Passive-Aggressive?

Ok, long story...

I was fwb with a guy I used to work with for 9 years... In December 2014, we decided to take it to the 'next level'... So we're in a "relationship" of sorts... We're committed to each other, meaning not sleeping with anyone other than each other etc.. He sees a counselor to work through some of his issues and I see my psychiatrist to work through mine... He's 22 years older than me and is divorced. He's been cheated on (as have I) and he has trust and commitment issues.. I have trust issues. Last week we were talking and we got on the topic of my parents and he mentioned something about "dating my fathers' daughter".. Yesterday, I brought it up and asked him about it.. his answer was it's "absolutely 100% true".. so I guess now we're "dating". I asked him if that meant I could update my FB thing to say I'm in a relationship with him.. he's unsure why that's important..

So, I guess my thing is - he says the right things, but does a variant of the opposite sometimes..

He's a recovering alcoholic (13 years sober this year).. stopped smoking around November 2014.. and quit doing drugs the same time he became sober (13 years)..

I am 100% supportive of him in his sobriety and everything he does. How do I show my support to him in all of this while still expressing concern over relapses... I have no previous experience with AA, 12 steps, etc.. what does he do/need to do in order to maintain his sobriety.. (other than the obvious of avoiding drugs, alcohol, cigarettes - and any environment where they may be present)..

He's also working on starting his own business which requires alot of his time (I support his starting a business and respect the amount of time it takes and always ask him if there's anything I can do to help).

We both have the same wants and goals... It just seems like maybe he's embarrassed to be with me (age difference, or my physical appearance), or he doesn't want people to know that we're in a relationship of any sort... He says he has never cheated on anyone and never would (same with me) but sometimes I feel like he doesn't want me to broadcast our relationship because there might be someone else (even if he's not sleeping with her - maybe he has feelings for her...) - he's told me he hasn't gotten over his exes yet, but he wants to continue our relationship.. I dunno, I'm just really confused.. I love him, I want to be with him, I want us to have a family together at some point... But maybe he's just not quite ready for all of that? Why wouldn't he want me to put our relationship on FB?

Any opinions/advice are welcome Thanks for reading the wall of text...

He likes his privacy and doesn't feel the need to broadcast his life on social media.

But.....you are a person enmeshed in social media, so you feel the necessity to broadcast your life on the internet.

Its merely a difference in states of mind.

So you see it as him being ashamed of you, but to him, he may just be private. Not so long ago, people didn't have a need to tell everyone and anyone of their relationship status. Not so long ago, people were happy just to have someone, and only told those in their close circle, ie only people they actually interacted with face to face.

You might want to examine your own reasons for broadcasting your relationship status, most likely to people you don't know all that well anymore. (Most people have hundreds+++ of friends but only see a very small percentage of them in person.)

ETA

You honestly think this is passive aggressive behavior? It doesn't even come close!!!

Yeah that doesn't sound passive at all. What you described on here and passive aggressive don't really corrilate at all.

The best example of him being passive aggressive would be If you asked if you could post your relationship status on face book and his response was something to the effect of "that sounds like a great idea!! Tell everyone in the world who you are dating." Or one that sounds more mature "haha go ahead , since that's so important"

then if you catch on to it, and call him on it he will probably just agree with everything you are saying. Another example is he might laugh when irritated and say he doesn't care or he agrees.

I'm passive aggressive as hell because I grew up in a house where I couldn't show anger at all.

I hope this helped a little!! 😊

Yeah that doesn't sound passive at all. What you described on here and passive aggressive don't really corrilate at all.

The best example of him being passive aggressive would be If you asked if you could post your relationship status on face book and his response was something to the effect of "that sounds like a great idea!! Tell everyone in the world who you are dating." Or one that sounds more mature "haha go ahead , since that's so important"

then if you catch on to it, and call him on it he will probably just agree with everything you are saying even though he may think otherwise. Another example is he might laugh when irritated and say he doesn't care or he just agrees with everything.

I'm passive aggressive as hell because I grew up in a house where I couldn't show anger at all.

I hope this helped a little!!

He seems honest not passive aggressive. Passive aggressive person is not honest at all. I think you have other things to worry about in this relationship him not ready him being an addict him being much older etc

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I don't think that is an accurate assumption; passive aggressives aren't honest. Where did you get this from?

i agree with the exhibitionist: i am also passive-agressive, but honest to a fault. passive-agressive means an inability to properly express your needs, not dishonesty.

I don't mean dishonest in a way of deliberately lying or stealing. But dishonesty in terms of not expressing what they feel and need in a proper way, not being honest with themselves and others and it is harmful in a long run. Passive aggressive people do express anger and hostility just not in a direct honest way.

We discuss passive aggressiveness in my therapy a lot because I grew up in a passive aggressive family and gravitate towards men of the same sorts. I also studied psychology

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