wondering.....am I a relationship killer?

This is more for myself to work through some thoughts so forgive any rambling pls....and background info for clarity - I am a single mother who works full time and taking classes for my job. I am recently divorced (we are still friends and he co-parents). I have been in a long distance relationship for many months.

I am taking a long hard look at myself and not liking what I see. The blame I have placed on others, I think, would be better suited for myself. I have always made excuses, some valid, for lacking the ability to make an effort with significant others and my half hearted attempts have gotten me nowhere which then causes me to blame the other person when my efforts fail.

I do have ADD, which I think maybe more severe than I realize and it poses many challenges in relationships for me and whomever I am with. I leads me to be very forgetful and ultimately neglecting my partners needs and wants unintentionally. This is very hard for people who dont have it to understand and why should they have to? They deserve to have their wants and needs be a priority to but how do I make this happen? How do I stop making it about me and my challenges? How do I overcome all the challenges I face, with MI piled on top, and make a real effort? There never seems to be enough time for everyone who needs it, including myself.

My current BF is amazingly supportive and this is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. The communication is better than I have ever experienced....but yet I am falling short. For personal reasons I wont go into details but I am scared of losing something that could be the best thing I ever had.

Just my 2 cents here, but a relationship is 100%/100% so when you ask why it is hard for people to understand and why should they have to, well it's because when they choose to be in a relationship, they need to make the effort as well to understand your foibles and work with you as much as you need to make the effort to overcome those foibles.

Maybe to make it priority you could set yourself a reminder on your cell phone or something? It's easy with ADD to get hyperfocused on something and forget to make that effort, that's just part of the illness, so maybe try to find a workaround.

Finally, I think the key to making that effort and getting the time to prioritize your relationships is to be completely forward and ask for help. Your partner can be part of that. Let them know that it's okay to say, "Hey, can we focus on us for a little while, I'm feeling a little neglected." Or something to that nature. Don't fight and blame yourself, instead try to be more outwardly focused and work with your partner and MI to find the best possible way to make your relationship 100/100.

You have a lot on your plate! Single mother + full time job + classes + MI + relationship is a lot to handle. Even just the first three are hard enough for one person to manage on their own. We can all only do so much in a day. I would try to cut yourself some slack, if you can. Some days you may not give 100% of your effort to your work or your relationship or whatever because you are putting in 125% somewhere else...