[Cris80pitt]

Hello to all. Here is what I am dealing with at the moment. A few days ago I was checking some things on PC. Me and my wife use the same PC. She forgot to log off from her mail and I decided to check what she has in her inbox. It was a pure curiosity. I found some mails with ads for an online dating. Well, that was strange for sure. At first I thought these are boring notifications which come in our mail box but then again, why I don't receive them? Anyway, I decided to dig deeper and to make this story shorter I found out that she is going through some sites, online sites for dating, flirting, etc. I went through history track on our PC and also found out she was like 10 times here Guide To One Night Stands And Amazing No Strings Attached Hookups . I don't know much about online stuff, no matter what is involved but I am not stupid and I think she is trying to cheat on me. I am very angry but don't want to attack her yet. What I would like to know if someone has been on this, or a similar site and is it really possible that she finds someone to be with? This site, as I can see has good number of reviews about other sites. I don't know what is real and what fake but I don't like the way I feel right now. Have I come to the point where my wife needs to look for a guy online??

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by Cris80pitt

I am very angry but don't want to attack her yet.

Yet? I understand your anger but don't attack her. Wait until you're calm and ask her what she's seeking and why, and if the two of you could discuss it.

You can always get angry again later.

[cyborg_hearted]

me , in your position, I would be hurted badly. is she someone who will answer honestly when you confront her with facts like this?

[Perna]

Only your wife has the answer to your questions. I would work to be "curious" rather than judge and jury before you have any information; just tell her what you found and ask her what's going on? It is not about you, it is about her? She may enjoy flirting and be excited by "danger" but here she is, married to you which she knows is comfortable and safe (a good thing) so, for her, it is like watching a horror movie/riding a roller coaster, etc.? It's exciting but does not really mean anything. She cannot very well tell you and get your "approval" or it is not exciting anymore.

It sounds like it could just be a poor choice on her part, not thinking things through to how, if you find out, the "excitement" could be a bit more painful than she anticipated. Try to keep an open mind and see if she is just acting in an immature, careless manner for "fun" or if she is unhappy with the relationship with you (and why). But it is not about you! It is about her and her thoughts, feelings, opinions and perceptions. Her perception that you are "boring" or whatever, does not make it so. Her decision to act in this way is not what I would call mature or very sensitive on the part of a mate? So, don't let her throw stones that connect with you. It is all about her. Tell her you are hurt by her actions (if you are) and, if she was merely bored, would have liked her to share that with you and let you work on that with her? There are better and worse ways to respond to difficult situations within a relationship than going off on one's own like she has. But it could just be "her" and how she likes/dreams of excitement (think sexual fantasies) and you may just want to laugh with her at it and figure out something along the lines of the Pina Colada song?

[ChipperMonkey]

Alternate explanation....Maybe she's looking at those sites in order to find ways to spice up your relationship?

Its important that you don't attack her. Have a discussion with her after you've calmed down a bit. Maybe she is just curious....at this point, maybe nothing has actually happened and she hasn't even met (or talked to) anyone else. Its possible that she had a moment (or two) of weakness and started looking at those sites out of curiosity.

Maybe she's feeling lonely, maybe she's not feeling loved, maybe... Ok, so I'm not excusing her behavior, but at this point you have no idea if its just internet browsing or if she has acted on anything.

I'm hoping that at worst she's just feeling a bit unloved or even bored and is exploring what else is out there. You don't even know if it was pure curiosity.

If you attack her, I GUARANTEE you that your relationship WILL go downhill. Either she is indeed looking elsewhere and will end up firing back at you, or she is just curious....and if she's just curious, then you've created a huge breach of trust between the two of you.....I would feel VERY violated if someone searched through my internet history and used it against me even if I was just bored and hadn't actually done anything wrong.

[Keyslost]

Ouch sry that happened cris. I would def talk to her about this. It's okay to be angry and you can express that w/o getting physical. Cyborg does bring up a good point, might be worth trying though if you really love her. Come talk if you need more support

[Cris80pitt]

Thanks to all for your comments. I did speak with her and she was honest. Yes, she did look for someone online but we talked why and discussed our situation. We will try to change things and make our relationship better. We will see.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Originally Posted by Cris80pitt

Thanks to all for your comments. I did speak with her and she was honest. Yes, she did look for someone online but we talked why and discussed our situation. We will try to change things and make our relationship better. We will see.

'o.O You're a better man than I. I'd like to think I wouldn't forgive a woman for doing that. I would rather she came to me in the first place and tried to talk about what was wrong, long, long before it ever got to the point at which she'd cheat, or actively attempt to cheat. On the other hand, perhaps she wanted you to find what you did, as her way of saying, "hey, I'm having problems." Still, I would be on red alert.

[arundelle]

You know what's going to suck? She's going to jump all over you for snooping and invading her privacy.

I'd say, if she's not cheating, she's thinking hard about it. Couples counselling is in order, no matter how she responds to you.

I definitely agree with arundelle. Couples counseling is a good start. You both can talk openly of what made her look into that site. Perhaps there is something missing in your marriage that she is unable to let you know. Whether she feels ignored or not loved etc. Hope you will both work it out.