having a really hard time trying to be in a healthy relationship

I have a lot of issues that come from my father dying at a young age and dating an emotionally and physically abusive guy for over a year. Due to these issues I have been left very broken and constantly searching for love and acceptance in men. I recently have become official with an amazing man. Mind you he's a widower at only 27 and I'm 24 but he is one the nicest people I've ever met. He's given me presents for no reason always offers to srive me places if I need makes the effort to show me he cares about me. He's basically perfect. The problem is I'm having a really hard time accepting this and believing him when he says he cares about me. he knows about my past but I don't think he understands the extent of my mental health issues and I don't want to tell him and make him run away.

Lately I've been super anxious about our whole relationship. I feel like I'm not good enough for hI'm and like he could be doing better. I went on to delete my eharmony account and noticed that he didn't deletr his and still has the app on his phone. I wasn't going through his phone he was showing me something on it and it was on the front screen. he is a very busy guy so he takes hours to respond to me which I get but it also bothers me a lot. I have all these mixed emotions about him and us and I don't feel like I have a right to voice them. I feel like I'm just crazy and insecure and if I tell him how I'm feeling thay hell run away. I don't want to lose him. I care a lot about himand can see a future but the only thing I know how to do is push people away. Right now all I want to do is tell him it's over and run like to hell to avoid him eventually doing that me cause I'm sure st some point he's going to have enough and leave like everyone else.

Everyone I've tales to about this says I need professional help but that's not an option right now. I just need some guidance and someone to tell me how to cope with this and all the these damn feelings so I don't mess up thr one good man I've had in my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

I think you would benefit from counseling. Please reconsider it. Other than suggesting counseling, the best piece of advice I can give to your or to anyone is this:

People are not perfect and that includes men.

No matter how wonderful this man is, he will have his flaws and make his mistakes. Good relationships are not built on people being perfect.

Try enjoying his company when you are with him and also enjoying your life when you are not with him. Success and happiness in the other areas of your life: work, family, education, friends, activities, will spill over into happiness in your relationship. If they do not, they should. No man or woman should carry the burden of making another person happy. Be happy in yourself by making your life the way you want it to be: well-rounded, well-balanced, full. You have inherent worth. It isn't because you have a man.