[CosmicRose]

I've mentioned this guy before on this forum, he has PTSD and I was very interested in dating him. He even told me I was the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, but then he would stop texting/calling me for days or even weeks. I kept trying to hang out with him and go on a date but he would either cancel or blow me off. One night we were supposed to go on a date, I got all ready and literally got into my car to drive to his place and right as I was about to drive off, I received a text from him saying "Don't come over yet, I'm not home yet, give me ten minutes." So I waited and asked him again if I should start coming over after ten minutes passed and he said "No, on second thought tonight isn't good, lets hang out tomorrow."
I was mad, but I really liked him so I agreed. The next day he canceled on me as well.

After this happened, he told me he'd be really busy for the whole next week. I gave him space and didn't call or text him, and he didn't contact me either. This seems like he's not interested right? Well I'd agree with you except every single time we did talk he seemed very interested in me. So I was thoroughly confused.

Finally after not hearing from him for two weeks (at this time, he stopped responding to my texts too) I sent him a text saying "If you're not interested let me know. You're very hard to read." he immediately replied and said "Its not that I'm not interested, I'm not looking for a pen pal, and if we were really interested in each other we would have gone on dates a long time ago." Wtf? I was trying to go on a date with him that entire time! He kept cancelling and being hot and cold. He also refused to pick me up on a date so I was the one who was willing to meet him anywhere. I don't get it. I said "I thought you said you were looking for a relationship?" and he said "I am, but not actively looking." I said "Can you be more clear please? You're saying you don't want to date me?" and he said "Yeah I don't think this is going to work out."

I just don't understand. He was acting very interested in me, flirting with me, the whole nine yards. But when it was actually time to go on a date, he would cancel or ignore me. Can someone give me insight on why he acted this way? Is it because of his PTSD?

Normally I would have dropped this guy like a hot potato but I was so into him.

[arundelle]

Sounds Avoidant. Which usually has PTSD thrown in the mix somewhere.

I'd suggest not trying to figure out what happened with him. It happened, and probably if you had gotten together, it would have continued to happen that way. Imagine if he had behaved that way after you had slept together. Now it's confusing and annoying, then it would have been devastating. You dodged a bullet.

The thing is to try not to let your trust of your own instincts take a knock. This oddball behavior is not the norm. Don't expect the next guy will flake out on you. But, now you know: if this is the behavior pattern, expect this ending. Hopefully there won't be a next time, but if there is, recognize it and nip it the bud sooner.

[ChipperMonkey]

I have PTSD. I have a guy I've been cancelling on for quite some time. (If I told you how long, you'd be a bit shocked that he puts up with it.) Anyway, it could be PTSD as some of us are quite avoidant at times when it comes to relationships. This avoidant stuff is quite confusing for outsiders. We feel comfortable with people up to a point, but then getting too close can make the anxiety set in. To non-PTSD people, relationships are generally a good thing. To PTSD people, relationships bring SO much stress to our lives that we tend to avoid them. (And its more than normal relationship jitters, SOOOO much more.)

Long/short, he was likely in to you but when it came time to go on a date, that was outside of his comfort zone, his anxiety set in, and he backed out....repeatedly.

[Bethany Rosselit]

Yes, be patient. It can take him awhile to trust again. Even though that can be frustrating!