Need help!!

Hi everyone my name is David and this is my first post.. I a have been married now for two months. This should be the happiest time in my life instead I have never been more unhappy.. I am dealing with major depression and I don't know what to do.. A week after being married I found out my wife was talking to another man on Facebook two weeks before being married. Although there was nothing said out of line it keeps eating away at me ....... It's driving me crazy.... All day everyday I feel miserable because I feel like every time I turn my back shes doing something behind it.... My mind comes up with senarious and I believ them a lot of the time and bug her causing us to do nothing but argue and cause me not to trust her at all ... I feel like this simple conversation on Facebook is completing ruining me and my marraige .... Please help

Couples therapy! You need mutual trust and respect for any marriage to have a chance... right now it lacks both.

I think you would probably benefit from having a therapist of your own too.

Welcome to PC

Underground11, you've mentioned that "nothing said [was] out of line". What was it about that specific message that triggered so much insecurity? Was that the only message between your wife and that man or have there been other similar experiences in the past which contribute to your insecurity?

Are you being treated for major depression?

I think what triggered my insecurity is the fact that my wife has been with so many other men and I only have loved her and no other woman ever. I just thjnk to myself she's been with so many men what are the chances I'll be the last.

Underground11, I understand what you're saying... but think about the fact that your wife has chosen to be with you now at this very moment. She has chosen to marry you, leaving all that happened with other men in the past aside.

Has she shown any interest in being with someone else ever since you two started dating? You were upset by that message on Facebook because your wife was talking to an ex or because of something particular that was written? If it is the case of an ex, as long as "nothing said was out of line" as you mentioned above - then I would personally not let it bother me.

As Christina said, mutual trust and respect for any marriage is critically important.

No she has never shown interest in other men that I know of. It's just the fact that she had this conversation 2 weeks before getting married that really bothers me.... Telling another man that she misses seeing him and how he made her day.... I know I shouldn't be feeling like this bit it's like I can't even look at her the same I don't even want I have sex it's crazy all I do is accuse her of these thoughts in my head day in and day out....

While I feel for your situation, because you're obviously suffering, I must admit that I do not understand at all...


If nothing untoward was being discussed, and there's no history of infidelity in your relationship...


What exactly is the problem?


Are you expecting your wife to never speak to men ever again?


I hope that didn't come across as sarcasm, because its not, I honestly want to know what your expectations are within this marriage, to better understand your turmoil.

I asked about treatment for depression because sometimes depression comes with beliefs such as these. I urge you to see a doctor and tell them about the depression and about these beliefs and how the beliefs are torturing you. It is quite possible that the doctor can help.

Seems to me, the underlying problem is not the behavior of your wife, but your insecurities and lack of belief in yourself to the extent that you could actually be the one your wife chose - even though she has proven this by marrying you.

The first question that comes to mind for me is that since you've been married only 2 months, how long have you been together with your wife prior to your marriage? It sounds like there wasn't much time to build a lot of trust and understanding between you two so I am curious if you married quickly.

Having the opposite sex friends is completely normal and acceptable. But for you, your insecurities are coming into play and I believe no matter how this happened, if she has male friends you know of she talks to in any manner it would bring up the same insecurities in you.

I think that getting a therapist for yourself is very important to deal with the reasons you don't feel like you're your wife's one and only.. why maybe you don't feel adequate or something but also couples therapy might help so that your wife starts to understand where this is coming from and you can better work together to remedy this.

Mind you from what you've said I see no evidence of your wife being unfaithful, nor do I feel she is responsible for your thoughts and fears, although I do think she could try to be more supportive and understanding of where you're coming from.

I want I thank everyone for your posts made me feel a lot better...... I never thought people could care so much without even knowing who the person is or anything.... It makes me feel a lot better of the world that we live in..... Thank you so much everyone