Afraid depression is causing self destruction

I am a 30 year old woman ( well I will be 30 Very soon) who suffers from depression and anxiety. I had been doing pretty well until recently. Just when everything was starting to really come together in my life I found myself spiraling into a pit of depression. Now everything seems like it is falling apart and out of my control but I suspect that I have caused this myself. I don't have any close friends I can turn to for advice and I guess I am looking for a sounding board.
My most pressing issue is a new relationship. I met this guy who seems really great. I feel very comfortable being honest and open with him when we are together, which is a pretty big deal for me. He is temporarily working really long hours at his job so I'm not seeing him as much as I would like. The problem seems to be that when we are not together I have serious doubts. I don't know if I am just being insecure or if I should listen to my instincts. He texts me fairly regularly but sometimes doesn't respond to me. That wouldn't really concern me because I know he is working. When he does have time off work I feel as though he doesn't make spending time with me a priority. When we are together I feel like he really wants to be with me but when we are apart I'm not so sure. Because of his schedule and mine we won't have any time to see each other during the week this week or for the next few weeks and my 30th bday is next week. He promised to Try to make time to see me this weekend but only after I really pressed the issue. I texted him yesterday and told him I felt that he didn't seem to care whether he saw me or not and have yet to get a response. He is working 8am-midnight several days in a row but I find it hard to believe he can't take 30 seconds to respond. Am I doing the right thing by pushing him away or I am over analyzing and being self destructive?

Hello kitkattalks

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Welcome to the forums. There is a relationship forum here where you will probably get more responses. I feel the same way you do in relationships a lot of the time. But I am insecure. Lately I don't always respond to his texts or phone calls. But it's only because I like my alone time, too. I will call him today, though. This is just a friendship I have but he may want more, I'm not sure. I feel waiting a day to call him is not a big deal. I had a really bad day yesterday and didn't want to talk to anyone. I have days like that. Maybe if you just waited for his responses it would go better. Best of luck to you.

Hi I think I would feel the same as you. A birthday is a big deal and I think it is usual to expect the person you are in a relationshio with to want to be there with you to share it. I don't think it sounds odd that you are feeling insecure. Perhaps you should try and observe the situation objectively for a few weeks and see if you think you are getting enough positives from it to keep it going. A more straightforward relationship might suit you better. Message me if you want to chat. All the best.

I think that he is not making you a top priority - I hate to be blunt, but that's what it seems to me. Viewing the situation objectively is a good idea. Make plans for your birthday with friends/family...hopefully he will choose to spend more time with you. I recommend you take care of YOU right now and not initiate contact - let him contact you and initiate spending time with you.

Thinking of you - you are young, have tons of life ahead of you...it may not seem like that due to depression, relationship problems, etc. But you sound like a kind, gentle person and you deserve to be respected and loved.