[brushedaluminum]

Hello everyone,
I’m here because I’m very worried about my girlfriend. She’s been kind of depressed for a few months but recently it seems to have gotten very bad. I don’t know what to do because most of the time she seems fine and then has violent outbursts of self harm. The past four days I’ve had to wrestle away neckties that she uses to self asphyxiate. When I get them away from her she is always mad that I was so forceful, sometimes I have to grab her wrists very hard to get the tie away. The whole time I am physically wrestling with her she is often laughing. After these episodes she goes back to studying for her finals and pretends like nothing happened or jokes about it. I ask her if she wants to talk about anything and that I am here to listen but she says she has nothing to say.
Right now she is struggling with her body image after having gained 15 pounds and is preparing for very stressful finals at the challenging university we both attend. Our school has free counseling for students which I have encouraged her to look into and she says that she might after finals which end Tuesday. I don’t want to push her to go earlier than that because not preparing would make her more stressed out.
Her behavior obviously terrifies me, I never thought tackling my girlfriend to take away ties would become a daily occurrence, but I don’t know what to do because when she isn’t trying to self-harm, which she says she would never so much it would really hurt her, she laughs and often seems genuinely okay. We are going to adopt a cat next week which I think will help her a lot because she loves them and she’s never gotten to own one before. I also think when finals are over she’ll e a lot less stressed and less inclined to hurt herself.
Please give all the advice you have. I just want to make sure she’s okay.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central brushealuminum. I am so sorry you are suffering from your girlfriend feeling depression. Some people find it helps to contact a therapist. If you have a prescribing doc for her for Psych medicine and tell them how med is not working, they might change or modify prescription. If not a psych doc can help with meds to get back on stable ground.

In the meantime, lifestyle changes can give a little boost. Here are some of the things that help me. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Brushedaluminum, you sound like a wonderful boyfriend. It really shows you love her, which is wonderful.

Stressful finals can really, really lead to such horrifying experiences for people who don't know how to handle the pressure. This is totally what happened to me, and long story short it led to me dropping out of university a year ago, becoming suicidal at one point, and now hopefully slowly getting back on track. So I feel for you and for your girlfriend, for both of your perspectives.

Finishing finals will make her relieved for sure. An adopted cat sounds like a wonderful idea, I'd love it if my boyfriend and I - when we move in together - will be able to do that! Counselling would help a lot, consider asking her if she woukd like you to be there with her for the appointments - leave this open so that if she says no in the beginning she knows she can change her mind later.

If you forsee things in the near future that may cause her to feel extra stress (more summer courses? etc.) see if there is a way to reduce/eliminate them, talk to her about it. Constantly tell her she is beautiful and worth it and that you love her and you'll BOTH get through this. Let her know she is not alone and she has you. Oftentimes I would forget I have a loving and supportive boyfriend and I need constant reminders as I'm still dealing with several mental issues.

Bottom line: if you love her, don't give up on her. As simple as that. You'll both get through this difficult time, believe in this.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central brushedaluminum!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. First of all I would say hide all of the ties. Let her know she's scaring and hurting you and to please stop it. Write down the number to the nearest hospital with a psych ward and tell her you're going to have to call them for her if she doesn't improve and do it if she doesn't improve. I don't know if you're close to her family but I think someone should be notified of her behavior. If she's having episodes of psychosis it could be serious and or deadly. She definitely needs help with her depression, the sooner the better. I wish you all the best. Don't be afraid to act on her behalf even if she get's angry with you. You may just be saving her life.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

Ruftin, I agree with your advice but I would just like to caution Brushedaluminum that at this difficult time when his girlfriend has such a fragile state of mind he needs to be strong for her and let her know he's there for her WITHOUT threatening her in any way, giving her the false impression that she cannot show she is weak in front of him. What is not in the best interest of anyone is for his girlfriend to start hiding actions (potentially life threatening ones) or feelings from him because he had given her an ultimatum that she needs to "stop it right away" or "immediately show signs of improvement". Getting over severe depression does NOT work so quickly...

[Ruftin]

(((NewLyfeForReal))) Thank you and I agree with your advise as well. It wouldn't be good for her to hide her behavior, and depression most certainly is not something you can just snap out of. I suffer from it myself. I would never trivialize it. I do find her self asphyxiating rather alarming though. I'm very concerned.

[BreakForTheLight]

Originally Posted by Ruftin

(((NewLyfeForReal))) Thank you and I agree with your advise as well. It wouldn't be good for her to hide her behavior, and depression most certainly is not something you can just snap out of. I suffer from it myself. I would never trivialize it. I do find her self asphyxiating rather alarming though. I'm very concerned.

This. It sounds like she has far more serious issues than depression. Her behaviour is very disturbing. Especially laughing when you are trying to stop her from hurting herself - that's not depression, that's something more dangerous. She needs to get help asap.

[~Christina]

I'm going to be blunt .. if you have to wrestle away from her something that could indeed kill her .. she need help NOW. Call 911 .. Maybe you won't be there the next time she uses one of those ties.

Sure she will be mad, but once she actually gets help she will realize your only trying to keep her safe.

If you love her get help NOW.

[ChipperMonkey]

Even self-asphyxiating "games" go wrong. (child of a family friend died this way)

I hate to "rank" self harm, but in the grand scheme of things, this is indeed self harm that has a high probability of killing her. Most other common forms of self harm, while damaging to the body, don't pose such an imminent risk.

Don't hesitate to call 911 the next time she engages in this behavior. She may hate you, but better she be alive and hate you than her be dead and you beating yourself up for years to come.