[HypnoGuru]

Me and my girlfriend are high school sweethearts, we've been together for 7 years. I am now 21 and she is 20.

We went off to college together, I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do, so I moved back home to go to a community college so I didn't have to waste $20,000 a year not knowing what my career my heart is in.

We've been trying to do this long distance thing since last summer (about 10 months) and it was going smooth, I would drive down to her every weekend or she would come home (it's only an hour and a half drive). Well recently back in February she made out with another guy at a bar, and they are still in contact but she only says it's because of this relay for life committee they were in. I knew about him for a couple months but she swore it was just a friend thing, and she still claims that.

She says I wasn't giving her attention ect and he did, and yeah I admit, I was off course. I wasn't being myself at all and I know I wasn't treating her right, but only for a couple of weeks is what she says.

Now I know people make mistakes, I've made tons of them. She has rarely made any (except for this one)

She made it sound like if I forgave her that we would be back together, but it only took me about 3 days to get over it. I forgave her, and then she tells me she needs more time cause she doesn't know if she can whole heatedly be with me right now. (Now I feel like I just got stabbed in the back twice after forgiving)

It's been 5 weeks since this incident. I try my best to stay happy and not think about it or her. But the stress is almost too much to bear sometimes. I don't know if I am making a mistake by waiting after what she did to me or not. I whole heatedly love this girl and would do anything for her to make her happiness fulfilled.

And I have to respect her for telling me what had happened. I've done stuff to her (never cheated) and kept it from her for over a year until she found out. She was openly honest and she does take full responsibility for what she did, but I don't necessarily know if she learned her lesson because I feel like I am a pretty easy-going guy and there isn't really much that makes me mad. It takes a lot to set me off.

She doesn't understand that I need to know if this is even worth waiting for or not. When I give her a deadline on "hey are we going to work things out or end it for good?" she always says she doesn't like that shes being forced to make a decision that could effect the rest of her life.

I don't know what to think or do. This stress is affecting me to the point where I've been drinking to ease the pain, drinking and driving occasionally, stuff that I normally wouldn't do.

I'm going to sit down with my pastor next week to discuss some issues, but I wanted to get some more advice from another source.

Now when you reply, I just ask that you don't say anything that's going to put some bad thoughts into my head over this guy and my girlfriend because I will be up all night over analyzing stuff and it's going to make it worse for me.

I really hope someone can give me a nice lead or some advice to work off from.

Thank you so much.

[healingme4me]

It seems fair to want to know if there's commitment on her end, to continue putting effort into this relationship. Otherwise, it's the equivalent to being dragged along, in a way, with the same end result, imo.
It's a positive step to choose to speak with your pastor.

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[Keyslost]

Hey Hypno I tried this sort of thing didn't work out so well for me. I'm seeing red flags but that doesn't mean it won't work. You seem like a smart person so there will more than likely be other girls should you choose that route. It doesn't seem like it now but the guys with the brains have an easier time getting girl's attention later b/c they have the good jobs. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about that other guy, you're right to not want bad thoughts and it's so easy to let those little buggers in. Instead I would focus your energy on bettering (is that a word?) yourself. Easy for me to say being outside the relationship. Drinking to ease the pain is probably a good sign to give the relationship space but again I don't want to pressure you into a decision. My apologies if I overstepped myself being in your shoes that's the advice I give but it's not one I would want to hear either. Either choice you make if it goes bad feel free to come back and talk.

[HypnoGuru]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It seems fair to want to know if there's commitment on her end, to continue putting effort into this relationship. Otherwise, it's the equivalent to being dragged along, in a way, with the same end result, imo.
It's a positive step to choose to speak with your pastor.

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Originally Posted by Keyslost

Hey Hypno I tried this sort of thing didn't work out so well for me. I'm seeing red flags but that doesn't mean it won't work. You seem like a smart person so there will more than likely be other girls should you choose that route. It doesn't seem like it now but the guys with the brains have an easier time getting girl's attention later b/c they have the good jobs. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about that other guy, you're right to not want bad thoughts and it's so easy to let those little buggers in. Instead I would focus your energy on bettering (is that a word?) yourself. Easy for me to say being outside the relationship. Drinking to ease the pain is probably a good sign to give the relationship space but again I don't want to pressure you into a decision. My apologies if I overstepped myself being in your shoes that's the advice I give but it's not one I would want to hear either. Either choice you make if it goes bad feel free to come back and talk.

Well the other night we talked on the phone and she said shes not 100% for me right now, so we are essentially "cutting the cord" and going on with our lives and giving each other space. She told me shes just taking a leap of faith but doesn't want to regret it down the road and it's to late because I'm with someone else or something. Hearing that just makes me think "ugh then why don't we just work on us and see where it goes?" It's a really stressful situation.

[healingme4me]

That is stressful.

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[Keyslost]

Sounds like a one sided battle there sorry to hear that. If it helps at all imo you'll be better off. You'll meet a lot more people in the next 5 yrs chances are one will like you .