sue him for the 50percent of money on the house just hate being a horrible person. And maybe I am overreacting maybe I am jealous and insecure and cannot trust. I really battle to communicate. So when this has all happened I just stop talking to them ... So haven't spoken to my boyfriend for months but living in same home. It's driving me insane and not healthy for my little girl. I just don't know what to do. Am I wrong. Should I allow people to make there choices. I just feel I don't want that in my life? But the way I go around it is wrong

hi gillian
from what you have written here i do not find that you are in the wrong. it sounds like he is taking advantage of you and always has. flirting with other women does not sound like he has ever been committed to the relationship. you may have to take legal action to have him removed from the home. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

It is very hard when we don't feel respected. We all need validation. I want to add a warm welcome to PC.

Hello and welcome to Psych Central Gillian Botha!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

Your position on these things makes sense to me and you do not seem oversensitive. I hope you can find a lawyer who can help you sort out the property issues. It seems like your ex-bf may be taking advantage of your lack of confidence in your judgment about these things by making you think that you are too uptight when really he is the one in the wrong. It is something I have struggled with a lot, not being sure whether I'm being too sensitive or whether I am being taken advantage of. I am starting to err on the side of trusting myself and I think things are better for it!