Trust issue about lies from a loved one - advices needed

Hi everyone,

I am thankful to have found this forum to express my doubts and hope i can get advices from you.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, we live together with my 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage.
I do believe my boyfriend deeply loves me.
But last week he lied to me and spend the night drinking with a female co worker.
When he goes out he tends to drink without end, up to the point that several times, he ended up drinking all night outside and forgetting completely about me, not calling, and going to states of high drunkness. It happened maybe 4 or 5 times in 3 years but 3 days ago it went very far.
Friday night, he was supposed to spend the night with me as he promised it would be a special night of love after a rough period during which we barely had time to see each other.
I was full of hope we would spend a beautiful night of love. He promised he would be back at 8.30pm from a drink with co-workers in Manhattan. He called me around 8.30pm telling me he would be late, then called me at 9.30 saying that he would rather stay with his co-workers talking about work because it was much needed. I was upset but thought he would come back around midnight.
But no. From 9.30pm to the next day he did not contact me. I woke up at 2 in the morning to find out that he had not come back home. I waited until 6am extremely worried. He finally called me at 9.30am telling me he did not know what happened but he got too drunk and ended up sleeping at his male co-worker's place.
My intuitions are very strong and i felt something was wrong.
Later i called his male co-worker to found out that he did sleep at his place. The male co-worker left my boyfriend and his female co worker Eva together at the bar at 11pm.
So my boyfriend lied to me about where he spent the night. He lied to me several times, made up a whole story with a lot of ease.
All of it was lies. After i confronted him, he finally admitted his lies and told me he lied out of fear because he realized he should never had gone to the co worker place to spend the night drinking with her.
It seems that what happened is that he was already quite drunk when he acepted the invitation of his female co worker to go to her place to have more drinks and chat. It was around 2am. They took a taxi and they drank more glasses at her place until he got really sick and threw up in her bedroom.
Now why this girl invited him to her place late at night instead of sending him home to be with his girlfriend? Why did he accepted her invitation? Why did he never called me or seemed to have thought about me waiting at home for him all night? Why did he keep drinking with her and why did he end up sick throwing up in her bedroom? He told me nothing happened and that after him throwing up she gave him sheets to sleep in her bed and went to sleep with her roommate.
Now his co worker seems to know that he has a girlfriend. How can she invite him who is her boss to drink with her at her apartment?
I called his co worker and she was petrified when she heard me asking what happened. She said they drank too much and that he was not managing himself well. in that case, why she invited him to her place? He must have been still able to go in the taxi, chat with her for a few hours before getting totally sick with drinking.
I apologized profusely and says he needs to understand why he drinks to the extreme sometime. But he totally minimize how bad his behavior was.
I am lost.
Please give me some advices...
Should we move on, put this behind us, and trust him again or should i listen to my heart that says he went too far?

Thanks for your help,
Emilie

Saying no to an intoxicated boss could be very intimidating so I see her POV. But your bf is putting you and her in very awkward positions. It's up to you if you want to continue but this sequence of drinking seems to be getting worse not better. Have you made it clear that this is unacceptable before or is this the first time? That may be something to consider too.

Your "gut" is telling you what you need to know. He has a problem... if you want to hang in there to see if he takes steps to change, that is up to you. Anyone that would put his drunk co-workers ahead of a romantic time with his lover is jerk. He did what he wanted to do and it did not involve you - painful - yes... but see the reality and make decisions based on that.

I am so sorry for your predicament Emilie. Your bf sounds like an alcoholic. When someone is addicted to alcohol, drugs or whatever, there is NOTHING more important to them than getting their fix. It does not matter how much he loves you, he is addicted, and once the drinking starts there is no room for rational thinking.

His behavior will likely continue to get worse, even if he gives you a good day or two. He will go right back to his addiction. Insist that he get help and go into rehab. This is a very bad environment for your daughter as well. I'm sorry but you may have to ask him to leave. The addict is usually counting on their spouse to put up with them. Be smart and get out while you still have time to meet someone else.

I think it's very disrespectful and inconsiderate of him that he chose to stay with his co-workers all night instead of being with you, even after he promised to stay with you. You're his girlfriend, so you should have a higher priority, but it seems like he prioritized his co-workers and drinking. I also think his co-worker should have taken him home, or she should have called you, instead of taking him to her place; even if he's her boss, that just doesn't seem like the logical thing to do. At least if I were in that situation, I would think that I'm making the situation worse given that this man does have a girlfriend and that it would probably upset her to know that the boss was staying elsewhere.

You should probably talk to him and let him know how all of this is making you feel. Don't let him belittle the situation, he's just making excuses for himself and he's just ignoring your feelings. I think if you just let it go, then he will keep doing it. He needs to realize he has a drinking problem and he needs to get help, and you should give him that ultimatum. You don't deserve to have to deal with this, and I agree that this is a bad environment for your daughter.

i agree with all above, he has a problem and if its not addressed now, it will only get worse, not only for him, but for you and your daughter too.

Quite honestly aside from the drinking issue and the obvious neglect of his girlfriend and clear priorities being messed up, I surmise from your description that there is a lot more to it than either of them are letting on. I'm sorry but at 2 am going to a female's apartment to continue drinking is very rarely an innocent, friendly meeting, I dont' care how much one denies it, it's just not typically the case. The fact that someone is saying that he was too far gone, seems to be a bold faced lie too because in that awful intoxicated state you do not invite someone over to "chat" some more. you're past chatting stage and I don't know about others but in a highly intoxicated state I'm not very conversant anymore just kind of silly, stupid and incoherent.

Even if I'm wrong in my assumption here, hes stupid and arrogant for forgoing a night with you to be with another person to drink, regardless of if it were the "boys" or another woman.